SonOfSkinny Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 Two years ago my Mother's husband left her for another woman. This is not the proper place to discuss the horrible particulars of that event aside from the fact that at the time she was at least 160lbs over weight. She had gained all of that weight during their 14year - abusive marriage. No one knew what was going on because the abuse was psychological and sexual for the most part. She was hiding behind food. Rather than break down and die when her husband left her she started a regimen of diet and exercise and lost nearly 80lbs in the first year. Now that total is well over 120. She looks great, feels great, and has more energy that I have seen her with since I was a kid. She bumped into her childhood sweetheart (her first boyfriend - when she was 9yrs old and her first kiss) and they fell in love and are engaged. Cinderella story, right? WRONG. It appears that due to this 'new life' and happiness she is experiencing most of my family has turned on her. My brother and his wife have accused her of no longer being the Mother and Grandmother they knew and have forbid her to see her grandchildren. Her sister and brother have started treating her like dirt and she only hears after the fact about family parties. They were so used to this fat woman that would jump for them at a snap, who wouldn't defend herself to anyone and was subservient to the entire family structure. All the while they would berate her about how fat and unhealthy she was. My brother and his wife would tell her how sad they were that their children's Grandmother was going to die of a heart attack before they were in high-school and that she was hurting everyone with her eating and obesity. I tried to get her to loose the weight but it took the tragedy of her husband (the creep) to motivate her. And she did it. And she did it for herself. And now she is happy with herself. But now she is loosing her family. They have become cold and cruel beyond what I would have thought they were capable. They resent her happiness and her freedom and her success. Now she is paying the ultimate price - her Grandchildren who she loves more than life itself, and her son (much of the problem is with my sister-in-law). Everyone loved her when she was fat. Everyone called her for parties and to see the kids and to help out and to join in. This all stopped a year ago - and she is alone but for her fiancé and I (and my fiancé). None of us can understand it. They have even demonized us for supporting her. Does this happen to everyone who beats it? Has she lost her family and those Grandkids? Is there anyone I can have her talk to or something I can read? If anyone knows of any psychologists that have written about this reaction from family and friends, please let me know. If there is a web-site for this type of support... please... let me know. I need to understand their reaction. She needs to know that she is not alone in the way they are reacting. Please. If there is a direction that I can point her before the cycle continues again. She has already gained 12 pounds in the past 3 months. Help. It's killing her. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 Are you sure it's due to the weight loss? Doesn't sound like it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SonOfSkinny Posted November 7, 2005 Author Share Posted November 7, 2005 Yea, they resent her freedom. The resent she has someone in her life who she loves as much as them. They resent splitting the time. They resent she is not trapped in the house and at their bec-and-call. They were comfortable with her as subservient and do not like the willful, self assured person she has become. They liked having a 360 pound emotional slave around as much as her f**k*d-up husband did. She was safe and easy to manipulate then. I'm not looking for a solution to their head-problems. I'm looking for a similar situations to reference so that I can show both my mother and my ungrateful brother that they are manifesting a know psychosis. I've put my brother in his place about it already. What I'd like is some clinical references to other cases to ram down his wife's throat. Her family is white-trash-with-cash. $$$ with no education or class. They often tremble before fancy-book-lernin'. That's why I'm looking for a Psychologist who works with similar cases, a text that explains their reaction or a link to a site that deals with it. Everyone likes a whipping boy (girl)... Now they have lost there's and they'll make her pay. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 You could teach them a lot by not seeking payback. Succesful people don't let others get them down. They just keep doing what makes them successful, regardless of what people think of them. Refusal to stoop to their level will show a lot of class on your part. It also shows strength of character. Inner peace is inner peace... you can't gain it by fighting fire with fire. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 They should be glad that she is alot healthier and that they will have her around longer now that she improved her health.. Maybe they are mad because she is having a life and enjoying it for once..I am so glad she made this change for herself and she deserves to be happy her h has moved on and so should she and your brother and all should just get over it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bunnzy Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 Good on your mother for becoming selfassured and happy with who she is. its so great that she is healthy now. Keep supporting her and let her know you love her the way she is, the way she was, and the way she will be. It sounds like she has taken alot of crap. Your brother should be ashamed. I suggest going to a family counselor to sort out all these petty resentment issues before they tear your mother down even more. You can go and find cases but they will not be exactly the same as your situation. It could be that your mothers exhusband abused your brother and your mother let it happen. There are alot of things that may have happened that have caused your brother to look at her that way, but you wont know unless you communicate. and a therapist is a great objective third veiw that doesnt let the conversation degenerate into an argument. Most of all, Love your mother, but Love your brother and his wife also. Do not build up resentment against them, you will only be magnifying the problem. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 It's like they're saying, I like the old, fat, lethargic you better What they're really saying is, I don't like that you're improving yourself and I'm not. I'm jealous because you've done it, and I can't Family members can also have trouble dealing with a dramatic physical change. I can't tell you the number of times I've heard,My husband doesn't support me. My kids think I'm a fanatic. Garrett Braunreiter Nevertheless, a visible, pronounced weight loss also can disrupt existing relationships, and patients sometimes find that friends, co-workers or even family members react to them with resentment or jealousy. UW Health http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/defendis14.htm Shedding weight can have a negative impact on your relationships with other people, particularly those who also have weight issues. "There can be a lot of envy when you lose weight," says Edi Cooke, Psy.D., a staff psychologist at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. "Your friend may be frustrated because you're succeeding where she has failed. Those feelings of envy and frustration can sometimes drive a wedge between the two of you." http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0846/is_6_24/ai_n9481947 Better grab those sites quickly since LS may decide they're 'commercial'. Link to post Share on other sites
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