Scottie R Posted July 3, 2001 Share Posted July 3, 2001 To all, I just found this place, and hopefully it is a blessing in disguise. A bit about me, I am 20, very mentally meture for my age, and I am in love with a beautiful girl called Anji. I am a professional sports person, the fastest 100m runner in Australia, and I am also a graphic designer. We have been together for 15 months. The start of our relationship was amazing, we really hit it off, we knew each other so well, we could even finish each other's sentences. We get along, got along so well. I took her to the ballet for our 1yr anniversary, and we have given each other rings. We are a couple that all our friends wish they we like (they say)... But lately, she has been showing less and less love to me, and in return I have been clinging harder and harder to her. She loves her independance, and I am the kind that loves to be loved deeply. My heart has these needs for love, to be shown love.... .and I slowly am getting less and less, even though she says she loves me when I question it.... I live 4 hours from her at the moment... I go up every weekend and visit her..... she gets annoyed if I stay for more than 2 days... and just recently (now0 she is down here visiting her friends... and only planned one day with me...... and all the times I have asked her to be with me while she is down... she has said no... I am falling apart, she is the most amazing thing in the world to me, and I don't know what to do... she is my Angel, my star... and my heart belongs to her..... But my logic says.. i have to stop hurting and I might have to LET HER go.... before I DO tear up.... Any help would be SO appreciated!! Sorry this is so long.... but I need help. Regards Scottie R Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 3, 2001 Share Posted July 3, 2001 You are way too lovesick for a young girl. You did not give her age but I am assuming she is generally your age or perhaps younger. Females of this age enjoy the beginnings of romance but in the long run they prefer a challenge...their passion is rooted more in what they can't have than in what they can. You are way too romantic, predictable, loving, caring, etc. for her. This is not what she wants or needs at this stage of her life. She wants a MAN who is sure of himself, one who can live with her or without her, one who is not packed tightly up her butt, one who is NOT her shadow...sort of the opposite of everything you describe yourself at this point. So you better get your act together. Stop showing her so much that you care one way or the other how much time she spends with you. On some weekends, don't even bother with her...do other things. Be nice to her but become a mystery. Have her burning with desire for you. Don't call her all the time. When you talk to her, sometimes make the conversations short. Turn this whole thing around so it is HER and not YOU who longs for more of a presence. Lovers like you are really nice in story books and movies but in real life they don't keep their beloved for long, at least not at your age. Young girls want a guy who is aloof, unpredictable, and a challenge. They want a guy who gives them a bit of a rough time. Even older women dislike a guy who is in their face all the time. YUK!!! A man who is as lovesick as yourself and who constantly professes his love to her is ultimately going to make her very sick to her stomach and she won't want to be around at all. I'm really sorry you were trained by other than a master of love. But it's not too late. Start getting out and looking out for yourself and stop showing this girl you are so sick in love with her. That's not what she wants. Make her guess how you feel. Sometimes be romantic and sometimes don't even be where she can find you. If you become as cool as I have suggested, you will having her burning with desire for you. Just don't give in. You MUST remain a challenge...you MUST remain unpredictable...YOU MUST BE A MYSTERY TO HER....KEEP HER GUESSING!!! Turn this around fast, my friend, it's not too late. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 3, 2001 Share Posted July 3, 2001 The most certain way to loose the love of a young girl is to be too clingy. I mean you will drive them away every single time. As I said above, they want mystery and intrigue. They don't want a guy who wears his heart on his shoulder. You keep up what you are doing and you will lose her FOR SURE!!! Stop this clingy stuff. She is wanting a man who is confident, who is sure of himself. It is not too late for you to turn this around. She will be absolutely amazed if you change your attitude and not care so much, not see her so much, not talk to her as often, and STOP BEING CLINGY. It will drive her crazy!!! Remember, you've got to be cool about this. Don't make your new strategy so obvious. Just act normal...but different. Don't make it look like you got advice from somewhere. Make your new behavior look very natural. If you don't do what I am telling you, she will be history in a matter of weeks. Right now, she may be trying to figure how to get away from you. Women just don't like little clingy, insecure "boys." THEY WANT MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Scottie R Posted July 3, 2001 Share Posted July 3, 2001 Hey there, well, I guess what you have said, is blatantly obvious to me, and even once or twice we have talked, and our conversation has hinted on the suggestions you have given me... I AM LOVESICK.... no doubt.... but I WILL.... WILL take your advice, I need to finally do it, or I will lose her for good. Example, tomorrow, I have a lunch date with her in town. Although I DO have work to do, still I could push it away and be with her all day... If I were to be as you wrote, I should have lunch wit her, but rather than stay all day with her, tell her I have to go, maybe even have a 'short' lunch, then drop her off and go do some more work... I guess I do need to make it look like I have my own life - WHICH I DO - I train daily for my sport etc etc... but she takes that for granted and knows I do that. Man, i guess it really took someone to spell it out for me... rather bluntly.. and I thank you for that. Is there any chance of chatting on ICQ? If so, I will put my number in my next message. regards Scottie R Link to post Share on other sites
Scottie R Posted July 3, 2001 Share Posted July 3, 2001 I forgot to say that tonight, she said to me that we should cool down for a bit, that it is too FULL ON etc etc... you know the drill.... She says she wants to be able to say to herself 'I wanna go see Scott', when she feels like it, rather than having it planned weeks before. In other words, you are right, I know whathas to be done, and I am going to do it, coz she means that much to me. She has just turned 19 by the way, so your assumption was correct. I also want to move in wit hher, but I keep pushing it onto her, and keep asking her why she won't move in yet... A couple of my friends and her friends have moved it together.. and sometimes... RARELY, I bring that up... say things like "well Sam and Joe are living together, they have only been together for 8 months, we should be together living itogether too....." ... I know now that pushing that issue is only gonna make it longer before she moves in with me, if at all.... So I guess NO MORE OF THAT THEN!! I am moving back up to Sydney, where she lives, and I think I will try be more independant this time, not need her to come looking for a plce with me.... try and make myself look like I can handle life without her.... but at the same time still care and love her... Agree? Scottie R Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 3, 2001 Share Posted July 3, 2001 Bye golly, I think you've got it!!! But you have to keep it up, you can't just do it for a day or two and then go back to kissing her butt. When you are with her today, make your meal pleasant, don't talk about anything mushy, but once the two of you are finished...exchange pleasantries and let her know you must get on...back to work or to errands or whatever and go right away...don't hesitate. Give her a quick kiss...no big deal. This will not be typical of you and it will drive her nuts. You will get a call from her later. When she calls, be friendly, let her know you're happy she called, but talk only three or four minutes and tell her you have some work to catch up on and will talk to her tomorrow. In a few days (unless the subject comes up later), let her know you've decided to go ahead and get a place by yourself. Later on, if things are OK, then she can move in if she likes. Just leave it at that and say no more. I know this is going to be hard for you but you have really screwed this whole thing up awfully bad. You just don't treat a young chick like a princess, kiss her butt, etc. or she will pulverize you, smash you, chop you up, spit you onto the street in from of a steamroller. I think you have the point and I'm sure others who post here will verify that this is what you have to do. Being too nice, to available, too predictable is absolutely fatal. (I learned all this quite by accident. In college, I was madly in love with the most beautiful girl on campus. She was smart, blonde, a ballerina with perfect legs...the whole package) Everytime she got near, I would say a few words to her, smile nicely and move on. I had a class with her and would walk with her and a group on to the student center and then go my way. I did this because my heart was beating so fast, pounding so hard, from being near her, I was so nervous I couldn't handle it. (Anyway, she thought I was just being cool and coy. She had no idea I avoided her because I was so in love with her, so nervous, so dry mouthed, etc. So the more I avoided her...because I was madly in love with her...the more she came after me...sought me out...called me, etc. The more she did that, the more I hid from her, the more I split from class early. And the more elusive I was, the more she fell in love with me. Go figure!!!) Needless to say, I later became an absolute master on getting girls to fall for me. I must say in all modesty I have had more than my share...but not because I kissed their butt. I don't remember ever sending one of them a card or flowers...but I got lots of them. No, I'm not mean, I'm just not a card person. Link to post Share on other sites
Dunno Posted July 3, 2001 Share Posted July 3, 2001 I am your age and I think that the way you are sensitive is great. I would love to find someone like you. I have been given a rough time, and I don't want a man who is going to give me a rough time or someone who is unpredictable. What I am looking for, as a 20 year old female, is someone who knows what they want to do with their life. Someone who wants to be with me all the time. Someone who I know will still be there when I come home from work. I don't want anymore challenges... I just want to be with somebody who loves me. It just sounds like she is not compatible to your personality. It doesn't mean that you have to change. If you go changing for everyone else, you're not your true self. Women like guys who don't put on a front, they like guys who are acting like themselves- and not what someone else wants them to be. Women appreciate that in a man. Just try letting her go her own seperate way. I know it hurts, believe me. But, that's the best thing that you can do. If she really does love you, and she wants to be with you, then she will come back to you. A relationship that is meant to be, always finds a way of working things out. If it's not meant to be, than so be it. You'll be okay, everything will work out. It's easier said than done though. You are way too lovesick for a young girl. You did not give her age but I am assuming she is generally your age or perhaps younger. Females of this age enjoy the beginnings of romance but in the long run they prefer a challenge...their passion is rooted more in what they can't have than in what they can. You are way too romantic, predictable, loving, caring, etc. for her. This is not what she wants or needs at this stage of her life. She wants a MAN who is sure of himself, one who can live with her or without her, one who is not packed tightly up her butt, one who is NOT her shadow...sort of the opposite of everything you describe yourself at this point. So you better get your act together. Stop showing her so much that you care one way or the other how much time she spends with you. On some weekends, don't even bother with her...do other things. Be nice to her but become a mystery. Have her burning with desire for you. Don't call her all the time. When you talk to her, sometimes make the conversations short. Turn this whole thing around so it is HER and not YOU who longs for more of a presence. Lovers like you are really nice in story books and movies but in real life they don't keep their beloved for long, at least not at your age. Young girls want a guy who is aloof, unpredictable, and a challenge. They want a guy who gives them a bit of a rough time. Even older women dislike a guy who is in their face all the time. YUK!!! A man who is as lovesick as yourself and who constantly professes his love to her is ultimately going to make her very sick to her stomach and she won't want to be around at all. I'm really sorry you were trained by other than a master of love. But it's not too late. Start getting out and looking out for yourself and stop showing this girl you are so sick in love with her. That's not what she wants. Make her guess how you feel. Sometimes be romantic and sometimes don't even be where she can find you. If you become as cool as I have suggested, you will having her burning with desire for you. Just don't give in. You MUST remain a challenge...you MUST remain unpredictable...YOU MUST BE A MYSTERY TO HER....KEEP HER GUESSING!!! Turn this around fast, my friend, it's not too late. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 3, 2001 Share Posted July 3, 2001 Dunno makes some excellent points...and she's very right. You shouldn't have to change for somebody. But while dunno is looking for a nice guy, most women are turned off by a guy who just throws themselves into their laps. It's too bad you and dunno can't get together. However, you probably wouldn't be interested in her because you are wanting a challenge, the very thing you haven't been to the lady you are pursuing...who wants a challenge also. When you are ready, you will find a lady like dunno who is ready as well. It all works out in the wash, I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
Scottie R Posted July 3, 2001 Share Posted July 3, 2001 Thanks guys, well, today I am off to lunch with my girlfriend, and I WILL do as we spoke about. I WONT change, I dont need to change to be like this, because when we first started going out, I WAS like this, I Just DIDNT realise it. The longer we went out for, the more I wanted to see her, vicious circle really. So now it is time for me to NOT change, just to back off the way I do things, go back to the normal me, the one that was mysterious and ellusive etc etc She used to call me all the time when I was like that. Can I have your e-mail address Tony? mine is: <e-mail address removed> I don't mind posting it on this forum, I just wanted to keep you posted on how things go, i owe that much to you. Thanks guys!! Regards Scottie R (R is for Richardson) Link to post Share on other sites
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