erika2610 Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 erkia - thanks for looking out for me and trying to save me from getting hurt later but this is something i am going to do, i have made up my mind. I will say Mandy, and I've tried hard not to. I have. I've been their.. I know what it's like. But I'll say. I'm pretty disappointed. After 363 posts, you still insist on this. And then in a few months, you'll be back here trying to deal with the hurt. I don't know anybody who went out and pursued a MM.. why would you? Most of us fell into 'the trap'.. I think alot of us tried to fight our feelings, but were being 'chased' by the MM. At least I know that's how it happened with me. You're 22 Mandy, and you can't just go around saying I want what I want when I want it. Not to mention you have other people to think about here. Why would you think this guy's the one? Why? You're believeing in the fantasy. The fantasy of the mistress turning into the W. The fantasy of being a mistress like you see on TV.. where the MM is buying them things, and being romantic with them.. and eventually falls in love with her and leaves his old life behind. It won't happen.. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 am writing to tell him i want to spend time with him getting to know him, i have no intention of sleeping with him just yet. Your friend was right, I guess. As was he. They all pegged you as easy to manipulate. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 Nobody is more blind than she who refuses to see. Very frustrating to watch someone insist on self-destructing despite the best efforts of everyone to save her. It's beyond frustrating. Especially when you think you're so close to getting through to somebody. And then they start ignoring you. And especially when you have girls who've BEEN through it, telling you basically the same thing, yet it's just ignored.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 6, 2005 Author Share Posted December 6, 2005 erika - doesnt matter if that doesnt happen, i am not looking to marry him, if it happens gr8, if not gr8 as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 6, 2005 Author Share Posted December 6, 2005 Thanks for listening everyone and thanks for the advice... I am off from here for the night, should be back on tomorrow sometime. Nite all.... Link to post Share on other sites
jasmine111 Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 I guess you'll just have to learn this the hard way. Well tell us what happens, I want to see what he says now that you gave in and fell into his trap. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 erika - doesnt matter if that doesnt happen, i am not looking to marry him, if it happens gr8, if not gr8 as well. Tell me that it 6 months from now, when you're buggin him to leave his wife. The deeper you get into this, the more you'll want that.. I don't even know what to say anymore. Like Jasmine said, you'll just have to learn your lesson. And you will.. a hard one. Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 If you're not looking to marry him, what are you looking for? Just a bit of fun? Some attention? A lot of drama? It's irritating to me too that you haven't bothered to think about what OW go through and how much wreckage these OW/MM relationships can cause. I'm done with this thread, personally. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 If you're not looking to marry him, what are you looking for? Just a bit of fun? Some attention? A lot of drama? It's irritating to me too that you haven't bothered to think about what OW go through and how much wreckage these OW/MM relationships can cause. I'm done with this thread, personally. She doesn't care.. she 'does what she wants to do'.. almost 400 posts and we're back at the beginning. And I keep telling myself I'm not reading this thread anymore, but it's like a bad train wreck, I just can't look away I just dunno why somebody would go and pursue a MM.. thinking he might be 'the one'.. especially with all she knows now.. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 in mandys defense, i think she has been played by this mm. he has pretended to be her knight, her saviour, the one who understands etc and she has fallen for it. mandy i know you may not want him to leave his wife, but do you want him to coldly toss you aside once he has gotten his way with you?, because he will get his way and you know it, look how good he is at this, he has you believing he may be the one, he will have you dropping your knickers in no time at all, and he will probably make it seem like it was all your idea too. if you dont stand strong now, it will get more and more difficult. he will toss you aside and he will have so sucked you into his game by then that you will experience the same kind of shock dw just expressed in her thread. read her thread again, see what she believed? its the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
seachange Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 mandy, still not sure why you're convinced the assistant isn't another OW? if your argument is that she's 18/19, that doesn't make much sense. you're 22, and that doesn't bother the dentist any. do you really think he sees much difference there? sadly, you'll also never know what might have been if you had just walked away. maybe you would have met someone great, who wouldn't just use you and then mess up your head for years. oh, well. too bad you couldn't take a real chance on love. that would have been brave. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 I am getting so weak, i want to arrange a time to go see him to give him a Xmas card and maybe a small pressie, i cant stand this no contact thing, i have been thinking about it over and over and i think i am in a way silly to walk away, what if he is the one? and i have thrown it all away?Hahahaha OMG this is a joke. What do you think he's going to do with the Xmas card? He's going to throw it away so he doesn't get accidently get caught. The "one" wouldn't be married with children and playing on the side. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 erika - i doubt she is the OW she is only a very young girl - maybe 18/19 years old, she is the nicest person i have ever met, she really helped put me at ease when i was going thru a stressful time at the dentist, we have connected and both want to pursue a friendship.And how many years older are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 feels like forever since i spoke to him - last time i saw or spoke to him was friday and today is only tuesday:(Get used to it. As the other woman you will always be in second place and kept in the dark so others don't see you. Do you really think that any man that loves his children would rip apart his family to play house with someone young enough to be his daughter? He didn't get to be a dentist by being stupid you know. The "one" wouldn't be trying to have an extra-marital affair with one of his patients and be violating his professional ethics in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 I just dunno why somebody would go and pursue a MM.. thinking he might be 'the one'.. especially with all she knows now.. The same way a lot of people will sit down in the morning to a big, fat, greasy breakfast of bacon and sausage and fried gunk. You don't want to acknowledge the truth. Like the man said 'you can't handle the truth'. So you ignore it. Pretend it's not there. Hope like hell that it won't come to bite you. And as the ambulance hauls your sorry a$$ to the hospital (or, more likely, the morgue), THEN you say to yourself 'gee, I wish I'd listened'. Mandy will be back here a thousand times whining about how her dream boy isn't calling, won't spend time with her, won't get divorced, etc etc and it's only when she's been in a useless affair for several years with the MM not leaving for any one of a zillion excuses or when he dumps her for the next new chippie who looks at him in wide-eyed adoration that she'll finally get it. Sad. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 ...but i am just the kind of person who doesnt want to love life... Freudian slip?? Cause once this guy's through with you, you're certainly not going to be loving life. Mandy, if he really is the 'one', he'll come to you and tell you he's left his wife and will wait until he's divorced to try to pursue a relationship with you. The 'one' wouldn't dishonor you, him, and his wife by engaging in a new relationship before he's ended his previous one, married or not. newbby's right that by writing him that letter, you'll only be showing your weakness. You've stood strong and turned him down. Saying that you only want to get to know him without sleeping with him is just the first step in letting the strength you'd gathered up slide away. That's all he's going to see when he gets that letter. You're already giving in when he barely had to do anything. So whether you want to walk away or to see if he's the 'one', giving him that letter is a mistake. If you're going to have a real relationship with him, he's going to have to respect you, and standing up for yourself is the only way that's going to happen. If you want to write a letter, I'd suggest telling him that you'd welcome a relationship *only after* he's ended his current relationship, and that until then, you won't be seeing him. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 well spotted crazy grl Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 The thing that irks me most actually is her parents. Can't THEY see the redflags??? I know if I was 22 years old, still living at home and my dentist, who is 1) married and 2) older, BOTH my parents would be like WTF are you doing????????? And giving me all sorts of advice, s***, hassel, interferring and getting in my face about it. I truely don't understand why Mandy's parents aren't seeing the full picture! Don't they find it abit ODD that the dentist is there, seeing their daughter? Unless they have blinders on...Just weird...Especially her father. Many fathers would be protective of their daughters in that situation. Just my 2 cents... Link to post Share on other sites
pinkrosette Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 First of all, Mandy--do you work or anything? I've never heard you mention it or much of anything else in all of this. Also what do your parents think of him or his visiting? I know you're an adult but I lived at home as an adult and they had plenty to say about things I did. As far as people here being disappointed in her, I can understand why she's going through with it. Would anyone have stopped any of us??? I think in most of our cases, the answer would have been no. Say we're all a bunch of lottery winners here whose life went down the tubes after we won the lottery. You know about those people---they wished they'd never won all that money after finding out what problems it caused. So here's Mandy who just won the lottery and we're telling her to throw the money in the trash and walk away. Think she would???? One more thing.....a few posts mentioned how the dentist's heart is with his wife. His heart isn't with his wife. His heart is with himself and in most MM relationships, that tends to be the case. They are NOT very giving people as a group. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 pink rosette, i agree with this, its outrageous for other ow to be casting such harsh judgement. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 pink rosette, i agree with this, its outrageous for other ow to be casting such harsh judgement. Nobody's passing harsh judgement Newbby, just telling her the truth. And I think we're all here because we're trying to help her.. not judge. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 yeah and the truth is: how dare you do this to yourself mandy? what do you think you are? Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 yeah and the truth is: how dare you do this to yourself mandy? what do you think you are?[/quote Well Newbby, I dunno what that's all about.. but again, nobody's judging her. Just trying to save her from the hurt. And I'll admit, that when I started my 'relationship' with my MM, nobody was able to get me to stop. But I had never heard from anybody who had been through it. And when I say 'people are just telling her the truth'.. I meant about how much a MM lies and manipulates. And about how bad she's gonna feel when the whole thing is over. That's all I meant. I was just trying to discourage her.. not pass judgement. I can only speak for myself though of course.. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 erika, i dont even know what i am talking about anymore. dont mind me. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 And I'll admit, that when I started my 'relationship' with my MM, nobody was able to get me to stop. But I had never heard from anybody who had been through it. And when I say 'people are just telling her the truth'.. I meant about how much a MM lies and manipulates. And about how bad she's gonna feel when the whole thing is over. Just a question Erika. IF you had people telling you, discouraging you from getting involved with MM, would you have listened, understood and taken their advice? Honestly? Sometimes even with that knowledge, people are gonna do what they're gonna do... Link to post Share on other sites
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