Got my man!!!

[whichwayisup]

Yeah, like WE all know you were being sarcastic. The words didn't jump off the screen that way. Look, it doesn't matter what we think at the end of the day - What matters is making sure the relationship stays healthy and happy. Right?

[wyldflower]

You're right.

[seachange]

Wyld: I read the first post you wrote in this thread.

 

Go back and reread it.

 

No one is calling you a b!tch. But I am saying your words were selfish. No matter how many names you now want to call yourself sarcastically, what you said was insensitive and if it's an accurate reflection of your true feelings, then I truly hope you're never on the other end of this kind of situation. Because then it will hurt like hell to realize what you've said.

 

Look, I don't want you to be miserable. I want you to be a whole person. I want that for everyone, because the world would be a much nicer place. Some people feel like they're only out for themselves in life, to grasp what they can out of it and everyone else can go to hell. Don't be that person. You have an opportunity here to be gracious in your "victory". What does it cost you to be a more thoughtful person?

[tinktronik]

The funniest thing in the world is when somebody does not see OBVIOUS SARCASM in what you say (the whole "since I don't feel anything for his wife and kids" etc)

OK, I'll be OBVIOUS HERE!!!! I am being sarcastic : "I am a bitch who likes to steal other women's men and take fathers away from families... because that is what small minded people expect of these sorts of situations."

I have spoken my story.

My friend has told you his persepctive.

MY man thinks this is insulting to anyone who has a heart and has had to make a gut wrenching decision in their life.

Nut you're all going to think whatever you want anyway....

 

I must say I did see the sarcasmin what you said in the prev post.But I must say maybe you dont like destroying families and taking daddy away from his children.But you dident dislike it enough not to do it.Not that that makes you a bad person , just the person you are .I hope things wors out well for you , I hope live happily wiht your married man.It makes for a much easier transition for all involved that way , and then at least someone feels that the split up of his family was somewhat worth it.I wonder will his child feel it was worth it.Who knows maybe so.Good luck.

[newbby]

i would just like to point out in wyldflowers defense. she did not steal anybody, unless she kidnapped him at gunpoint.

[Art_Critic]

wyldflowers defense.

 

Wyldflower has no defense..

[seachange]

newbby, that is no doubt true. He left his previous relationship, after much backing and forth-ing, and I have no doubt that that marriage is better over anyway.

 

It's her own challenging words I'm responding to: "I got my man" and "the sweet smell of victory" - which have been often-cited now and I too am sick of hearing them. But I think they represent an important paradigm in the BS/OW two-sided "competition" - a paradigm which I think does absolutely nothing for the dignity and sense of self-worth of either.

 

And, it was her own sarcastic comment: "I am a b!tch who likes to steal other women's men" that spoke of stealing, anyway.

 

I'm talking about basic kindness and decency.

[newbby]

well it was maybe not meant to be taken so seriously. i am quite sure she would not be going up to the ex wife saying such things. maybe she did feel that she won, but did not win over the wife, but over the situation. it is after all a very difficult relationship.

there seems to be a bit of a misconception about ow that they see the wife as the enemy etc. i can say as a former ow that i never felt that the wife was my enemy. i think most ow feel guilty about the wife.

[whichwayisup]

there seems to be a bit of a misconception about ow that they see the wife as the enemy etc. i can say as a former ow that i never felt that the wife was my enemy. i think most ow feel guilty about the wife.

 

"Got my man!!!" really doesn't show that she feels good or bad towards the wife. You may not have felt the wife was the enemy, but many OW do so it seems. Many posts by OW express it and have so much resentment with the wife.

[seachange]

brief thread hijack...sorry wyld...

 

I think that the degree of OW viewing the wife as the enemy ranges - just like it does in the other direction. I've read many threads in this forum that complain about why doesn't the wife just let go already, and about how she's a clinging b!tch, and how she's put her man through hell, and how he obviously hates her, and so on and so forth.

 

I've also read many threads that express guilt and pain and worry and a genuine concern for everybody involved. I know that many OW feel guilt. I might add that not all BS think the OW is a heartless man-stealer, or throw all the blame at her for the affair - that's another common misconception, which is equally aggravating to those of us who don't feel that way.

 

I know that this forum is intended for OW letting off steam - but yes, sometimes I really want (far more often than I actually do) to step in and remind folks who begin these tirades that they're talking about a person and not a faceless enemy, and certainly not the straw man that is often set up by the MM (or MW). I don't think it's quite fair to say you can't take what she said seriously; this is a pretty emotional board and I think it's the right place to highlight these sorts of things. For the women who are on here hurting and confused - I take what they say seriously, too.

 

/hijack.

[newbby]

no not what she actually said in her post, which went more into detail about her emotions. i was talking about the catchy headline.

yes i can understand why some bw would find it insensitive etc. she did post it in the ow forum though.

[veronese]

I don't know wyldflower's story further than what I've read on this thread, and I'm not sure if I'm right, but her relationship with the married man has now become serious as a result of her refusing to be the OW and waited until he had left his wife before she would be with him.

 

I appreciate she had one or two moments of weakness but it sounds as if she behaved in a way that many Loveshackers advise as the best course of action for OW in these situations.

 

Admittedly, I'm sad for his wife, the children, for all concerned actually. Indications are that this man and Wyldflower have strong feelings for one another and may be exception to the rule. Remember she mentioned that his wife accepts that the marriage is over now. .

 

I think maybe WF has just gone through a powerful and incredibly emotional period of her life, and right now she's on a high and europhic with the sheer joy of finally being with the one she loves.

 

Her title of "my man" came over as a possessional victory of sorts, boastful almost. An element of glee would be normal to feel for anyone so ecstatic.

 

But I know, as a wife (who's been cheated on) that inside I really do think of my H as "my man", although it's not something I'd announce as fact. I also realise that he's only "my man" for as long as he wants to be or that I want him to be. Since DD I still think of him as "my man" but it's not a boast or a brag. He's just "my man", I married him after all. I haven't had anyone else's babies, I don't sleep with any other men, he's been the only man in my life for over 18 years so it's kind of hard not to think of him like that. And as far as I know he isn't anyone else's man, we hope! (lol).

 

We say "my kids", my parents", my "boss", by "dogs", isn't my "man" the same type of thing?

 

I also think though Wyldflower, that peoples' replies are not intended as criticism necessarily. Joyous you may be, but your excitement and then defensiveness could be clouding your judgement a bit. I'm not suggesting you have your head so high in the clouds that you can't see things clearly, I just think people here have accumulated a lot of wisdom through their own and many others' experiences.

 

I don't believe anyone wishes you ill Wyldflower, I really don't. They want you to be best armed with some beneficial information and insights for you to have that happy ending with YOUR MAN. Because he is your man now, and I bet that feels bloody good!

 

I hope it goes well. It could turn out to be right for everyone if you all conduct yourselves with respect, sensitivity and kindness. Just be sensible about it because "pride comes before a fall"

 

Good luck

[whichwayisup]

yes i can understand why some bw would find it insensitive etc. she did post it in the ow forum though.

 

ANYBODY can find that offensive, don't have to be a BW or a BS to see that she was FLAUNTING this for attention. Maybe originally she wasn't intending any harm, but as her posts continue to read, she couldn't really give a crap about anybody but herself and MM.

 

Another great reply by Veron.

[wyldflower]

Look guys,

 

The title of my thread was thought up at the last minute and was the least important of all that I said. I never expected it to draw such a response. Quite possibly a lot of the outcry MAY come from cultural differences. in Australia, we use the term "my man" quite flippantly. I have become defensive, purely through the negative comments of others, but defensive nonetheless and that is quite out of character for me.

 

I never wanted attention or to flaunt my situation (the win I referred to, by the way, was NOT over the wife but over the ups and downs in my life, of which he has always been a part - trying to get over him, believing in following my heart despite the fact that life experience in the past has not rewarded me for doing so). I just wanted to add a story that has a different ending (THUS FAR, for all of you who want to jump on the "it's not the end yet" band wagon). I wanted to offer a different perspective. Why would I want to gloat to a group of people I will never meet? It doesn't make sense.

 

Yes, I was and still am happy. This doesn't mean I don't feel for his wife and children. At the end of the day she is better off with a man who is not in love with her and the children no longer see Mummy and Daddy screaming at each other at regular intervals each day. Theirs was not a happy marriage, but I never felt it right to talk about their circumstances. I only talked of mine and his, which some of you may have read into as selfish. Can't please everyone!

I have responded with the same negativity that I have received. For this I apologise. I guess there may have been some added confusion when my friend hopped on and posted under my username. I am not a bad person, nor am I someone who enjoys confrontation. I know there are a lot of men and women out there whose circumstances could very well end up this way, but are subjected to being painted as a bad person because they didn't meet and fall in love the "traditional" way.

[Katch22]

Congrats on the final outcome that you wanted!!!

I still pray that's were mine will end up, and all of my friends that are close to us believe too!! But know one knows. But you hung in there and that's awesome to hear that someone really does get what they want. And if that's being Selfish then I'm sorry but I think most of us as children were raised by our parents or whoever that you go out and get exactly what you want..... I don't think they would've recommended a MM but who's to say that it's not true LOVE!!!

Happy Holidays and just be prepared for the ups and downs that you will now face... The battle of BS it is never easy!

 

Someone made a comment on how it seems to be a competion between the w and ow to who will win... It might sound crazy but sometimes it's just that and a winner/loser always has to end a long enduring fight!!

 

Good night & Congrats to you and your MAN

Katch22

[mopar crazy]

Ah, the sweet smell of victory. And even more so the reassurance that what I was feeling was real, albeit in ****ty circumstances.

J left his wife for good. She has agreed to let him go. He's moved out, in with brother and is asleep in my bed as we speak. Said he just couldn't go on living a lie. Wants to move in together as soon as my lease is up.

All this within two and a half months (although we have been friends for years and romantically involved EXCLUSIVELY for a few months, when he and wife split for a year a couple of years back)

Promised me I will never have to worry about losing him again. I know it too.

So there ARE some happy endings.

And I'm so glad I believed him when he said he wanted to leave her.

Without sounding condescending or judgemental, our affair was not a two or three year one. It was a couple of months. For the women who have been involved in affairs for years, i'd say chances of him leaving are slim to none.

And the way I got him?

I told him I was NOT going to be OW, started to move on, stood my ground, was his friend REGARDLESS and never gave him any more grief or pressure than what he was already dealing with.

And for the doubters, yes it is FINAL and OFFICIAL!

Yay for me!

 

I haven't read all the replies to this thread so if I repeat something I apologize. Why I am glad that you refused to be the OW you are until the D is final, IMHO. And the part that got me was the "I got my man" and "Ah, the sweet smell of victory." He was not your man for the taking. He was/is a MM and I don't see this as a victory. Until the D is final he is still his W's "man."

 

My H also had an A w/ a co-worker he was good friends w/ for three years. Our M was rocky and she paid attention to him, told him she was attracted to him, blah, blah, blah. So, he told me he wanted a D, said neither one of us was happy and he wanted to set me free to find someone who would treat me the way I wanted to be treated. He claims the OW had nothing to do w/ the decision of the D but she was. Their A lasted a few months. After he filed for a D he was having second thoughts, even the OW told me he was after he filed. A month after our children and I moved away he called me begging and pleading me to take him back, he made a mistake, blah, blah, blah. He broke it off w/ the OW and I gave it a few weeks b4 I made my decision on working on the M. I am not saying your MM will leave you to go back to his W, just shield your heart b/c it may happen.