newbby Posted December 22, 2005 Share Posted December 22, 2005 i think this is naive. he is clearly after an affair with her, have you not read any of her posts? Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted December 22, 2005 Share Posted December 22, 2005 i think this is naive. he is clearly after an affair with her, have you not read any of her posts? Maybe not so much naive as not having read the entire thread. It is pretty dang long. But the points are all valid, especially "Even if he did have an attraction to you, it doesn't mean its for a relationship." Yeah, it's obvious he wants an affair, but that doesn't mean he wants more than a piece of a$$ on the side. Mandy, I agree that this is an infatuation. This may be a bit blunt and I'm not tryin to be insulting or belittling, but this has got school girl crush written all over it. Part of maturity is being able to tell the difference between genuine feelings and infatuation. I know it's hard, especially when this guy has been so kind to you where other people haven't. I also know that it's easier to see these things from the outside than when you're emotionally involved, so take it from people who are less emotionally involved than you are that even if you are in love with this guy, his actions are showing that he doesn't return the feelings and it's doubtful that he ever will. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 22, 2005 Share Posted December 22, 2005 i think this is naive. he is clearly after an affair with her, have you not read any of her posts? I have read ALL the posts. It's just interesting to see a different point of view and honestly the way things are going now, IF he had planned an affair, they'd be doing it by now and they haven't. I think this is more about feeding into HIS ego, that he still has it and playing with Mandy's head abit. He may be interested in sex, but not a full on affair with love and feelings. WHO Knows for sure wtf is going through his mind. We all can only guess at his intentions, assume things from what Mandy has said. If she is strong enough and stays away from him, I think she will see the full picture - See him as he is. Not some great man she's put up on a pedistool. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 24, 2005 Author Share Posted December 24, 2005 Hi Everyone Merry Xmas for tomorrow... No news on my end, he still has not contacted me:( Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 This is the life of an OW, mandy. Fun, eh? Well, better get used to it. Or better yet, give yourself a Christmas present and forget this jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 i am not psycho analysing you at all, so you can stop being annoyed. i am saying that whilst in a situation, it is not always easy to see it clearly. could you sum up your whole relationship now? maybe you can, you are rare then. Well yes, I can sum up my R with the abusive bloke. I've been through 18 months of therapy since then, and read endless books and articles on how people get involved with abusive people, and how to get over it. At the beginning of that time I was suicidal. At the end of it I was off the anti-depressants. That is no mean feat. I the 4 years since it ended I've completely changed my life around socially and in terms of what I'm doing career-wise. My point about psycho-analysing me was because not only in this thread have you suggested I'm 'not over' something. But in another one you wondered if I need to talk to a therapist about my current relationship. No, I don't believe I do. IF I ask for help on these boards, then that's a different matter. But are you in the habit of suggesting therapy to people asking for advice about relationships? No offence, newbby, but it is kindof undermining to read this stuff at times. If you really have something personal that you would like to share with me, then please PM me? Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 well the site decided to throw a wobbler while I was trying to edit my last post. My saved edit read: i am not psycho analysing you at all, so you can stop being annoyed. i am saying that whilst in a situation, it is not always easy to see it clearly. could you sum up your whole relationship now? maybe you can, you are rare then. Well yes, I can sum up my R with the abusive bloke. I've been through 18 months of therapy since then, and read endless books and articles on how people get involved with abusive people, and how to get over it. At the beginning of that time I was suicidal. At the end of it I was off anti-depressants. That is no mean feat. In the 4 years since it ended I've completely changed my life around socially, mentally, and in terms of what I'm doing career-wise. My point about you psycho-analysing me was mainly because in an earlier thread you suggested I need to talk to a therapist about my current relationship. I didn't miss it that time, I just decided not to respond. So I'm responding now. No, I don't believe I do need therapy to deal with my R with MM. And yes, I do believe I'm over that (past, abusive) relationship and have dealt with, and understand the factors that led me to becoming involed with him. I know your comments are meant to be helpful. But at the same time, since you don't know me or my history, and are (therefore) making assumptions... you're actually just undermining what I say here and making me feel uncomfortable. Please PM me if you want to chat or know more. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 Hi Everyone Merry Xmas for tomorrow... No news on my end, he still has not contacted me:( His actions are speaking very loud and clear. I think you know and it's time to forget him Mandy. IF you don't stop, you'll be hurting yourself now and it will be your own fault. IF he was interested in your or had serious feelings for you, don't you think he would have contacted you by now? Have a good Xmas, FORGET about him! Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 well the site decided to throw a wobbler while I was trying to edit my last post. My saved edit read: Well yes, I can sum up my R with the abusive bloke. I've been through 18 months of therapy since then, and read endless books and articles on how people get involved with abusive people, and how to get over it. At the beginning of that time I was suicidal. At the end of it I was off anti-depressants. That is no mean feat. In the 4 years since it ended I've completely changed my life around socially, mentally, and in terms of what I'm doing career-wise. My point about you psycho-analysing me was mainly because in an earlier thread you suggested I need to talk to a therapist about my current relationship. I didn't miss it that time, I just decided not to respond. So I'm responding now. No, I don't believe I do need therapy to deal with my R with MM. And yes, I do believe I'm over that (past, abusive) relationship and have dealt with, and understand the factors that led me to becoming involed with him. I know your comments are meant to be helpful. But at the same time, since you don't know me or my history, and are (therefore) making assumptions... you're actually just undermining what I say here and making me feel uncomfortable. Please PM me if you want to chat or know more. Thanks. sami, sorry hun, i think you may have misinterpreted my words though... when i said "do you believe you can sum up your relationship?", i meant the one you are in now. i cant even remember why i said that. i think i was just trying to make a point that alot of reasons why we get involved in particular situations arent always so clear until afterwards, but wasnt directed specifically to your personal situation, only put to you, as an example, in what we were discussing. i certainly dont remember suggesting you need to see a therapist, neither do i think you do. i dont even advocate conventional treatments most of the time, so i really doubt that i said that. if i am wrong and i did say it then i really apologise that it upset you, but i would not have meant it in any negative way when i said the stuff about people out of abusive relationships getting cp, and therefore finding these relationships more comfortable it was in response to touche' asking why anybody would want to be in a r where they came last. i was simply trying to use one example, to show that there are many different possibilities, reasons, types of a, types of people becoming involved in a's, etc. it also makes sense that you may have had different effects of being in an abusive r's, but mine was just an example and based on a few peoples reality whom i have talked in depth with. i really am not undermining you, or not intending to anyway, i have alot of respect for your opinions and have always found you to be articulate, intelligent, thoughtful, honest and kind. merry xmas. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 25, 2005 Author Share Posted December 25, 2005 Hi Everyone - Merry Xmas!! Today was really hard, i kept on thinking about him with his family. My friend bought me this cute little red santa teddy bear that says "Merry Xmas" in this sute little voice when you press his tummy. She told me to hug it in place of "him" It just got to much today and i needed to hear his voice so i called him but did not speak. He said "hello" and i went all weak and pressed the teddy "Merry Xmas" and he said "hello" again in a really firm voice and i pressed teddy again "Merry Xmas" and then he losened up a bit with "who is this?" and i just couldn't speak and hung up. I just had to hear his voice, i cant believe he has not contacted me yet. I think he wants it to be well and truely over, i would've thought out of common decency that he would've of at least phoned to say 'thanks i received your xmas pressie' or at least send a card to say he got it or get the receptionist to call and say he got it. i am really starting to worry that he didnt receive my gift, note and card, its unlike him to not contact me. I have an appointment to see the hygenist on Jan 3rd, i hope i dont run into him and if i do what do i say? Link to post Share on other sites
justagirliegirl Posted December 25, 2005 Share Posted December 25, 2005 Just getting in on this. So he hasn't contacted you at all since you gave him the letter and the gift? What does that tell you? He doesn't care. Here you are on Krimmas worrying about someone who doesn't care about you at all and who is spending it with his family. I guess I really don't understand the whole affairs with married people thing. I mean what on earth do you expect to get out of it? What on earth could you get from a cheater, a man with no integrity or character. There are hundreds of lovely single people out there to fall in love with and have a family of your own with who would love you and be there for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 25, 2005 Share Posted December 25, 2005 that he would've of at least phoned to say 'thanks i received your xmas pressie' or at least send a card to say he got it or get the receptionist to call and say he got it. IF you were in a relationship or IF he wanted one. But you're not and he doesn't and that is the message he's trying to convey. I have an appointment to see the hygenist on Jan 3rd, i hope i dont run into him Go to another office. You don't have to use his hygienists. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted December 25, 2005 Senior Moderators Share Posted December 25, 2005 Seems women are always very attracted to their dentists because they have a lot of pull in the community and they try their best not to hurt their fillings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 27, 2005 Author Share Posted December 27, 2005 still havent heard from him. i am going to change my hygenist appointment to wednesday when i know he isnt at work, i cant face him right now, its all to much, i want to text him soooooo bad, the temptation is unbelievable. Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 still havent heard from him. i am going to change my hygenist appointment to wednesday when i know he isnt at work, i cant face him right now, its all to much, i want to text him soooooo bad, the temptation is unbelievable. Mandy, I haven't replied to any of your thread until now. I just wanted to say that he isn't worth all this pain you are putting yourself through. PLZ try to let him go and find a SG. I know it's easier said than done but you can do it. When I was younger I fell really hard for a man in a CR and I felt the same way you are feeling now. It's hard, it's not fun, and it's certaintly not worth the pain. I cried so much wanting him for myself. I look back and think "WTH did I do that to myself?" Life is way too short to put yourself through this kind of pain. Go out w/ your friends, find some SG and flirt like crazy, just try to keep yourself busy and get your mind off this jerk, which is his. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 27, 2005 Author Share Posted December 27, 2005 mopar crazy - thanks for making me feel better saying he is the jerk and not me LOL Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 mopar crazy - thanks for making me feel better saying he is the jerk and not me LOL Mandy, I am not saying your the jerk b/c I do know what it's like to fall hard for someone you can't have. I have never fallen for a MM, TG, but I do know how hard it is to fall for someone you can't have. I'm not saying what you are doing is right, calling him, sending him presents, letters, things like that, but you are in a difficult stage in your life, falling for the wrong guy. I did stupid things when I was involved w/ the man in the CR. I wrote him letters, called him all the time, always drove or walked past his house just to see if I could talk to him or even see him. Gosh I was obsessed w/ him, it was just crazy. He was my first love, too bad he didn't feel the same way about me, I was just a good time to him while his GF was away. Stupid, stupid, me. I had plenty of guys that wanted to go out w/ me but I just couldn't give my heart to any of them. I broke up w/ so many great guys all b/c I was so deeply infactuated and obsessed over a man I couldn't have to myself. Sure, we had great times 2gether but I was just a roll in the hay. And now 15 years, M to someone else, and have children, his nephew is in a serious relationship w/ my neice and I work in the same building as his dad. Just when I thought he was totally out of my life he comes back in some small way. Just try to take ppl's advice here and try to move on w/o him. I honestly think you need to switch dental offices. Find someone else and have them transfer all your records and X-rays to the new place. The best way to get this man out of your mind, heart, is to get the he!! away from him. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2005 Share Posted December 27, 2005 still havent heard from him. i am going to change my hygenist appointment to wednesday when i know he isnt at work, i cant face him right now, its all to much, i want to text him soooooo bad, the temptation is unbelievable. Good for you Mandy! Now isn't the time to be facing him and you're raw with emotions too. Have you considered looking for another dentist? It's something you need to think about. Don't give in to the temptation contacting him. When you get the urge, write a draft note (DO NOT ADDRESS IT though) and pour out your thoughts. It will make you feel better, get out what needs to be said to him, without actually sending it and regretting it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 29, 2005 Author Share Posted December 29, 2005 WWIU - Thanks for the idea, i might do it to help me through. Its going to be 2 weeks tomorrow afternoon since i dropped in the pressie and he hasnt contacted me. I have done my bit, i think he is playing some stupid mind game, i am going to stay cool for a while and see what happens. Its just so hard. I think if i change my hygeinist appointment for Wed when he isnt at work, he will get the message that i to am avoiding him - what do u all think? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 He isn't playing a game with you Mandy. He has walked away from you and his silence is telling you it's over. That is what it means. I'm glad you're considering a new dentist. It's for the best. Don't even bother trying to get his attention. If he wanted to call you he would have already. Sorry. Just please move on and forget about him. He's not worth your time and effort. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 29, 2005 Author Share Posted December 29, 2005 WWIU - I hope you're wrong and that he is palying a game and hasnt walked away. Everything seems so much easier when you're not in the sitaution and giving advice is easier typed and read than it is to apply in daily life. I do want to see him just to see how is he going to react to me. I pwuld've thought that if he was walking away, he would not want anything from me and returned the gift, the card and the letter. Not kept it like he did and never even called to say thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 whatever he is doing, he clearly does not care about you, right? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 You hope he's playing a game with you? Ofcourse I know it's easier giving advice than taking it. Everybody who posts and replies here probably feels that way. I do feel for what you're going through, I just really wish that you could take a big step back and see him for who he is, not for the person you've thought he was. I hope that makes sense to you Mandy. Newbby is right. Whatever he is doing or not doing tells you that he is not into you nor does he respect you. He cares, but as a dentist. Not as a lover or a boyfriend. His actions are showing you what he thought of your 5 paged letter. I'm sorry to say that. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted December 29, 2005 Share Posted December 29, 2005 well i actually disagree with that too. i believe he was trying to get into your knickers, and that is why he was a good dentist, but whatever the case, he does not care about YOU, that much is obvious. do yourself a favour and find someone who does. you havent said alot about yourself besides the dentist. i'm not suggesting that you do, but, what have past relationships been like? do you have any other love interests? do you get out with girlfriends much? Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 30, 2005 Author Share Posted December 30, 2005 Hi Everyone - I am going for a walk on the beach tonite with a friend, its really hot here in Adelaide today. I am craving some sort of attention from him so bad its unbelievable, i think i am going to send him a text message saying "happy new year" and see what happens if he doesnt respond i am just going to try to accept he doesnt want me and move on Link to post Share on other sites
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