Sailynn Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 For the past three months, I've been talking to and spending time with my ex-gf. We've talked about past issues and have been having fun to boot. Anyway, last week, she stopped me dead in my tracks and wanted to talk seriously about us. She said she felt happy when she is with me, is joyed we're together again, was wrong about me, wants to continue to get together, wants to spend lots of time together, enjoy our moments, laugh and kiss and take the path to develop more than friendship and see where it goes. She said she "wants to go slow." Sort of take "Baby Steps." Just what does that mean? Call me once a week? Twice? Don't speak of your feelings? Make me attracted to you again? Be charming and I'll let you win me back? Don't put any pressure on me? What does it really mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 You need to ask her.. Remember that if you are in the 2nd chance mode that miscommunication at this time is the wrong thing to be happening.. You need to make sure that you both are on the same page.. and if she has an issue with you asking and clarifing your position then she wasn't going to give you a shot anyways.. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 Call me once a week? Twice? Don't speak of your feelings? Make me attracted to you again? Be charming and I'll let you win me back? Don't put any pressure on me?Yes, I think that's what it means. Once or twice a week. No pressure, wine and dine her. Follow her lead, but still give her something to get excited about. What you should not do is start calling her all the time, wanting to be together constantly. Take her on dates. Limit the phone calls. Bring on the romance. Too much too soon is overwhelming and space in between is more romantic. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 Yes, I think that's what it means. Once or twice a week. No pressure, wine and dine her. Follow her lead, but still give her something to get excited about. Yep, that's probably it. Give, give, give and expect little, if anything, in return. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 Maybe she was hurt before in her last relationship and she wants to take it slow so because she still having mixed feelings about being in a realtionship with anybody ...Be patient if she wants to be with you she will if not move on and find someone that does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sailynn Posted November 7, 2005 Author Share Posted November 7, 2005 No pressure, wine and dine her. Follow her lead, but still give her something to get excited about. Take her on dates. Limit the phone calls. Bring on the romance. You have pegged it with your words. In some other ways, what I gather she's saying is: "Make me feel ATTRACTION for you." "Show me you're that man who knows how to stir me emotions." "Show me you know how to light me up, start me up, etc.." "Don't try to please me." "Show me you have some mettle." "Show me you know how to light me up." "When that happens, I'll surprise you one night and jump you." "I want to see if you have a life beyond me." "I want to find out if you're just obsessed with me or genuinely love me." "Listen to me, support me, befriend me, excite me." "Pressure me and I'll disappear like a magician." Now, I just have to do it. Introduce a little strategy, but you know what, I really don't want to contrive any of my actions. I trust my feelings, I know how I feel and I have to go with that, yet, I believe I need to hideaway just a little bit more. You see, I know that she knows how I feel about her. She knows I love her. I'm willing to risk it, because the reward may indeed be a greater love than I have ever known. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 She said she "wants to go slow." Sort of take "Baby Steps." just for the record SAILYNN....a woman who it totally into you and loves you will never utter the above words...she is trying to "recast" your relationship as just "friends". Do not be "friends"... basically what this means is that your should cast your fishing net in another river.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sailynn Posted November 7, 2005 Author Share Posted November 7, 2005 ....a woman who it totally into you and loves you will never utter the above words... I have learned in my life that a woman can feel attraction for a man rather quickly and will go through fire to be with that man as quickly as she can. Loving someone is a choice, but "Attraction" is not a choice, it is a response to a man that stirs that in her, whether it happens in one hour or one year. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 I have learned in my life that a woman can feel attraction for a man rather quickly and will go through fire to be with that man as quickly as she can. Loving someone is a choice, but "Attraction" is not a choice, it is a response to a man that stirs that in her, whether it happens in one hour or one year. what does this jibberish above mean??? you wanted to know what "taking it slow" meant and I have told you. End of story. Link to post Share on other sites
RainyDayWoman Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 i have to agree with alpha. if i say i would like to take it slow, it means i am not sure about you yet and that i am probably leaning more towards not continuing a romantic relationship with you. as a woman, it is hard to just cut someone off (if they don't really deserve it) so i'll say "take it slow" instead and eventually phase you out completely. people are different, though. maybe she was hurt by you in some way and is interested in trying it again, but doesn't feel like giving up the goods until she thinks it might actually be going somewhere. you never know. however, you told us she said she wants this: "wants to continue to get together, wants to spend lots of time together, enjoy our moments, laugh and kiss and take the path to develop more than friendship and see where it goes. She said she "wants to go slow." Sort of take "Baby Steps."" so if this is what she said......maybe it's what she means. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 She might have a history of rushing in, and she is hoping that you will help her take things slow. Or, Maybe she's just talking about sex! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sailynn Posted November 7, 2005 Author Share Posted November 7, 2005 what does this jibberish above mean??? I've met plenty of women, who says they'd never sleep with a man until 4 dates, 7 dates, whatever, but however, they all have stories about the man that lit their fire in rather short order. That's what I'm trying to illustrate by saying "attraction is not necessarily a choice." It's a woman's natural primal response to an, pardon the expression, alpha male. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 I've met plenty of women, who says they'd never sleep with a man until 4 dates, 7 dates, whatever, but however, they all have stories about the man that lit their fire in rather short order. what most women say and what they do are two totally different things.... That's what I'm trying to illustrate by saying "attraction is not necessarily a choice." In some cases its a choice in some cases not. If a woman likes money (which is a concious choice) then she'll tend to be more attracted to rich men. If a women likes blond hair and blue eyes then she'll tend to be more attracted to men of nordic descent. Its is a choice when you choose not to be attracted to someone. For instance, I have zero attractions towards african-american women...and that is my choice. It's a woman's natural primal response to an, pardon the expression, alpha male. Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 I want to offer a different opinion on the subject. I am a woman who is persuing a second chance with my ex. I want to take things slow. This is because we completely rushed the relationship and I wasn't ready before. Now that I have been apart from him I realize a lot about him and myself. I love him with all my heart but I want to take things slow and get to know him again. Sometimes when we jump back into a relationship we get comfortable too fast. I am taking it slow because I want to passion and attraction you experience in the begginning to last. I want that "I can't get enough of you" phase to go on for as long as possible. I also want to take my time to make sure all the little problems from before are fixed as we go so we won't fight about them later on. But thats just me Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 I want that "I can't get enough of you" phase to go on for as long as possible. That's not love, though. That's infatuation. I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sailynn Posted November 7, 2005 Author Share Posted November 7, 2005 I want that "I can't get enough of you" phase..... It's about feeling, isn't it? That feeling of overwhelming attraction and you want him to initiate it in you. Right? That's okay. It is up to the man to initiate it. I believe a woman puts a tremendous amount of stock into how a man makes her feel and how he may feel, is not important. It's about how she feels. You want that feeling so you can submit your heart, body and soul to him, right? Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 I dont think its necessarily infatuation. A lot of times it is, but that can also be the time when love developes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sailynn Posted November 7, 2005 Author Share Posted November 7, 2005 I dont think its necessarily infatuation. It's not infatuation, it's attraction. You'd probably find it hard to explain. It's just that feeling you get when you're around this guy, right? He's his own man and you find that attractive, I'd guess. To me, the feeling you have, I call it primal attraction, is the basic element/catalyst that sparks a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 I think it is kind of a double standard that men must instigate this crazy attraction but a lot of women feel that way. With my ex, he doesn't need to initiate anything. I am crazy attracted to him and have been since way before we even spoke. That was never an issue. He doesn't have to do anything and I want to jump him. You have to remember though, things are different when you have already been with the person before. Its not like its someone new that is saying "lets take it slow". This is someone it didn't work out with before. You can't blame anyone for wanting to take their time in something they have already failed at. Strangely my reasoning for taking it slow is for him. I broke up with him before because I didn't have my **** together. Now I want to take it slow so I can show him I have bettered myself in our time apart. Link to post Share on other sites
downcydeguy Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 I think "taking it slow" means "let's not fall into the same routine from before." You need to discuss this with her. Only SHE knows what SHE means by saying she wants to take it slow. Re-start off on the right foot this time and communicate openly and honestly. Link to post Share on other sites
Stormy99 Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 Sailynn: Does it seem like she wants to spend more time together, laugh, etc ? If so, then I think "take it slow" means she wants to make sure that the same negative issues do not come up again. She wants to not fly quite so high and get high expectations so that IF there is a let down it will not hurt so bad. But the best way to know is it ask her yourself what does she mean by take it slow ? Are you able to get couples counseling together ? That might help. It might also prepare your for a more lasting future together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sailynn Posted November 8, 2005 Author Share Posted November 8, 2005 I'm beginning to think it means, just let your actions be congruent to being a friend. Since our date last Thursday night, she hasn't called me. She emailed me once, but just said she like the way my eyes were "dancing". I called her on Monday morining and she said she had a terrible headache. We confirmed a date to a concert and talked about jogging another night together, but whe didn't commit to that. When a woman kisses me the way she did, I tell you, I want to move forward, not creep along. Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 I know what you mean. I kissed my ex a week ago and stayed at his house a few days ago. Since then I have heard nothing. I sent him a text about having a good time and got nothing. Going slow sucks, but some people need reassurance that it won't go back to same old. Hang in there. Gets some hobbies to keep your mind off her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sailynn Posted November 8, 2005 Author Share Posted November 8, 2005 I believe I have a real chance here and I don't want to mess it up, but when you want something, and you now it is something good, I'm just not into procrastinating about it. I don't want to mull it over for weeks on end. I want to go for it. Saddle up and hold on. I can handle getting thrown off better than I can waiting for the right moment to mount up. I can't help believe that when faced with a choice, action is the way to go, not passivity. Why wouldn't they chose it. If I'm going to err in my life, I want to err on the side of action, not inaction. Frustrating! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 If I'm going to err in my life, I want to err on the side of action, not inaction. you obviously have not figured out yet, SAILYNN, that in certain situations doing and saying nothing is the best course of action. Link to post Share on other sites
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