My boyfriend may be cheating on me? or am I overthinking?

[Breanna]

So my boyfriend and i share this mutal friend that i wouldn’t say i’ve raised any suspicious until now her name is Atlantis. The only problem I ever had with her is this one situation that happened a couple months ago with this other friend named Marcus. One day at Atlantis betrayed Marcus because she lied about this situation that we knew the truth about, and she kept lying to our face over and over. Therefore I had stop talk to her as much but Marcus cut her off fully and still haven’t talked back to her. My trust for Atlantis became 50% lower because now I didn’t know if I could trust any information she told me. So my boyfriend Wilson knows Atlantis way longer than I ever have. I have a huge jealousy issues, but I was never full on jealous about them it was more like a joking kind of jealous. Recently i’ve been noticing things like for example today when i had his phone a message came through from Atlantis and when i asked him what that was about he didn’t tell me then later on he told me, he was talking to her about me and how he was worried about me. Then later that day she came to me and told me the same thing and i was like yeah i heard. Then yesterday i found out that the secret he told me that only i knew and his best friend knew was a lie. He never told me that she also knew and then he said she knew for awhile meaning that he lied to me before which i thought was a little suspicious, but i didn’t talk to him about it. Another time before yesterday i was on his phone and i replied to one of her stories as him cause it was relatable and i said “that’s so true” and later on the next day being yesterday i saw that after i said that he said “That was my gf wtf” saying that like if he wasn’t there when i sent her that. I don’t know if these things are even enough to say anything but today he told me call Atlantis because she told him to wake her up at 2:30 which i found kinda weird but maybe these are just friends things and just me with my jeolousity issues. The last thing that i don’t just find mildly suspicious but very suspicious is the fact they are always fighting and cursing eachother out like siblings… And i don’t think she wants him cause she has a boyfriend i just find it weird that my boyfriend is encouraging it. Why does he always feel the need to curse her out about being ugly or about stuff shes doing and she does the same with everything he does. I think it’s just super aggressive for no reason. I would really like to know what you guys think

[Alpacalia]

Sounds a bit too high-schoolish. 

 

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, Breanna said:

 i saw that after i said that he said “That was my gf wtf” saying that like if he wasn’t there when i sent her that.. i don’t think she wants him cause she has a boyfriend i just find it weird that my boyfriend is encouraging it. 

How long have you been dating? How old is he. It seems like he's playing very immature games.

Unfortunately 3 is a crowd and he's  wreaking a lot of havoc. He's at the center of this. Whatever their situation is it may be best to remove yourself from this BF and his passion for creating turmoil and drama.

Do not stay in touch with this woman and reflect if your BF is worth this many headaches.

[Breanna]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been dating? How old is he. It seems like he's playing very immature games.

Unfortunately 3 is a crowd and he's  wreaking a lot of havoc. He's at the center of this. Whatever their situation is it may be best to remove yourself from this BF and his passion for creating turmoil and drama.

Do not stay in touch with this woman and reflect if your BF is worth this many headaches.

We have been dating 7 months but we had times were we took breaks. Sometimes i think maybe i’m the problem cause i go into this mothering behavior when he lashes out. I make sure not to get upset so he doesn’t lash out even more. Right now i’m sitting down, right after i wrote that we had a fight and so i’m sitting down thinking ig to call him or not. He said he doesn’t wanna talk for the rest of the night/ he doesn’t know what to say. And also the fact he wants space but it’s two hours, maybe i’m clinging to him but i just want to talk to him even though he’s mad at me.

[NuevoYorko]

If you have "huge jealousy issues," I think you probably need to deal with that before you will be able to have a healthy relationship.

All the nonsense about other people and their interpersonal drama has no place in your relationship with your boyfriend.  

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Breanna said:

We have been dating 7 months but we had times were we took breaks.

This is your sign that your relationship with him is not going to work out, anyway. 

If I may ask, how old are you both? 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Breanna said:

We have been dating 7 months but we had times were we took breaks. i go into this mothering behavior when he lashes out. I make sure not to get upset so he doesn’t lash out even more. 

What type of "mothering behaviors"? Being clingy or controlling? 

Why have there been so many  breaks in just 7 mos.? 

What do you mean by ""lashing out"? 

Unfortunately the relationship seems quite toxic and dramatic.  Stop contacting him so you can reflect in peace whether you need all this drama.

He seems to chronically push you away and you seem to be clinging. Why put up with lashing out and repeatedly being discarded?  Especially after 7 mos of what seems like games and drama.

[JTSW]

It sounds like you are both very young.

You both exhibit allot of immaturity.

No, I don't think he's cheating with her but his behaviour is silly.

I agree with someone who said that you need to sort your jealousy issues out before being in a relationship.

[Andy_K]

Drama everywhere here. I think your focus should be personal growth/maturity rather than descending into highschool-type relationship issues.

Also, Atlantis is a really cool name so I already feel like I can't say anything negative about her 😅

[Breanna]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What type of "mothering behaviors"? Being clingy or controlling? 

Why have there been so many  breaks in just 7 mos.? 

What do you mean by ""lashing out"? 

Unfortunately the relationship seems quite toxic and dramatic.  Stop contacting him so you can reflect in peace whether you need all this drama.

He seems to chronically push you away and you seem to be clinging. Why put up with lashing out and repeatedly being discarded?  Especially after 7 mos of what seems like games and drama.

Mothering behavior as in no matter what he does i love him. And the first break was because he cheated then he saw me too close to a guy after and went off and told me a bunch of stuff apparently he was keeping to himself about me and we broke up then 3 days later we started talking again and a month after the girl sent me a photo with them from when he cheated. After that we were good then we use to fight constantly and so he got fed up and broke up with me the night of valentine’s day and after that we were good then just only tonight we had a fight but it was completely my fault. But he talked to me so aggressively it was disrespectful but my love for him is so unconditional that no matter what he does i could get mad or sad but it will always be there. Lashing out as in using provocative language when he’s mad about some thing, and then saying how I never loved him I never cared about how he feels and stuff like that even if I’m wrong, it’s extremely aggressive. And then, when I try and talk to him, he goes OK cool, when I’m trying to explain myself. But I am completely as calm as I could be whenever this happens because I don’t want to push us over the edge and the relationship to end because he means a lot to me. I don’t know how to let go? cause ik he’s gonna talk me down to his friends and our mutual friends and i’m scared for that.

[Breanna]

7 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

If you have "huge jealousy issues," I think you probably need to deal with that before you will be able to have a healthy relationship.

All the nonsense about other people and their interpersonal drama has no place in your relationship with your boyfriend.  

meaning what exactly?

[Breanna]

1 hour ago, JTSW said:

It sounds like you are both very young.

You both exhibit allot of immaturity.

No, I don't think he's cheating with her but his behaviour is silly.

I agree with someone who said that you need to sort your jealousy issues out before being in a relationship.

Maybe i do but for me i don’t tell him about it he goes into a whole aggressive when he’s jealous and say things he may or may not mean and i keep my jealousy issues to myself as much as i can because i don’t think they are valid

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, Breanna said:

 the first break was because he cheated . we were good then we use to fight constantly and so he got fed up and broke up with me the night of valentine’s day and after that we were good then just only tonight we had a fight .

Unfortunately you're in an abusive relationship. Read up on red flags for abusive relationships. He cheats, he repeatedly dumps you, he lashes out, he keeps you on pins and needles, he makes false accusations, he treats you like trash.

Basically it's fun for him to torture you. It makes creeps like this feel powerful. Get yourself out of this prison. The sooner you get out, the better.

This is isn't mothering or unconditional love. This is being caught up in an abusive relationship. Please talk to trusted adult friends and family about the abuse.

Edited April 28, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Breanna]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately you're in an abusive relationship. Read up on red flags for abusive relationships. He cheats, he repeatedly dumps you, he lashes out. 

This is isn't mothering or unconditional love. This is being caught up in an abusive relationship. Please talk to trusted adult friends and family about the abuse.

Thank you so much. I definitely will, i just don’t understand why beinf treated like this is not enough for me to leave and therapy didn’t work out for me so truthfully i feel alone sometimes. It’s hard feeling like you’re talking to a 5 year old when you try and have a convo with him. And my friends told me that he doesn’t seem mature enough but all i can think about is him just needing someone and wanting someone to be there. I think about him in the most caring way when he’s mad or im mad and he doesn’t and it shows the person he is. It’s really hard to face reality sometimes. How do i get out? especially if we work in the same work environment.

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Breanna said:

. How do i get out? especially if we work in the same work environment.

Research abusive relationships. End it then delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Just go to work, do your job and be professional. If he bothers you at work, file a sexual harassment report. If he brothers you outside of work, get a restraining order.

You can call an abuse hotline and talk to someone for information, support and help.

See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. When you feel better, you'll have more clarity and make better choices.

[Breanna]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Research abusive relationships. End it then delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Just go to work, do your job and be professional. If he bothers you at work, file a sexual harassment report. If he brothers you outside of work, get a restraining order.

You can call an abuse hotline and talk to someone for information, support and help.

See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. When you feel better, you'll have more clarity and make better choices.

Thank you so much 

[smackie9]

You gave it your all, understanding, support, and love, and he still treats you like crap. You can't fix him, he is who he is. You need to cut all contact from these toxic people. It would be a healthy choice to do so.