For anyone who has ever been used before. It's our turn to get revenge!!Give me some ideas!!

[Cain]

Hi, everyone. Oh-this is good. I'm going to make this as short as possible. I know I'll have to leave a lot of blank spots, but just believe all the stuff I tell you. I started getting close to this girl towards the end of April. I was happy because I had been attracted to her for a long time. We spent some time alone together and she started throwing herself at me and telling me to be more aggressive, etc. I told her that I wanted to wait until I was married to have sex, but yet she didn't give up. But, she wouldn't let me call her my girlfriend and she stopped calling me,but would ask me why I hadn't called her, etc. Then, she started acting strange and saying weird things. She said "I don't think you should pursue me anymore." But, then she would ask me to go out with her and stuff like that. Then, she started saying things like "you are too good for me"etc. she sounded convincing, too. My friends told me that she had an inferiority complex, etc. (well...i think she does have a major self-esteem problem, but that's another story). Then, she started telling me that we were too "different" and things like that. But, she said "you are so shy" and I am more outgoing and opinionated, etc. So "we are just too different." That was strange to me, because we had a class together last semester here at my college, so she already knew that I was shy before she ever started pursuing me. Let me make this shorter...... This girl was just trying to use me for sex!!! It took me so long to finally realize it-- because if you saw her, then you'd swear that she was a sweet little angel-- big brown eyes, beautiful blonde hair, and a sweet smile. But... it is true. This was like a game to this girl and she thought that she was going to make me her next "conquest." But, because of my strong moral convictions... she lost her game. I'm probably the first guy who ever turned her down. It seems like it should have been obvious to me, but it wasn't at the time. But-- that is why she looked so angry/upset when i told her that i wanted to wait until i was married. But... after I said that, she STILL tried to get me into bed... but I never gave in. But, I did really care about her (before I knew the REAL her) and that is why i didn't understand why she would throw herself at me all the time and always call me, etc. and then just stopped one day. I didn't understand how she could tell me all the sweet things that she told me, and then just turn around and say we were "too different." She was trying to get rid of me!! Ha, ha-- and she still is!!! She doesn't know that I know that is all she wanted from me-- but I found out recently-- and I'm 100% sure--that that is the truth. So now, she doesn't want a relationship with me-- she just wants sex. But, a lot of people saw us out together, and so she can't just say "I don't want to have a relationship with you-- I just wanted sex" because she is scared that she would get a reputation. And-- I don't mean to sound conceited or anything-- but she couldn't find anything wrong with me to justify a reason for leaving. So-- she has tried to discourage me from pursuing her!! Ha, ha. She'll say things like "i don't think you want a relationship with me because I can be a real bitch sometimes, etc." But, I have never stopped pursuing her. But, i thought that it was because she had this "inferiority/self-esteem" complex. I didn't know that she was trying to get rid of me. ha, ha. She can't make up any lies about me to justify leaving me because I know so many people-- and they would never believe her lies, trust me. But, this is so funny. Now, this girl has just started ignoring me. I know what she is thinking- I promise!! She is thinking: "okay, there's this guy who I wanted to have sex with, but he turned me down even though I tried and tried. But, he really wants a relationship with me, but I don't want to have a relationship with him. I've tried being mean (she did) and I tried saying "we are too different" and none of that worked... so now, if I ignore him, then he'll lose interest and stop wanting a relationship with me." This is so funny, I swear. This girl knows that I am the only guy here (because she just moved to this area a few months ago) who knows her "true colors." You'd never believe this girl was like that if you saw her. But, my question is: What do I do? I don't want her to just get away with what she tried to do, but in a way, I don't want to do anything to hurt her because I don't want to stoop down to her level. Everyone around here knows that I am a very honest person- all I have to do is mention what this girl did and everyone at my college would know about it in a week. This girl knows this, too, and she is scared that I will do just that! So, should I scare her and tell her that is what I'm going to do? or-- should I play stupid and act like I still want a relationship with her-- which would annoy the hell out of her because she doesn't care about me at all-- she just wants sex. I don't want her to get away with what she did. One of my friends told me that I should call her and make her think that I am finally willing to "give it up" to her-- and then turn her down when she thinks it is going to happen. Any other ideas? Like I said, I don't want to do anything that would damage her for life or anything like that-- but she needs to learn a lesson. This girl wasn't expecting to be turned down. That is why she tried even harder when i didn't do anything... she was feeling rejected. But, what should I do to get back? Any ideas?! Let me know a.s.a.p.

[Chrisite]

First, I think you should calm down a bit. I sensed an enormous hatred through out your message, which I don't think is healthy. I will try to give you my best interpretation and analogy of the situation that I'm seeing, so please bear with my long explanation.

 

It's very clear that things didn't work out between you two. You strongly think she only wanted you for sex, but if that's the case, I don't think she would have hung out with you for such a long time. Probably she wanted to have sex to make herself feel attractive, but your rejection made her feel "rejected" as a woman in general so she got pissed off. Probably she has low self-esteem and the only thing that makes her feel good is when men pay attention in a sexual way. It could be that she never learned how to truly respect herself nor love herself properly. It takes time to realize what you really want in a relationship and who you really are. This process seems to happen mostly throughout college years for many people and it requires a lot of "hurting others" and "getting hurt". It seems like she still doesn't know what she wants and that you happened to be one of the men that she will hurt during that process. But please do understand that this happens to everybody. How many people have you hurt in the past without your knowledge? or, you can't be definite about whether you will hurt a very nice woman in the future. These kind of things just happen...and when it does, you will understand that there is no real villain in the game of love. One day you are the victim and the next, you're the villain.

 

This might sound harsh, but I'm just pointing out what I see in many relationships so please understand my example.

 

People start dating people because they are definitely interested in them and after a certain period you get to know what you like, or don't like about that person. You can't control how these emotions develop during this period. You either develop a stronger emotion for that person, or you don't. Many times, there is an imbalance between two people where one develops a stronger emotion for the other. This can cause pressure on the person who doesn't feel the same way. The question is how you act when you are put in that situation. Are you going to blow the person off? or are you going to continue seeing the person just because you feel guilty of hurting him/her? Well, most of the time, people don't want to be seen as a "bad" person, so they keep on dating the person out of obligation. They try to tell themselves that there must be something wrong with them and that if they hang out with the person enough that love will "grow", but this is not healthy for either party. The more you try to love somebody out of obligation, the more it will not work out. Love should never be an obligation. The problem is that the person who developed a stronger emotion has to suffer from this imbalance...which in this case is you. I understand that you feel rejected and angry but you must see it through her point of view. She doesn't know what she wants. She vaguely knew that she liked you enough, but not enough to be in a relationship. She wanted to see if she could develop stronger emotions for you, which I think is why she wanted to have sex with you so badly, but since you didn't give her what she wanted, she felt rejected. And after that, she probably lost interest.

 

Does this make her an evil person who just used you for sex? It depends on how you see it. If you didn't develop such emotions for her, would you be so hurt? I don't think so. The only reason you are so upset is because she has that emotional control over you. If you weren't interested in her in such a way, who knows...you could have just slept with her and said, "hey I don't find her that interesting anymore" or "she's not my type". Then she could have been the one who was hurt. Do you see what I'm getting at?

 

What you are letting her do to you is not her responsibility. It's yours. If you become liberated from her control over you, that is the ultimate revenge. I just read a book the other day that had a great line in it. It's about a boy who did many mean things to a girl that he secretly likes. He feels guilty about the way he treated her. There's a line that says, "But Esthie hates me. Perhaps worse than hates, she never thinks of me at all." Do you see the wisdom here? The girl who treated you badly probably doesn't like you in a romantic way anymore. But that doesn't mean that she doesn't know that she hurt your feelings. Trust me, she does. She probably isn't mature enough to face the responsibilties of dealing with other people's emotions. If you keep on hating her and feeling hurt, that's allowing her to have control over you. If you just ignore her and don't even think of her at all, that's making her existence not important...which is actually the ultimate revenge. I know it will take a long time not feeling hurt and that this message won't really ease your pain, but I'm just trying to give you some insight on what I have experienced myself. I've been hurt and rejected many times. I felt that all men were jerks for not loving me the way I loved them. But guess what, when the one man who really loved me appeared, I was the one who ended up hurting him. I never thought I would be the person who hurt the other, but I just didn't feel what the other person was feeling. Does that make me a bad person? what do you think?

 

So my point is that you should just move on and meet the many other wonderful people who will make your life fulfilling and loving. Don't dwell on the past and don't let this girl have so much influence over you. You will meet somebody who really loves you and treats you for your worth and that person will be the lucky one. It's too bad that this girl didn't see you for who you are and that's her loss, isn't it? Don't waste you energy on somebody who doesn't deserve it, reserve it for the people who need you and love you. That's what makes you stronger and more attractive.

 

I hope my babbling didn't annoy you or anything, but I really understand how you feel. So that's why I went off and wrote so much. I guess writing about things like this gives me reassurance of myself as well. So good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

[CMW]

Cain, Hi it's me again. I know that you know deep in your heart that the best revenge of all is to do absolutely nothing, except for one thing. Pray! Pray for her poor lost soul. You have probably made the biggest impression on her that you could already by just turning her down and sticking to your moral conviction. Move on and wait for the one that God has already planned for you.

First, I think you should calm down a bit. I sensed an enormous hatred through out your message, which I don't think is healthy. I will try to give you my best interpretation and analogy of the situation that I'm seeing, so please bear with my long explanation. It's very clear that things didn't work out between you two. You strongly think she only wanted you for sex, but if that's the case, I don't think she would have hung out with you for such a long time. Probably she wanted to have sex to make herself feel attractive, but your rejection made her feel "rejected" as a woman in general so she got pissed off. Probably she has low self-esteem and the only thing that makes her feel good is when men pay attention in a sexual way. It could be that she never learned how to truly respect herself nor love herself properly. It takes time to realize what you really want in a relationship and who you really are. This process seems to happen mostly throughout college years for many people and it requires a lot of "hurting others" and "getting hurt". It seems like she still doesn't know what she wants and that you happened to be one of the men that she will hurt during that process. But please do understand that this happens to everybody. How many people have you hurt in the past without your knowledge? or, you can't be definite about whether you will hurt a very nice woman in the future. These kind of things just happen...and when it does, you will understand that there is no real villain in the game of love. One day you are the victim and the next, you're the villain.

 

This might sound harsh, but I'm just pointing out what I see in many relationships so please understand my example. People start dating people because they are definitely interested in them and after a certain period you get to know what you like, or don't like about that person. You can't control how these emotions develop during this period. You either develop a stronger emotion for that person, or you don't. Many times, there is an imbalance between two people where one develops a stronger emotion for the other. This can cause pressure on the person who doesn't feel the same way. The question is how you act when you are put in that situation. Are you going to blow the person off? or are you going to continue seeing the person just because you feel guilty of hurting him/her? Well, most of the time, people don't want to be seen as a "bad" person, so they keep on dating the person out of obligation. They try to tell themselves that there must be something wrong with them and that if they hang out with the person enough that love will "grow", but this is not healthy for either party. The more you try to love somebody out of obligation, the more it will not work out. Love should never be an obligation. The problem is that the person who developed a stronger emotion has to suffer from this imbalance...which in this case is you. I understand that you feel rejected and angry but you must see it through her point of view. She doesn't know what she wants. She vaguely knew that she liked you enough, but not enough to be in a relationship. She wanted to see if she could develop stronger emotions for you, which I think is why she wanted to have sex with you so badly, but since you didn't give her what she wanted, she felt rejected. And after that, she probably lost interest. Does this make her an evil person who just used you for sex? It depends on how you see it. If you didn't develop such emotions for her, would you be so hurt? I don't think so. The only reason you are so upset is because she has that emotional control over you. If you weren't interested in her in such a way, who knows...you could have just slept with her and said, "hey I don't find her that interesting anymore" or "she's not my type". Then she could have been the one who was hurt. Do you see what I'm getting at? What you are letting her do to you is not her responsibility. It's yours. If you become liberated from her control over you, that is the ultimate revenge. I just read a book the other day that had a great line in it. It's about a boy who did many mean things to a girl that he secretly likes. He feels guilty about the way he treated her. There's a line that says, "But Esthie hates me. Perhaps worse than hates, she never thinks of me at all." Do you see the wisdom here? The girl who treated you badly probably doesn't like you in a romantic way anymore. But that doesn't mean that she doesn't know that she hurt your feelings. Trust me, she does. She probably isn't mature enough to face the responsibilties of dealing with other people's emotions. If you keep on hating her and feeling hurt, that's allowing her to have control over you. If you just ignore her and don't even think of her at all, that's making her existence not important...which is actually the ultimate revenge. I know it will take a long time not feeling hurt and that this message won't really ease your pain, but I'm just trying to give you some insight on what I have experienced myself. I've been hurt and rejected many times. I felt that all men were jerks for not loving me the way I loved them. But guess what, when the one man who really loved me appeared, I was the one who ended up hurting him. I never thought I would be the person who hurt the other, but I just didn't feel what the other person was feeling. Does that make me a bad person? what do you think? So my point is that you should just move on and meet the many other wonderful people who will make your life fulfilling and loving. Don't dwell on the past and don't let this girl have so much influence over you. You will meet somebody who really loves you and treats you for your worth and that person will be the lucky one. It's too bad that this girl didn't see you for who you are and that's her loss, isn't it? Don't waste you energy on somebody who doesn't deserve it, reserve it for the people who need you and love you. That's what makes you stronger and more attractive.

 

I hope my babbling didn't annoy you or anything, but I really understand how you feel. So that's why I went off and wrote so much. I guess writing about things like this gives me reassurance of myself as well. So good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

[and Able]

Hey let it go. You are trying so hard to be sanctimonious yet you want to use revenge to make yourself feel better. Yes make yourself feel better not get back at her. Life is full of different kinds of people with different needs. Not everybody believes in saving themselves for marriage. Whatever your choice is it should be your choice not someone else's. Move on she is not what you want. Do not stoop to revenge then you will be the issue not her.

[Cain]

Trust me, Christie-- you are wrong about her!! She was not trying to develop stronger interest in me because I was interested in her. In fact, in the beginning, I showed almost no interest in her-- she was chasing after me-- for a long time, too. And I know, for a fact--that she wanted sex. She did not care about me. And- I don't feel rejected. No, I didn't get a relationship with her, but she didn't get what she wanted either. But the point is--she lied to me for the longest time (about a lot of things!). And it isn't a matter of thinking that she lied- I KNOW she did. Don't try to psycho-analyze this girl-- she is manipulative and deceitful. In fact do you know where she is right now?-- At work in Georgia. Do you know where she told me she is now? California. This girl is just a liar--she isn't some innocent girl who just didn't want a relationship with me. She knew from the beginning exactly what she was planning to do with me. But... my friends and I have a plan now--and boy, is it a good one!!!

[Christie]

I tried to analyze her just to give some examples on how realitionships don't work out on various levels. I'm not saying that she's some innocent girl who you misunderstood. I can tell she definitely has issues by the way she was lying and treating you. I was just trying to make you see why she could have had some issues or why she was acting, or "using" you--if that's the term you like to use--the way she was. I was trying to ease your anger by showing a different aspect of relationships, but it seems like your anger has blinded your ability to even try to comprehend, or forgive. So what if she lied to you? I know that angers you but that's her problem and she has to deal with it. She must be a miserable person to keep on lying and deceiting people. She might not want to admit it, but she's the one who knows best what she's doing to people. I really think that you should let go.

 

I honestly think that your anger is out of control now. The way you describe and write on the message board is filled with hatred and anger that actually concerns me. I hope you aren't trying to do something you will regret later. Why are you involving your friends in something that you have to deal with? I mean, don't you think that's a bit out of control? I hope you can calm down a bit and try concentrating on what you can do better in the next relationship rather than concentrating on how to avenge her. I mean, if you had no intention of being in a relationship with her, why even bother? Admitting that you were hurt because you really liked her is a good first step to understanding the situation. The next is admitting that she was a horrible person to you and that you will never fall for a person like that next time. Each relationship will give you an opportunity to learn about yourself and the other person as well. This time you learned that there are bad women out there who you need to avoid and you learned about their character traits. So please don't get so caught up by this woman and move on. As I told you before, moving on IS the ultimate revenge.