lindya Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 He and I, both middle aged (if not exactly in crisis), do fulfil a lot of the stereotypes of people falling into affairs. How could it be otherwise..? Actually, after I wrote my post I read yours again and certainly did get a sense that you recognise many aspects of your situation as seeming like a "typical" affair. Your post, however, suggests that while we're all (and like to see ourselves as) individuals, actually, this is somehow negated by the fact that we're just conforming to these patterns. I see it the other way: There are these patterns, but within that, we are all individuals. I'm sorry it came across like that, because the various thoughts swirling around my head when I wrote that post would actually be better summed up in the part of your post I've highlighted. It was an interesting post - thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 I know newbby... The advice I was given (in October) was to go NC. But going NC has to be for me, because I can't stand the situation any longer. Doing NC because I want him to choose between being with me and leaving his M isn't going to have any positive outcome. Is it..? i know exactly what you are saying sami, and it is also one of the problems i had in my own situation. you can play the game if you so desire, but to make somebody leave their marriage for you, well that can have huge repercussions. for you, for him, for her, for their children. so you either end it, or you carry on, and hope that he will make a decision based on what is best for all concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 Now of course most affairs don't end with the people involved living happily ever after. So yes, there's a reason for the negativity on this board. But then most relationships/dating in general don't end up that way either. So let's get some perspective. If you read the advice given on the rest of the boards, you'll see that it's not just OW advice that's given this way. I believe that there is sometimes too much 'one size fits all' advice around here. No one likes to feel like they're being lumped into a category instead of looked at as an individual in a unique situation. (And I can't say that I'm guiltless in that.) But relating to the original point of the thread, the advice to mandy has been pretty specific to her situation and the behavior of her MM and his lack of ethics as a dentist and lack of maturity as a man. Link to post Share on other sites
damwinston Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Have been reading all of your posts. Very interesting and enlightening. Wish I had read all this just 6 months ago. In fact 6 months ago today! Just wondering what ever happened to Mandy and creepy Dr. Married Dentist?? dammy Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 18, 2005 Author Share Posted December 18, 2005 Hi Everyone, sorry havent been on in sooo long. I havent had a chance to read what everyone has written since my last posting but i will catch up on all the reading soon. My PC has been at the workshop was only meant to take 3 days and it tool forever. Update with me and MM, there has been NC at all, i went to the surgery last wednesday to drop a gift in for his assistant and thats his day off then i wrote him a 5 page letter telling him i wanted a friendship etc and dropped that in to his office with a xmas pressie friday afternoon after he had left to go home, so he wont get it until tomorrow morning when he gets to work Link to post Share on other sites
veronese Posted December 18, 2005 Share Posted December 18, 2005 i wrote him a 5 page letter telling him i wanted a friendship etc Bet your MM is going to absolutely love that aussiemandy, can't wait to hear what he thought about it. My post is "I'm married and in love...with someone else."if someone could reply I would be gratefull.Thankyou. Maybe you should respond to the replies you've already had to your post Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 19, 2005 Author Share Posted December 19, 2005 Good morning everyone - its 11:00am here. I still havent heard from MM regarding me letter, maybe he hasnt even read it yet if he is busy with patients, i am excited to see what he is going to repsond with. Whats with the new green sqaure? what does it mean? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 A five page letter eh? I expect he'll be busy a lot now. I know I would be. Seriously though, back off a little now and let him make the first move after this. Don't call, email or contact him - you don't want to come off as desperate or a stalker. MM don't want and will avoid OW they think they will have trouble breaking things off with later when the time comes. Your behavior sounds flattering to him, but a tad bit disturbing. Let the ball stay in his court for a while. If he does not contact you again, walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 He probably hasn't read your 5 paged letter or maybe he did and just doesn't know how to reply to it. I am assuming it was heart felt and quite emotional on your behalf. Mandy, just be prepared to not hear back anything...Hope for the best, expect the worst. But I'm pretty sure by now you know that whatever was between you two is over. I hope you know that, right? I'm not saying that to be mean, it's just once certain things are said, ya can't take them back. Plus as he is married, has a life with his wife, children etc., he isn't going to give that up after a 5 page letter. Keep busy, keep doing NC. Live your life for YOU and nobody else! Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 A five page letter eh? I expect he'll be busy a lot now. I know I would be. Especially if the wife decided to do her husband a little favor and pick his stuff up at the office for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 20, 2005 Author Share Posted December 20, 2005 Hi Everyone - still no word from him, he is being rather quite, i am starting to worry, especially after craigs comment:confused: Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 You realize it's Christmas? He has a family - kids - people who deserve his attention at this time of year. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 20, 2005 Share Posted December 20, 2005 Hi Everyone - still no word from him, he is being rather quite, i am starting to worry, especially after craigs comment:confused: I have to agree with Outcast. It's the week before Christmas! Give the guy a break, let him be for a while. When he is ready he'll contact you! If you call and pester him right now HE will turn his back on you. I'm sure the timing of your letter wasn't the greatest, being so close to the holidays and there is a good chance he just isn't willing to deal with it right now. LET him contact you Mandy! I'm saying this for your own good. Respect him enough to know this. If he was very into you, don't you think by now he would have contacted you? See the full picture here, not what you're filtering out. Mandy, enjoy your holidays, put this stuff on hold for a while. Give yourself a rest, let the emotions die down. Spend time with your own family and friends, keep busy and be happy. Don't waste any time thinking of this MM. He isn't worth it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 21, 2005 Author Share Posted December 21, 2005 still no response from him at all. I am getting really paranoid now if he has received my gift and the note. I feel like sending a text msg saying "Hope you received my gift ok, Merry Xmas" I am trying to keep busy to keep my mind off him but easier said than done Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 still no response from him at all. I am getting really paranoid now if he has received my gift and the note. I feel like sending a text msg saying "Hope you received my gift ok, Merry Xmas" I am trying to keep busy to keep my mind off him but easier said than done Just relax. Like the last 2 said, it's right before Christmas. People are very busy. And text messaging would be stupid.. I did that once, turned out he had left the cell phone at home. I basically ended up inadvertantly telling his W. And trust me, you don't wanna end up having that conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 21, 2005 Author Share Posted December 21, 2005 erika2610 - how r u? I can understand thw whole Xmas thing but he could've at least called to say thanks for getting me a chrissy pressie. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 erika2610 - how r u? I can understand thw whole Xmas thing but he could've at least called to say thanks for getting me a chrissy pressie. I'm good thanks. And he'll call when he feels like it. You're his last priority. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 21, 2005 Author Share Posted December 21, 2005 erika2610 - i dont mind being last priority, i just wish he would call to say he received everything ok, i am worried someone else may have got their hands on the note. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 erika2610 - i dont mind being last priority, i just wish he would call to say he received everything ok, i am worried someone else may have got their hands on the note. Well, you just have no way of knowing right now. There's nothing you can do about it. There's no use in dwelling on it. Like WWIU said, if he was that into you.. and he appreciated it, he'd call you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 21, 2005 Author Share Posted December 21, 2005 i cant wait:(:( Link to post Share on other sites
veronese Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 What did you give him? (apart from the letter) Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 i cant wait:(:( There's nothing you can do Mandy. This's what comes with being with a MM. This's what you chose to get yourself into. All part of the package. You're going to have to learn to wait. You can't call his house. You can't see him or talk to him when you want to. You'll have to learn to be patient. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 welcome to life as the ow. its fun isnt it? and it makes you feel really special. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 i cant wait:(:( And I suspect that if you're having a hard time with this, you're not ready for this. You have to be a patient person, like I said. Just waiting until he has time for you sucks. It's not exactly a fairytale romance.. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 get used to this anxiety aswell. the not knowing if it has been discovered, not knowing if anyone suspects, that anxious feeling all the time. so much for white knight coming to protect you. Link to post Share on other sites
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