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Emotional cheating


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I just want to know what others think of this. My husband and I have been together for 13 years but just married last Sept. My husband thinks it's ok for him to have 14 different email address's. Hidden Instagram account that he made private after I called him on it Nd he follows 477 women. He also is on all those sex dating websites and dating sites. He put himself nude on the internet. Says he doesn't talk to any of them. I have found so many numbers on his phone. And he also has been trying to track down a couple of women for years a lot of research he has put in it. I've seen his gps and he sits outside women's homes.and he always says call any of them up and see if they know who  I am. And I have called him on it shown him proof and he still denys it. He has been gaslighting me for years. I have run out of options. Maybe I should leave. Anybody have any ideas I love him and I don't think he has physically cheated. It's e.otjpnal but it's taken a toll on me and im fed up with it.

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43 minutes ago, stupify said:

  I love him and I don't think he has physically cheated. It's e.otjpnal but it's taken a toll on me and im fed up with it.

Sorry this is happening. How long have you known about it?  If you suspect he has a sex addiction, you may want to rethink the relationship. Denying it is all part of that, so confronting him won't change things.

See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Get some tests done. Ask for STD testing. What you happened upon could be the tip of the iceberg. Stop sleeping with him.

Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. 

Unfortunately it's unlikely he'll admit to anything or change his ways.

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I've been in denial for years now. But the gaslighting  "lying" had made me confused  to the point of thinking it was me just being insecure and jealous.

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ExpatInItaly
21 hours ago, stupify said:

I don't think he has physically cheated

Oh, honey. The man is on dating and sex sites. He's going to women's houses. You can be certain he's physically cheated on you, and probably many times. 

21 hours ago, stupify said:

Maybe I should leave

Not maybe. Definitely

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Yes, with this information I would never have married the man. I’m sorry. 

Edited by BaileyB
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stillafool

It's definitely time for you to go.  He has cheated on you physically probably more than emotionally.  He's never going to stop.  Are you sure he even loves you?

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 I'm guessing you are a people pleaser/always nice, which pushes you to take on fault and guilt which a narcissist (him)will use to his advantage. You are not naive, you know what is going on is wrong, but your brain won't allow you to stand up for yourself. You want him to love you so you turn a blind eye in hope that all you do for him will make him stop. This is a bad cycle, one that is very difficult to get out of because every time you do, he gaslights you, makes you feel bad. It's all about control, which feeds his big fat ego. You doubt him, call him out, he attacks you to pound your self esteem down to keep you in your place. When you give in to his control, he rewards your retreating behaviour with love bombing. That's why you have been in it for so long. He dangles the carrot on a stick, and you keep chasing it. And people like him are not fixable. There is no therapy or medication to cure it. You need to get out.

First call a lawyer, file for divorce, but don't tell him a thing. Before the papers are served pack up and leave when he's out, and delete/block any means of communication. Go somewhere he can't find you. His ego will be so butt hurt, he's gonna do anything he can, and that's why you need to disappear.

Edited by smackie9
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Oh he has most definitely cheated in every way possible.

He's on dating and sex sites, wtf?

He has a very big problem but is in denial and thinks his behaviour is ok.

It is so far from ok.

Gather all that evidence and divorce the scum bag.

Take him for every thing he has got.

Edited by JTSW
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