TheRestless Posted April 30, 2023 Share Posted April 30, 2023 Me and my current long-term partner (dating for 2 years with plans for the future) like going to parks together as dates. There is a park I’d like to take them to but it’s really close to the house of my Ex-long-term partner who things did not end well with. So there is a small chance I could see my Ex at the park, who I haven’t seen since he ghosted me. Should I tell my partner about this? Should I even go to this park at all? I have a lot of memories with my Ex in this park, but I don’t wish to see him there. I think visiting the park with my current partner or even by myself could help me move on from my Ex and reclaim that period of my life. Am I crazy? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 30, 2023 Share Posted April 30, 2023 5 minutes ago, TheRestless said: . There is a park I’d like to take them to but it’s really close to the house of my Ex-long-term partner Should I tell my partner about this? Should I even go to this park at all? Why not read some local newsletter about events parks and recreation. There's no need to go to this particular place. Broaden your horizons and discover new places and make new memories. Please don't discuss your ex with your partner. Focus on him and your relationship. Move forward not backward. Close the chapter on the old ex for good. Reclaim your life and memories. Don't let the past haunt or undermine a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 30, 2023 Share Posted April 30, 2023 3 hours ago, TheRestless said: I think visiting the park with my current partner or even by myself could help me move on from my Ex Have you not already moved on? You should have by now, especially considering you've been with someone else the last 2 years. If you're still struggling to let go, you've got bigger issues to sort out than visiting this park. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 30, 2023 Share Posted April 30, 2023 Given that you're worried about seeing your ex at this park, I would choose to avoid it Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 30, 2023 Share Posted April 30, 2023 I was going to ask why you feel the need to visit this particular park, but you say I at the end of your post… Surely after two years you have moved on? And considering that you are concerned that you may see your ex there, I would avoid it. Again, I’m not sure why you feel the need to visit this part and it would seem that there is a lot to risk, and little to gain. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 30, 2023 Share Posted April 30, 2023 Terrible idea. First your new partner is not interested in spending time at a park filled with memories of your ex. I'm surprised you'd want to do this given you might run into your ex. Second if you want to heal from your ex visiting old stomping grounds isn't the way to do it. You need to be doing things that won't remind you of your time with him. I'm sure he has moved on by now and so should you. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 30, 2023 Share Posted April 30, 2023 Don't go. You don't need that park to be happy. My ex lives on same street as a favorite park of mine, a beatiful tourist attraction too. I will not go there againt. I will build new memories in new places with my new boyfriend. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted April 30, 2023 Share Posted April 30, 2023 It seems that you're still hung up on your ex to some extent, or you would not be asking this question 2 years into your current relationship. If you were over the ex and wanted to visit this park, you surely would have already done it and if you'd encountered the ex you would have said "oh hi" and walked on. So ...? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 It's more than clear that you are not over your ex. And the only reason you want to go to this park is because you are hoping to see him (even though you say otherwise). Even thinking about it is very unfair to your current partner. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 Who cares? I have ran into or seen several of my exes with my husband when we first started dating, and it was what it was...nothing. If it happens it happens. More than likely your ex sees you and looks the other way and life just goes on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRestless Posted May 5, 2023 Author Share Posted May 5, 2023 On 5/2/2023 at 7:19 AM, JTSW said: It's more than clear that you are not over your ex. And the only reason you want to go to this park is because you are hoping to see him (even though you say otherwise). Even thinking about it is very unfair to your current partner. No, I am not over my Ex. But it’s deeper than that. We were best friends for several years and saved each other’s lives a few times. I thought we were soulmates, and up until two years and a few months ago, I still had hope for us to get back together. My current partner knows all of this, but they also know I love them more than anything and I would never leave them for him. It has been three years since my Ex talked to me, ending a 6-year-long friendship with no explanation, so of course I’m still grieving that loss. I apologize for not including this context, but I agree with some of you, I don’t think it’s a good idea to take my partner here. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted May 5, 2023 Share Posted May 5, 2023 You probably need to get some closure around your ex before much more future-planning with current bf. By "closure" I do NOT mean any type of interaction with the ex. Closure comes from within. But you might need to get some help with attaining that. You really shouldn't be determining where to go with your new partner because of your feelings for the former guy. I mean, within reason - no need to go to your ex's place of work or his birthday party. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 5, 2023 Share Posted May 5, 2023 55 minutes ago, TheRestless said: saved each other’s lives a few times. I thought we were soulmates, This seems more like a trauma bond. This isn't about parks, this is about something you may have to address with a qualified therapist. People break up and divorce all the time and recover and move on. Since you're having difficulty feeling this haunted by it, try to unpack and sort out why with the help of a supportive professional. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted May 5, 2023 Share Posted May 5, 2023 1 hour ago, TheRestless said: My current partner knows all of this, but they also know I love them more than anything and I would never leave them for him. It has been three years since my Ex talked to me, ending a 6-year-long friendship with no explanation, so of course I’m still grieving that loss. I apologize for not including this context, but I agree with some of you, I don’t think it’s a good idea to take my partner here. It's still unfair on your partner to be with them when you're not over your ex. And what if your ex came back and wanted to be with you? You shouldn't be in a relationship until you are completely over him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRestless Posted May 6, 2023 Author Share Posted May 6, 2023 16 hours ago, JTSW said: It's still unfair on your partner to be with them when you're not over your ex. And what if your ex came back and wanted to be with you? You shouldn't be in a relationship until you are completely over him. Thanks for your input but I gotta disagree with this take. Of course I wouldn’t leave my current partner even if my ex showed up and got down on one knee! They deserve the best version of me I can give them and I feel honored to be with them every day. I wouldn’t have started a relationship with them if I still had actual hope of me and my ex getting back together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRestless Posted May 6, 2023 Author Share Posted May 6, 2023 17 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: This seems more like a trauma bond. This isn't about parks, this is about something you may have to address with a qualified therapist. People break up and divorce all the time and recover and move on. Since you're having difficulty feeling this haunted by it, try to unpack and sort out why with the help of a supportive professional. I know you’re right and thank you for being respectful. I do have a semi-regular therapist who I have brought my ex up to only once, and only twice to my current partner in two years. It’s a difficult thing to unpack with all the history, let alone because it’s a particularly emotional subject. I’m in the process of scheduling another session with my therapist, who I have not seen in a few months. Again, thanks for being kind despite my stubbornness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 6, 2023 Share Posted May 6, 2023 You should not be in another relationship at all. We simply cannot have healthy relationships when we are still not over the previous one. It doesn't matter if you wouldn't leave your current guy for your ex. That isn't the point. The point is that your heart and mind cannot be fully present in your current relationship when you're still hung up on your past. Eventually, it will be the undoing of things. Mark my words. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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