Divorced, but the drama still goes on. Court, court, and more court. Please help!

[yellowrose]

My ex-husband and I were finally divorced after a year-long battle at the end of March 2005. He immediately decided that the court ordered parenting arrangement was optional and has blown nearly every point of it away. Support payments are apparently optional and the amount is up to him, or so he's decided. This month I got a whopping $38 deposit.

 

He and his girlfriend have taken great sport in harassing me. I don't understand it. They had an affair. I left. What's to harass over? I think that she must just be incredibly insecure about the stability of their relationship. -And rightly so! How could she trust a man who she already knows lies and cheats? I don't get it. But it's their bed. I wish they'd just leave me alone. But it's impossible to sever the ties completely when I'm always having to follow up and play bill collector and JPA cop. "Why was our daughter 2 hours late to school after her visit with you?" "Where is your half of the health insurance?"

 

Add to that all sorts of misc. crap that is just below the legal radar and I'm living in a nightmare. This guy has called and canceled credit cards (ID'ed himself as my husband, had all the necessary info, ss#, etc.) saying they were stolen, he's called and cancelled airline tickets for me to go home to see my mother for Thanksgiving, he's sent personal e-mails to my boss, cancelled my mail-forwarding service then e-mailed to brag about destroying my mail, contacted my corporate HR department (again ID'ed himself as my husband) to get my benefits info, refused to attend court ordered sessions with a forensic therapist, continually harassed me for personal information about my boyfriend, stopped payment on a $1,000 check he wrote to my mother for a debt he owed me... The list goes on and on.

 

Nearly all of this is civil, meaning I have to come up with the $$$ after the $7,000 I have already had to spend in court just to divorce him and get joint custody.

 

I make *just* enough not to qualify for legal aid, but not enough to hire a lawyer to get him to stop.

 

Here's the whopper: On my birthday his girlfriend had a cop buddy of hers call my cell phone and threaten to arrest me if I ever called "their" house again. I explained to him as calmly as I could that we have a long history of civil issues and that nothing criminal is going on here. He seemed to get it, but because of the long and bumpy road added into the fact that it was my birthday, I called the house and left a few choice explatives on the voicemail. I basically said this, "You need to control your "effing" wh*re. The two of you have a life, get on with it and leave me alone. I want to live in peace. Just do what you're supposed to do. Get it together already and leave me alone."

 

That voicemail earned me a telephone harassment charge, which they then took and got an "emergency order of protection" because she's apprently "so scared and threatened" by me.

 

(I'd like to note that I've never met this girl.)

 

They had my daughter for visitation during this time, so I had to go 6 days with no phone calls or contact because in order to speak with her I would have to call her father.

 

 

 

All I want is for the harassing behavior to end.

 

I want them to leave me alone. I want to raise my daughter in peace. I don't want to spend my life in and out of court.

 

What do I do? I know most of this is civil, so I can't press charges, but it's all so much harassment that I can't live a strife-free life. Yet it doesn't legally qualify as harassment.

 

I'm desperate.

 

Does anyone know what I could do?

 

I'm in Illinois, if that helps with any legal input.

 

Thank you.

 

-yr

[Mz. Pixie]

Gosh, bless your heart.

 

Other than hire a hit man????

 

Why not purchase your child a pre paid cell phone that she can use to call you when she's with him??

 

Are there any type of charges you can file against them???

 

I'm so sorry!

[Art_Critic]

I know this isn't going to help.. But..

 

You need to hire an attorney and take him back to court..

 

His child support payment of 38$ puts him in contempt of court as well does the half of insurance money..

 

There isn't anything you can do about the GF except ignore her and continue to put him in front of a judge.. The more the judge sees him the worse it will get for him.

 

I know $7,000 is a lot for a divorce.. I spent $36,000 divorcing my ex and GA is a no fault 31 day divorce state.. and we have no kids..

Keep defending yourself and your children

[Craig]

Here's a starting point for you. Call up your local domestic violence center and get an appointment to see an advocate or counselor. They should have the information and/or legal resources available to you at a reduced or no charge at all. This is exactly the kind of situation that they are able to help with. Now make the call right now and don't give up until you talk to someone who can help you, they are out there but you may have to talk to a few people.

[yellowrose]

Are there any type of charges you can file against them???

 

Apparently not, not technically anyway. I spoke with (yet) another cop on Friday about how this all possibly adds up to a big, fat harassment charge. He said that they may be able to get him on harassment via electronic communication because of the abusive e-mails he sends me.

 

I've been calling around to the Illinois legal aid numbers for the past few days and have gotten nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. For most of them you have to be anywhere from 120% - 200% below the national poverty line. I'm not. I make $58k a year, but am also paying for everything on my own for my 4 year old. Like I said, we get along fine, but there's no room for error and there's not enough extra to go through another legal battle.

 

I feel really hopeless about the whole mess. How can I defend and protect myself? He's relentless! He was so abusive throughout our marriage. Always extreme verbal assualts. Now the sadistic power trips keep coming. I thought the divorce would make it end, but now he just has more ammo.

 

He just won't leave me alone.

 

What I need is a good lawyer who needs some pro bono time or who will work on a sliding scale and specializes in family law in Illinois.

 

Or a big Mac truck roaring down his street at just the right time.

 

Good lord.

[Mz. Pixie]

Make sure he has good life insurance.

 

I know where you're coming from. I make much less than you do and I had two kids to support at the time I filed for divorce.

 

I'm remarried and I'm still paying for it!!!

[yellowrose]

I should add that the scope/scale/income thing applies to a single mother living in downtown Chicago. --Just fyi, for anyone who might have any input or suggestions.

[Ladyjane14]

My suggestion to you would be that you adopt a policy of minimal contact. And I mean, as close to NO CONTACT as possible.

 

Your ex needs to be paying his child support through the court system for one thing. There's no reason that you should have to call him and ask for it. I'm no lawyer, but if he sends you an amount that is less than EXACTLY what the court ordered ....isn't that 'contempt of court'?

 

Further, anytime he uses your information to transact any function as your "husband", it would stand to reason that he is acting in a manner that is clearly fraudulent. If fraud is perpetrated, is that not a criminal charge? I'd certainly file a complaint at the police department if someone who was NOT MY HUSBAND acted legally on my behalf.

 

What you need is a really good attorney, and even though it's expensive to pay for one.....it will save you a whole lot of heartache and maybe even some cash over the long haul.

 

As far as the harrassment by the OW is concerned..... Realize that YOU are the GLUE that holds them together. Removing yourself from their chaos leaves them without a common enemy they can unite against. Without you, they are left with only each other! More often than not, a relationship which is born of infidelity will fail once the BS withdraws completely.

 

I realize that you have a child, and will probably need to communicate at least some information. But if it were me, I'd keep it to the barest minimum. And it would be so dry as to not possibly be worthy of comment.

 

Meanwhile, let your lawyer deal with him. It's a sound investment. Peace is priceless.