H expects me to get a second job

[Hot Coco]

I agree with Pixie 100%! And if you keep taking it, he'll keep dishing it out.

[Tristram]

Mopar Crazy, I may be out of line here. But from a man's perspective and what you describe, your husband seems like a complete loser. I agree it is high time he steps up and acts like a man instead of a spoiled child. Good luck getting him to understand!

[hotgurl]

I agree with the other posters this looks like it could be an ongoing pattern in your relationship.

 

 

Have you though about getting your teaching cert. I know in certain states you can get it while working as a para and they will repay loans. It will almost double you income. It hought para got paid hourly and not for time off and very little.

[mopar crazy]

Even though what you all have said about H hurts (b/c it's true and I have to accept it) I thank you for your honest replies. I thought H would change, he said he would promise he would if I took him back, and he did w/ a few things, but I just feel like I am back in the same s***ty M I got out of. WTF was I thinking? I was out of the M, I didn't have to worry about putting up w/ his crap anymore and now look where I am at? In practically the same situation. It sickens me that I could possibly be happily M to someone else. I still love H, but I don't like the way things are.

 

His mom said in her letter we got today that she hopes I get the PT job. Well, guess what, I am not taking it. Why should I? I do enough around here, why should I pick up his financial slack? If he wouldn't of stuck his dick in the wrong place we wouldn't be in this situation but then again would I be living back in my hometown and being happy to be near my family again. I am also living my dream of living in the country again. It just sucks that I struggle from pay check to pay check every month.

 

Believe me, the thought of D has crossed my mind but how the hell will I pay for it? I just threw away $1,000 of my money the first time we were going through a D. Maybe we need to go to counseling again...I don't know anymore. I am just at my wits end w/ it all.

[whichwayisup]

His mom said in her letter we got today that she hopes I get the PT job.

 

Wow, I guess he has her fooled too.

 

Maybe marriage counselling would help right now, I hope he'll go with you.

 

It's almost like you need to shake him and say "IS OUR MARRIAGE HAPPY AND NORMAL? Be honest! Are you really happy and think that things are hunkydory here?" Although that could open up a can of worms, both good and bad.

 

Hope things get better and don't do the second job. I still think if he wants the extra spending money he has to get off his butt and find something. Even freelance. Does he know computers?

[Mz. Pixie]

Mopar,

 

I know it hurts, and I'm sorry if I sounded harsh- but I was as honest with you as I know how to be.

 

I think your H probably is happy- because he has it freaking made!!!

 

Counseling would be a must for me. I know it would be expensive but if he wants to save his family it would be a must, much more important than the golf his mom pays for. He sounds so much like my exhusband in some ways- especially on the spending. He would spend money the kids needed for lunch money on something fun for himself.

 

I think you should point out these issues with him, line by line. Then you should tell him you're not willing to continue to live this way. What does he intend to do to fix things?? That's the way I'd put it to him. Give him a timeline and then stick to it. Say, in six months I want to see resolution to this issues, if I'm to stay in this marriage.

[OldEurope]

Mo, I am sorry to ask this...but following your story after story, drama after drama, hurt upon insult upon hurt, one question only persists:

 

WHY are you in this marriage, exactly?

 

Please do not squeak "love!" . Love for...what?

 

I think you are better off solo and SANE

[mopar crazy]

Mo, I am sorry to ask this...but following your story after story, drama after drama, hurt upon insult upon hurt, one question only persists:

 

WHY are you in this marriage, exactly?

 

Please do not squeak "love!" . Love for...what?

 

I think you are better off solo and SANE

 

 

Pixie, thanks again for your response. I don't think you were too harsh and if I thought you were I would let you know, lol.

 

I don't know if H is really all that happy. We have discussed our financial situaition all the time. My parents are well off financially. They just finished building their third home and they have nice things, a nice car, and my dad has a great paying job. My oldest brother is also doing very well financially w/ his business. He lives in a very $$ home and has very nice things and gives his W everything her heart desires (yes she is spoiled). My other brother also owns his own business and is successful at it. Owns a nice home and has nice things and yes, his W is also spoiled. Whenever we come home from visiting them H tells me how much it bothers him that he can't give me those kind of things and he really wished he could. I don't expect to have everything. I don't want a $300,000 house, I don't want an expensive car, I just want to pay my bills on time and still have enough to buy my kids bday and Christmas presents w/o worrying where we are going to get the $. H has tried very hard to get another job. I have lost count over the last two years how many applications and interviews he has had. It always comes back the same "We are looking for someone more experienced in the field, sorry and thank you." My H is a smart man. He went into pre-law in college for four years and graduated but he still needs 3 years of law. We can't afford for him to finish college. Law school is not cheap and even we got financial aide he would be studying so much he couldn't work FT. He has tried very hard to get another job and I hate to say it it just seems like life just doesn't want us to get better financially.

 

OE, why exactly am I in this M? Ok, I wont say love. I honestly can say I can't see being w/ anyone else, nor do I want to be w/ anyone else. When H and I were going through our D/seperation I tried real hard to flirt w/ other guys, guys I even knew b4 I even met H and thought were attractive, but I just couldn't do it. H was on my mind the whole darn time. And no, they were MM, they were SG so that had nothing to do w/ not wanting to flirt. I always thought H would be the only one for me. Maybe I am, what is that called, co-dependent? I have had many men flirt w/ me, I know I could find someone else. I am not trying to be conceited, b/c I am far from that, but I am an attractive woman (even though I could stand to loose about 20 lbs). My bil kept telling me I'm a hotty and I would have NP finding another man. Problem was, I wasn't ready for another man.

Shortly b4 H called and said he wanted the M to work I was accepting the fact the M was over. You don't know how much I prayed, every day, every night, constantly, all the time to give have God give me the answers. I asked Him to lead me down the right path. I prayed so much whether or not I should take H back. I don't know if He answered my prayers but my heart was telling me to give H another try. Only God knows what is best for me and my life so I leave up to Him to show me what direction to take, either get into counseling and work on this M, or throw in the towel.

 

I continue to pray, it's all I have right now. What God wants for me, I will accept.

[sugar-rae]

You don't know how much I prayed, every day, every night, constantly, all the time to give have God give me the answers. I asked Him to lead me down the right path. I prayed so much whether or not I should take H back. I don't know if He answered my prayers but my heart was telling me to give H another try. Only God knows what is best for me and my life so I leave up to Him to show me what direction to take, either get into counseling and work on this M, or throw in the towel.

 

I continue to pray, it's all I have right now. What God wants for me, I will accept.

 

J, has it occurred to you that maybe God is already giving you the answer?

I knew someone once who dealt with what you have, basically. She prayed and prayed, putting up with her H's running around, etc. and then one day, she said she remembers the exact spot she was standing at when God told her to get out of the relationship.

If you continue on and on with this person and they are NOT changing, then, I believe that's God's way of "letting you off the hook".

 

You have to think of you and the kids. Your kids need you more than your H needs you financial support of him.

[Mz. Pixie]

I can remember exactly where I was as well when I decided that it was the last straw.

 

Standing in my kitchen when I couldn't get my exh to give my son $2.00 for lunch money because he was afraid he wouldn't have enough for breakfast- when the ATM was on his way!

 

You do love this man, M, or you wouldn't continue to stay, just my .02.

[mopar crazy]

I can remember exactly where I was as well when I decided that it was the last straw.

 

Standing in my kitchen when I couldn't get my exh to give my son $2.00 for lunch money because he was afraid he wouldn't have enough for breakfast- when the ATM was on his way!

 

You do love this man, M, or you wouldn't continue to stay, just my .02.

 

Omgosh Pixie, that is just awful that he did that! No wonder you ended your M if he was that type of person. H would never do that, or at least he never has. If he does anything like that, put his needs b4 the kids, then it would probably be the last straw for me also. Glad you got out of that situation.

 

Update on the retail job I applied for. I spoke w/ the HR person and I told her that I can't work past 9:00 pm. I told her I have a FT job at a preschool. She told me I would only have to work until 10-11:00 pm for about three 1/2 weeks, during the holidays. I told her I understood that but I could not do it. I told her I worked FT for a preschool and I have to be alert and observant to everything in the classroom. Again, she said "it will only be for 3 1/2 weeks." I told her that in those 3 1/2 weeks if a child was injured, or their safety was in jeapordy b/c I am running on lack of sleep I would be responsible and would feel awful, and not to mention the agency I work for could fire me, or worse. I couldn't live w/ myself knowing something serious happened to a child that could of been avoided if I was alert and ready to do my job. I told her that it would be a waist of their time, and money to interview me, hire, and train me if they aren't willing to let me off by 9:00 pm. I told her if I was ever scheduled for 10 or after I wouldn't be able to work it and would have to quit. She wasn't happy, and rightfully so, I am a damn good worker and have many years experience in retail, but I was not going to take the second job. I was only going to work there until H found something that paid more, or even a second job, but I refuse to work past 9 pm. H had a job interview last week and also got called about one for another place so I am praying he gets one of them. If he gets the one he would be making twice as much a year as he does now so that would be awesome. I feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted off my chest about this second job.

[westernxer]

Way to hold firm, Mopar. Those 3 1/2 weeks is just a ploy to hook you in.

 

The HR person didn't mention that Christmas is just around the corner... hell for retail workers.

[sugar-rae]

I was only going to work there until H found something that paid more, or even a second job, but I refuse to work past 9 pm. H had a job interview last week and also got called about one for another place so I am praying he gets one of them. If he gets the one he would be making twice as much a year as he does now so that would be awesome. I feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted off my chest about this second job.

 

Well, that's good. You did the right thing. Glads to see your H is stepping up.

My H works 3rd shift, working about 10 hrs on his shift, then comes home and has been doing on the side tree trimming jobs for extra cash. I went with him today and helped him on one of his tree trimming jobs.

It isn't an easy job anyway, but him going up in those 40 & 50 ft trees after working 10 hrs, well, my hats off to him and anyone who has the brass to do that.