pippen_2k Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 If she had any interest in you im sure you would be hearing from her alot more... You aint heard from her since last Thursday? Probably not looking that great dude and you could get hurt here. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 Probably not looking that great dude and you could get hurt here. I've pointed this out a number of times to SAILYNN but he refuses to wake up and smell the coffee... one thing he does not refuse to do is to waste our valuable time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sailynn Posted November 8, 2005 Author Share Posted November 8, 2005 ....I would think that at this point, actions would speak louder than words and there hasn't been much action since last Thursday when she was kissing me and hand holding, smiling, complimenting me and such. I'm just wondering whether to back off passively or to actively end it. I think I'll just sit on it a while and get back into my hobbies and spend time with friends, just like before she came back. I could get hurt if I don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sailynn Posted November 8, 2005 Author Share Posted November 8, 2005 I recognize that I have an obsession over this girl. I've never had this before in my life. Over the past eighteen months, after losing this girl, I have been dating other women, making new friends, focusing on my hobbies and trying out new ones. I've grown in the process and I've learned some good dating techniques, etc. The hardest part is, this girl slammed the door on our relationship months ago, taking away all my power and allowing me no chance to reconcile closure. Sure, I'm pissed about that and I've let her know it. It has just taken a lot of strength to get her out of my system for some reason. Even though I have hope for a second chance, I just may have collected enough information and had enough of an audience with her to air my issues and get rid of this baggage, and as it now appears, her. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 My guess is, she just doesn't want you to apply too much pressure on her in regards to immediate emotional involvement, you are not supposed to rush her into falling in love again. If you take things slow with less intense feelings you will have the chance to settle little conflicts with a cool head. Often problems become bigger and cause more pain, because there are so many feelings involved and people therefore are more willing to jump to conclusions to protect themselves, they shut down when they feel they're becoming too vulnerable and don't feel safe anymore. Let her experience the feeling that not every little conflict will turn into a drama accompanied with insecurities and heartaches. On the other hand, I assume that these points in revers apply to you as well. She surely doesn't want you to experience all these problems by investing too many emotions and becoming vulnerable so early either. If she is causing you pain, it in return will cause her distress as well. My take is that second chances should be approached really slowly. You made a lot of mistakes the first time and you should not rush to making the sames ones a second time, because then it might be the last time you will ever make them with the same person as it's very unlikely that you will get a third time. Work on your friendship with her and a solid fundament with her and things should fall into place on their own. I've been following your posts for quite a long time and from the way you described her she's a very sensitive person, pushing her will get you nowhere, so be patient. I personally think it's a good sign that she told you that she wants to take it slowly. It means, that she's willing to let you in, she's giving you a chance (I didn't get one... *sniff* ). Show her that you still care for her and that you're someone she can trust. Trust is not something that you can gain with easy words, it's something that you earn with actions and those in order to be believable take time. To prove your trustworthiness, you have to be consistent and reliable over a longer period of time. It's like taming a wild rabbit, you need lots of patience and you're only allowed to move real slow. Link to post Share on other sites
mini696 Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 She is obviously unsure of her feeling. She enjoys her time with you, but also remembers the hurt she felt when you were together before. If you push her to take things faster you WILL lose her. Just do what she asks, or leave. Link to post Share on other sites
rastafari Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 i personally do not think one set of words or sentance such as "lets take things slow" means one specific thing to all individuals. people act like its a phrase you look up in the dictionary and there is one defination. like some say "that definatly means she wants to be friends with you." perhaps it does mean that or perhaps she is scared of you to getting hurt again. or perhaps she is not sure about a relationship now. or maby she isnt sure about her feelings. or she doesnt want to make the same mastakes again. it could mean some of these things, all, or none. take everything on here with a grain of salt. i would say if she is kissing you then she doesnt want to be just friends. i think it is a very common thing to say when getting a second chance. i heard the same thing from my ex weeks back and agreed with her, i didnt want to get hurt again and wasnt sure. a few weeks later i was sleeping at her house, kissing etc. all i got to say is give her something to miss and dont call her all the time. put the ball in your court and play it cool. show her that you have a life. have her call and text you sayin she misses you and wants to see you. be a man, not a grobbling bit*h thats chasing her down. good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 Also, "lets take it slow" usually means emotionally rather than physically, especially when dealing with women. Link to post Share on other sites
RainyDayWoman Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 Also, "lets take it slow" usually means emotionally rather than physically, especially when dealing with women. really? i think it usually means both, but i guess it depends. Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 As far as second chances go, I think it means more emotionally. A few posters have mentioned kissing their exes and in a way that doesn't imply taking it slow. I am seeking a second chance with my ex where I want to "take things slow" and it is definately more emotionally. Physically I can't keep my hands off him. I may be just the odd girl out here, but I know a lot of women who don't feel its a big deal to sleep with/kiss an ex because they have been physical with them before. But emotions are a different matter. Link to post Share on other sites
rastafari Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 now im confused. emotions and physical actions sort of go hand and hand.if you kiss your ex its because you are physically showing your emotions... Link to post Share on other sites
suunto Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 I recognize that I have an obsession over this girl. I've never had this before in my life. Over the past eighteen months, after losing this girl, I have been dating other women, making new friends, focusing on my hobbies and trying out new ones. I've grown in the process and I've learned some good dating techniques, etc. The hardest part is, this girl slammed the door on our relationship months ago, taking away all my power and allowing me no chance to reconcile closure. Sure, I'm pissed about that and I've let her know it. It has just taken a lot of strength to get her out of my system for some reason. Even though I have hope for a second chance, I just may have collected enough information and had enough of an audience with her to air my issues and get rid of this baggage, and as it now appears, her. i assume you mean David D dating techniques, and the cf is working but the one thing he does say is if someone is treating you a certain way or is not what you want then move on, its always easier to start from scratch and then to get it right from the start rather than try and mend something Link to post Share on other sites
RainyDayWoman Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 it is often by far easier to end something strictly physical then it is to end something strictly emotional, depending on what each person's expectations are. Link to post Share on other sites
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