Rmars Posted May 1, 2023 Share Posted May 1, 2023 My ex(25m) and I(23f)were together when I was 15-19. Our relationship was volatile and he was a terrible boyfriend. He was controlling and obsessive, he threw a lamp at me one time as an example, things like that. We are still loosely in the same friend group. I see him sometimes and we are on good terms these days but our relationship was really bad. I started working with his uncle(30m) several months ago and we reconnected and became friends again instantly. We like each other and have been hanging out a lot. He is great and we have a lot in common. We want to really actually date but my ex being his nephew is holding me back. Not out of concern for my ex really, but what people might think I guess. I feel like we dated as teenagers so who cares, and him dealing with his family is his business.I really want to do this but I am asking more if this is wrong just on principle alone. Ex would probably freak out, but neither of us really care. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 1, 2023 Share Posted May 1, 2023 (edited) 42 minutes ago, Rmars said: We want to really actually date but my ex being his nephew is holding me back. Not out of concern for my ex really, but what people might think I guess. I feel like we dated as teenagers so who cares, and him dealing with his family is his business.I really want to do this but I am asking more if this is wrong just on principle alone. Ex would probably freak out, but neither of us really care. Exactly that! Who cares, you were teenagers. I have plenty of stories of married couples who younger started dating their spouse's siblings or a cousin first. Make sure this one knows how to treat you right! Edited May 1, 2023 by Gaeta 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 1, 2023 Share Posted May 1, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, Rmars said: . Ex would probably freak out, but neither of us really care. Does the uncle feel awkward about it? If neither of you do then it's fine. If you're afraid of family or ex repercussions, reconsider how much dating this uncle is worth it, particularly dating a coworker. Edited May 1, 2023 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rmars Posted May 1, 2023 Author Share Posted May 1, 2023 31 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Does the uncle feel awkward about it? If neither of you do then it's fine. If you're afraid of family or ex repercussions, reconsider how much dating this uncle is worth it, particularly dating a coworker. It was kind of weird at first and we are both nervous. It wouldn’t be a big deal at work. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted May 1, 2023 Share Posted May 1, 2023 I don’t know if anyone could really classify it as “wrong” as that is a social construct, but it could be a source of tension or create uncomfortable situations in the future. It’s up to you of course, but I assume you are fairly involved with the family in general. It may have happened that you and your ex have had feelings for one another, shared special moments together... what about now when you want to experience the same thing with his uncle? It doesn't really matter if he's okay with what you do (your ex), since it isn't up to him. It could potentially cause a rift in the family dynamic. Keeping all parties involved in mind when dealing with a potential drama tornado will help avoid it. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 1, 2023 Share Posted May 1, 2023 This sort of thing happens....so what. You two are consenting adults and can date anyone you want. If the nephew gets weird about it, just work around it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rmars Posted May 1, 2023 Author Share Posted May 1, 2023 (edited) I am just afraid I will look [bad] and don’t want to cause a big amount of drama. I’m afraid people will be weird about the age gap too.I really like him though and think we have potential. He is the one who is really pushing being open. Due to the circumstances of my ex and I’s relationship I don’t really feel like I have to follow normal breakup etiquette. Edited May 1, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator gendered insult Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 1, 2023 Share Posted May 1, 2023 (edited) How and why would you [look bad] I'm not seeing it. Why would there be drama? the relationship ended 4 years ago and it was a teenagers relationship. I am sure your ex has matured as well and he's not still thinking like a 15 year old. Edited May 1, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rmars Posted May 1, 2023 Author Share Posted May 1, 2023 28 minutes ago, Gaeta said: How and why would you appear as a huge B? I'm not seeing it. Why would there be drama? the relationship ended 4 years ago and it was a teenagers relationship. I am sure your ex has matured as well and he's not still thinking like a 15 year old. Maybe I am overthinking it if no one else thinks it will be a big deal. My ex definitely won’t like it and I’m sure his family won’t either. My ex and I share a few friends too. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 1, 2023 Share Posted May 1, 2023 9 minutes ago, Rmars said: . My ex definitely won’t like it and I’m sure his family won’t either. My ex and I share a few friends too. Neither right nor wrong. It's really about reflecting about what you want and how much potential drama you're willing to deal with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 1, 2023 Share Posted May 1, 2023 2 hours ago, Rmars said: I am just afraid I will look like a huge b**** and don’t want to cause a big amount of drama. I’m afraid people will be weird about the age gap too.I really like him though and think we have potential. He is the one who is really pushing being open. Due to the circumstances of my ex and I’s relationship I don’t really feel like I have to follow normal breakup etiquette. 7 years isn't a big age gap. Go for it. Some in the family will talk but who cares if you guys really like each other. As long as your ex doesn't care and it sounds like he moved on ages ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 1, 2023 Share Posted May 1, 2023 1 hour ago, Rmars said: My ex definitely won’t like it and I’m sure his family won’t either. My ex and I share a few friends too. Why would he and family not like it, did you betray him? Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted May 1, 2023 Share Posted May 1, 2023 The choice is entirely yours. It could potentially cause a family rift. As well, if he knows a lot about you and your ex since he is a brother of the parents' of your ex. As an ex-girlfriend, I'd find it incredibly awkward if my ex's uncle wanted to date me. Also, you work together. When your ex was abusive towards you, how did his family respond? Were they supportive of their son? Your life, your decision. What you do now is none of your ex's business. If his uncle makes you happy, follow your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rmars Posted May 1, 2023 Author Share Posted May 1, 2023 9 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Why would he and family not like it, did you betray him? it is not about that but if my ex starting banging my aunt I would not like that and neither would my family. Maybe just overthinking. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 1, 2023 Share Posted May 1, 2023 1 minute ago, Rmars said: it is not about that but if my ex starting banging my aunt I would not like that and neither would my family. Maybe just overthinking. Like I said your ex has probably moved on and doesn't care so who you dated back in HS doesn't carry much weight. It would be different if you two were married but what you guys had was puppy love. People really don't care these days and if they do they'll get over it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rmars Posted May 1, 2023 Author Share Posted May 1, 2023 2 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: The choice is entirely yours. It could potentially cause a family rift. As well, if he knows a lot about you and your ex since he is a brother of the parents' of your ex. As an ex-girlfriend, I'd find it incredibly awkward if my ex's uncle wanted to date me. Also, you work together. When your ex was abusive towards you, how did his family respond? Were they supportive of their son? Your life, your decision. What you do now is none of your ex's business. If his uncle makes you happy, follow your heart. They always loved me back then and I never involved them in what was going on in our relationship but they always encouraged us to get back together. I don’t think they have any bad feelings toward me from what I have heard but I also have no idea what my ex told them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rmars Posted May 1, 2023 Author Share Posted May 1, 2023 2 minutes ago, stillafool said: Like I said your ex has probably moved on and doesn't care so who you dated back in HS doesn't carry much weight. It would be different if you two were married but what you guys had was puppy love. People really don't care these days and if they do they'll get over it. Yeah I hope so Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 1, 2023 Share Posted May 1, 2023 7 minutes ago, Rmars said: it is not about that but if my ex starting banging my aunt I would not like that and neither would my family. Maybe just overthinking. If you and the uncle are already having sex, I mean........ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rmars Posted May 1, 2023 Author Share Posted May 1, 2023 7 minutes ago, stillafool said: If you and the uncle are already having sex, I mean........ What do you mean? I kind of thought that was implied when I said we were hanging out Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted May 1, 2023 Share Posted May 1, 2023 24 minutes ago, Rmars said: it is not about that but if my ex starting banging my aunt I would not like that and neither would my family. Maybe just overthinking. Well maybe that's why you're having second thoughts. We usually don't want to do to others what we wouldn't done unto ourselves. It's often a sign that something doesn't feel right when we're unwilling to do to someone else what we wouldn't want them to do to us. It's a way of checking in with ourselves and making sure that our actions are in line with our values. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 1, 2023 Share Posted May 1, 2023 18 minutes ago, Rmars said: What do you mean? I kind of thought that was implied when I said we were hanging out Well I didn't want to jump to conclusions but since you are already having sex..... 36 minutes ago, Rmars said: it is not about that but if my ex starting banging my aunt I would not like that and neither would my family. Maybe just overthinking. then this doesn't matter^. It's already happening so why sneak around? Someone is going to find out anyway. So what? Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 6 hours ago, Rmars said: I’m afraid people will be weird about the age gap too It's only 7 years, it's not like you're dating your exes grandpa. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 3 hours ago, Rmars said: it is not about that but if my ex starting banging my aunt I would not like that and neither would my family. Maybe just overthinking. I think it's just you making a big deal about it. Your relationship ended a few years ago, people moved on. You would pass love because of a man you dated as a teen girl? If you start dating this man you need to show more confidence. You're dating his uncle, not his brother or his son. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 6 hours ago, Rmars said: I’m afraid people will be weird about the age gap too. So? I am a woman and i'm 8 years older than my boyfriend, l don't give a heck about what people think. When we're young like you we tend to give a lot of importance to what others think. Truth is, people think & care *much less* than you imagine. People make stupid comments, turn around and forget about it right away. You should be busy being happy, not busy worrying about what others think. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
semble Posted May 2, 2023 Share Posted May 2, 2023 (edited) The real problem here isn't the deal with the ex's uncle. It's the [ ] fear of what "others might think". Who cares? Edited May 2, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Rude 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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