Non-stop crying

[OddBod]

13 hours ago, stillafool said:

Do and feel however you want to get over him.

Thank you, yes, I am very relieved the hysterical crying has stopped now, I was so worried I was going to stayi trapped like that for a long time. I am starting to see some positives of having him out of my life.

[Wiseman2]

40 minutes ago, OddBod said:

. I can go through a complaints system next but right now I am just concentrating on scraping my self esteem off the floor. For the last three months I've been applying for all the money I'm entitled to and talking to charities regarding housing etc.

Just keep doing what you're doing. Stay in touch with your physician and other care providers. Rather than filing a complaint, try your best to stabilize your basic needs such as food, housing, transportation and mental and physical healthcare. It may be frustrating to deal with the red tape and bureaucracy, but all you can do is see what's out there and what you are eligible for in your situation.

There's no need to "scrape your self esteem off the floor".  Try to invest your time in improving your basic situation with regard to mental and physical healthcare and resources to help you get along in life.

[Maldives]

On 5/5/2023 at 2:58 AM, OddBod said:

My boyfriend of 7 years ended it about 6 weeks ago. I've been following the NC rules that I read on here. At the beginning I was crying a little bit every couple of days. I was mostly going through a lot of shock, disbelief and anger. About 5 days ago I started crying hysterically and have hardly stopped since. I've cried on the bus and on the train, in the street, the park, and the shops. And it's not like a few tears you can wipe away. It's full on hysterical sobbing where I can hardly breathe. Very embarrassing. When I'm home I'm pretty much doubled over on the floor and it feels like I'm trying to give birth to my heart through my mouth. I've never cried like this. It seems to be getting worse every day. I've pretty much stopped functioning. I've never been in this much emotional pain in my life. I have no one I can reach out to. I'm wondering if part of the hysterical state I'm in is the fact I'm so alone in this pain. No one knows I'm suffering over this. I thought maybe if I typed it out here and it was witnessed by someone it might help? I've been journalling the whole time and it doesn't seem to have done anything. I just need someone to know the pain I'm in.

It wasn't even that great or healthy a relationship and the level of crying seems way beyond what should be happening.

I'm 47 and he is 39. We live in different countries but talked every day without fail and he would come to stay with me several times a year. It was a pretty difficult setup, having a long distance relationship, especially all through the lockdown situations and not being able to fly, but we persevered through all that because we loved eachother. Or so I thought. I don't even know now. A couple of years ago, during lockdowns, I developed an illness and last year it got really severe and left me housebound through the winter. Last winter he often had to do my online food shopping for me, from his country,  because I was in too much pain. I started to feel him drifting away, not calling as much, and I could feel myself getting more panicky and clingy, (which I'm normally like) as my life was kind of depending on him at times. Earlier this year he started ghosting me at the weekends and in the evenings. I started getting the vibe there might be someone else involved. I texted him that I was sad and confused about him not talking to me and asked if he could tell me what was going on. He texted me "I think I would be better as a friend than a bf". So that was it, he dumped me by text after 7 years, with no real explaination. Whilst I was ill and in pain. He said he wanted to stay friends. I said no.

I want a hug or kind words so badly. I don't have the kind of a family I could turn to for that. I lost all of my female friendships over the years, sadly. I have some long term male friends but they really aren't the kind of people I could sob to. It's really hard to find people who are good with this kind of thing. Of course I know the best thing to do would be to go out and try and make some friends. But lack on money and my illness is making that hard, not to mention the fact I am hysterically crying all the time right now. I could use some therapy but can't afford it. I've gotten some comfort reading the kind and sensible replies to posts on here. Sentences like "the wounder doesn't heal" have really helped me. I really want to think I'm going through some healing process but all I feel right now is dark dark dark.

He always used to say to me how he wished I could be more vulnerable with him. I was always quite a protected person because of trauma. I'd lived my life feeling that if I was vulnerable with someone they would leave me. That turned out to be exactly what happened. I feel so unloveable. Sorry, this all sounds really whiny and self-pitying. I'm probably just at the peak of the wave.

Has anyone else cried like this over a breakup or does this sound weird and unhealthy? I can't keep crying this hysterically much longer, right? It has to give way to a different stage?

 

Yep me I feel your pain. I'm going through it again even after being broke up for 7 yrs. The pain has all come flooding back and I'm quiet shocked why after all this time. We worked together and are originally from another state and we split about 7 years ago and we were together for 6 years prior to that. But we continue to work together for the last 7 years wilst we were split. So it was kind of I guess like a security blanket for me seeing her sometimes in the office and around the place. Now she's got a redundancy I found out and she leaves at the end of June and I'm devastated. Isn't that weird but unlike yourself I have a good support network around me. Plus I'm having counselling which is a huge help. This is really hard but I encourage you to get some sort of support. Sometimes universities offer really cheap counselling. That's a good place to start. I think if you don't have a huge network of friends, you need to talk with people you trust. I can't imagine not having anybody around at the moment with what I'm going through. It's too difficult to deal on your own. You need love and support. Here's a big hug for you from me. Take care