erika2610 Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 erika2610 -this might all be in my head, but i think some have caught on because they treat me differently to before, they are more abrupt They might have. They've probably seen him do this before, and recognize the signs. they probably know his pattern.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 1, 2005 Author Share Posted December 1, 2005 erika2610 - part of me wants to stay and the other part wants out, i dont want to settle for less than i am worth and if i stay thats exactly what i am doing:( Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 erika2610 - part of me wants to stay and the other part wants out, i dont want to settle for less than i am worth and if i stay thats exactly what i am doing:( Exactly. Trust me, I know the whole torn thing. For a year before I hooked up with my MM, he chased me. I was very adamant that I wasn't going to get together with a MM. But one day, I just caved. I couldn't take it anymore. My feelings had just grown. I worked with him too, which didn't help. So I hooked up with him, and stayed for a lil more than a year. Until I just couldn't deal with it anymore. Bout halfway through the relationship, his W found out. They went to marriage counseling and all that. And the whole time we were together, he never wore his ring. A couple of months after he broke it off, (well, actually he just stopped calling me).. he came back, wearing his ring all the time. Couple of months later, I just started breaking down. I couldn't deal with it anymore. So we just kinda parted ways. It was probably the worst feeling in the world.. the after effect. Knowing I had been used.. knowing he did nothing but lie to me. I did everything for him, even moved out of my house into an apartment to be with him more. He did nothing for me. Never gave me anything. And like I said, after it was done.. my world felt like it had fallen apart. And I just don't wanna see anybody else knowingly put themselves through that. It's not worth it. Now, a year and a half later, I'm happier than I ever was with him. Sure, I still think about him, and I have to force myself not to pick up that phone. But I know I'm better than that. Even though I'm single, I'm better off. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than to be with another MM. Now I look back and wonder what the heck I was ever thinking.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 erika2610 - to be honest i dont even know how to end things with him, and we're only in the very early stages Then how do you think his WIFE feels after being married to him for so long? You think she should just walk away from this man??? Magnify YOUR feelings for him 1000000 times and then maybe you'll realize what SHE may feel for her husband... Mandy, all the feelings you have are new and fresh...Yes you're hurting, but if you continue chasing after him and focussing/obsessing about him YOU will be even more hurt and crying ALOT more. The train is coming along your path...DO you have the strength to jump off the tracks NOW to advoid further pain?? HE isn't worth it. Yes, I'm sure everybody at his office has picked on a vibe between you two. I'm sure HE has noticed that vibe from others, looks/comments/gossiping... So, he is avoiding you - Like most MM in that situation, or (some) men who dont' want to deal with a big problem ... For one week, DO and think about something else. Hang out with friends, have some fun, visit family, go shopping, whatever it is that you did before he entered your life, go do that now...Give it all a rest. Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower1008 Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Now I look back and wonder what the heck I was ever thinking.. How true erika, how true. I look back too and wonder what the heck I was thinking. When you're in the situation, it's much harder to be objective (you don't have a clear head), but when you're out of it, and look back, you can truly see how much the MM hurt you, what his actions meant, and how you were treated. The trick is never to get involved again with a MM. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 2, 2005 Author Share Posted December 2, 2005 have to see him today for dental check up to see if the fillings/exraction all went ok..... I got my friend to call to make appointment and he called my friend to ask why cant i make the appointment myself.... Also she told him that she would be taking me and he said "she's a big girl she can come herself" I am trying to get all my dental stuff sorted with him and then shift dentists.... I am going to try to tell him soon i want out, i think he has noticed it as i am avoding him as much as possible and keeping everything i do with him professioanl Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 I'm missing something here. Did you already sleep with him? Or are you really stopping this train wreck in its tracks? I'm impressed with you either way Mandy if you're really stopping this and not giving in to instant gratification. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 I'm impressed with you either way Mandy if you're really stopping this and not giving in to instant gratification. I agree. Ending things before they go too far takes a lot of strengh, and for what it's worth, I'm proud of you for it. Just be careful you don't fall for any BS he might try to feed you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 have to see him today for dental check up to see if the fillings/exraction all went ok..... I got my friend to call to make appointment and he called my friend to ask why cant i make the appointment myself.... Also she told him that she would be taking me and he said "she's a big girl she can come herself" I am trying to get all my dental stuff sorted with him and then shift dentists.... I am going to try to tell him soon i want out, i think he has noticed it as i am avoding him as much as possible and keeping everything i do with him professioanl Sounds like you may see the future pain, the bad stuff...I hope for your sake you stick to your guns on this one Mandy. Remember this...It's okay to have a little crush...We all get them at some point in our lives...It's pursuing those crushes if the other person isn't available, that is crossing the innocent crush line. Just giving you another way of looking at it - And maybe a way to tell him if he pressures you into anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 have to see him today for dental check up to see if the fillings/exraction all went ok..... I got my friend to call to make appointment and he called my friend to ask why cant i make the appointment myself.... Also she told him that she would be taking me and he said "she's a big girl she can come herself" I am trying to get all my dental stuff sorted with him and then shift dentists.... I am going to try to tell him soon i want out, i think he has noticed it as i am avoding him as much as possible and keeping everything i do with him professioanl I really think this's the smartest thing you can do.. I envy you in a way. I wish I had been able to do that before I got deep into the relationship. I wish I had just walked away.. I hope you really do go through with it. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 How true erika, how true. I look back too and wonder what the heck I was thinking. When you're in the situation, it's much harder to be objective (you don't have a clear head), but when you're out of it, and look back, you can truly see how much the MM hurt you, what his actions meant, and how you were treated. The trick is never to get involved again with a MM. Exactly. When I was in the relationship, I didn't see anything wrong.. I thought I was happy. I was also manipulated. Then the blinders came off. Lesson learned Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 2, 2005 Author Share Posted December 2, 2005 I had to see him today for check up on fillings etc, he was friendly to me and his assistant was nice to me as she always is.... But the two secretaries at the front are the ones that give me the "look" when i come in.... I kept it all professional, couldnt say anything anyway, his assistant was in the room as well as my friend(who knows whats going on) At the end he gave me a hand shake and said "all the best, take care of your teeth, and have a nice weekend, see you some time in the near future" Then when i went to the front to book in for another appointment, his assistant came with me, and he went at the back to get changed from his uniform and waited at his car outside for my friend and i to come out, when we went outside he said "Mandy, can we chat?" So i went over to his car and said sure, we stood by the back of the car, no affection showing at all, as anyone could've seen us, he said "i like the way you're a good girl and can keep secrets" I said "Look, there's something i want to tell you, i like you a lot, & wish things could've been different and wish that there was a way we could be together, but its just not possible, you're in a relationship and you belong to another woman, so thats where you need to stay, i am greatful for the way you have looked after me and the way you have transformed my teeth, i do appreciate it, but i cant see you anymore on a personal level - I am sorry it has to end" He gave me this real smirky look and said "u wont give me up, you're to into me to back away and besides i wont let you.....and got into his car and took off" He made my heart melt.....i dont want to give him up:( :( I cant let go, ive been crying ever since i got home about half hour ago, and he has sent me over a dozen text msgs telling me how sexy he thinks i am and how well we get on.... Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 Mandy, I'm impressed. You did exactly the right thing. Unfortunately, this jerk thinks he's God's gift to women and he is going to do everything in his power to get into your bed now. You're a challenge and he'll be determined to win. Not because he loves you or ever will but because it's a game that feeds his ego. Tell him that if he doesn't stop immediately, you will report him to his professional association and ask his secretary to call his wife for you. You have to cut him off so hard that he won't dare try to pull this BS on you anymore. Jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 2, 2005 Author Share Posted December 2, 2005 Outcast - he is a jerk isn't he? I must be messed uo because i still want him, he keeps calling but i am not answering my phone so sending text messages is the next best thing, i have switched my mobile off now....had a few calls on my home phone but no messages left there as he knows i live with my parents....... You should've seen the smirky look and the way he took off in a real show off way, made me sink, Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 I had to see him today for check up on fillings etc, he was friendly to me and his assistant was nice to me as she always is.... But the two secretaries at the front are the ones that give me the "look" when i come in.... I kept it all professional, couldnt say anything anyway, his assistant was in the room as well as my friend(who knows whats going on) At the end he gave me a hand shake and said "all the best, take care of your teeth, and have a nice weekend, see you some time in the near future" Then when i went to the front to book in for another appointment, his assistant came with me, and he went at the back to get changed from his uniform and waited at his car outside for my friend and i to come out, when we went outside he said "Mandy, can we chat?" So i went over to his car and said sure, we stood by the back of the car, no affection showing at all, as anyone could've seen us, he said "i like the way you're a good girl and can keep secrets" I said "Look, there's something i want to tell you, i like you a lot, & wish things could've been different and wish that there was a way we could be together, but its just not possible, you're in a relationship and you belong to another woman, so thats where you need to stay, i am greatful for the way you have looked after me and the way you have transformed my teeth, i do appreciate it, but i cant see you anymore on a personal level - I am sorry it has to end" He gave me this real smirky look and said "u wont give me up, you're to into me to back away and besides i wont let you.....and got into his car and took off" He made my heart melt.....i dont want to give him up:( :( I cant let go, ive been crying ever since i got home about half hour ago, and he has sent me over a dozen text msgs telling me how sexy he thinks i am and how well we get on.... Mandy, you have more nerve to say that than I ever had. Kudos to you. But you have to be strong. This is what MM do.. they will do whatever they have to do to keep you. I'm sorry but he probably did it to his last OW too. Just forget about him right now, go out to the bar this weekend with your girlfriends, and have fun! You'll find that there's more out there.. you don't wanna put yourself through this pain.. you don't. Trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 2, 2005 Author Share Posted December 2, 2005 I was really polite when i was talking to him and calm, i thought i did a good job actually.... It was him that made himself look so good....when i was telling him, he was leaning against the back of his car, then he got all uncomfortable and started itching his head and running his hands over his face and then made his jerky comment and took off like a shot gun and left me standing there in a pool of dirt that he had lifted with his car looking like an idiot Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 Outcast - he is a jerk isn't he? I must be messed uo because i still want him, he keeps calling but i am not answering my phone so sending text messages is the next best thing, i have switched my mobile off now....had a few calls on my home phone but no messages left there as he knows i live with my parents....... You should've seen the smirky look and the way he took off in a real show off way, made me sink, You're not messed up. You're a normal person with feelings. It's hard.. when your heart is telling you to do one thing, your head telling you another. But ultimately, you have the power to decide which one wins.. you know the right thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 I was really polite when i was talking to him and calm, i thought i did a good job actually.... It was him that made himself look so good....when i was telling him, he was leaning against the back of his car, then he got all uncomfortable and started itching his head and running his hands over his face and then made his jerky comment and took off like a shot gun and left me standing there in a pool of dirt that he had lifted with his car looking like an idiot That's exactly how I felt when all was said and done with my MM.. a pool of dirt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 2, 2005 Author Share Posted December 2, 2005 erika2610 - its a terrible feeling isnt it?? I feel like an idiot, i thought he would just forget about me and accept it, i think he is having trouble that someone is actually saying no him. looks as though i am the first Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 i think he is having trouble that someone is actually saying no him Probably and that's why he'll likely redouble his efforts to trap you. He's used to naive females falling for his manipulations and he figures he just has to work at it a little more and you'll join the club of women he's landed and tossed away. Know this as he tries. Oh he'll tell you anything that he thinks will win you - he might even say he's falling but it will all be to suck you in. Kinda depressing there are those sorts of men but unfortunately it's true. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 erika2610 - its a terrible feeling isnt it?? I feel like an idiot, i thought he would just forget about me and accept it, i think he is having trouble that someone is actually saying no him. looks as though i am the first He's mad that you're trying to not fall into his trap. He's not manipulating you that easily. And yea, it is a terrible feeling. If you feel like this now, imagine going deeper into this, and imagine a year from now.. it will be horrible. When My MM broke up with me the first time, I was left in shock. I could NOT stop crying. I couldn't even look at him. I felt used, humiliated, manipulated. Everything was a lie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted December 2, 2005 Author Share Posted December 2, 2005 Thanks for all your support everyone, I am really having a hard time.... Just read some more of his text messages here's what one says "I know u didnt mean what you said, someone forced you into telling me that BS....i know u better than that, come sleep in my arms" Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 erika2610 - its a terrible feeling isnt it?? I feel like an idiot, i thought he would just forget about me and accept it, i think he is having trouble that someone is actually saying no him. looks as though i am the first I'll tell you my first eye opener. I basically had a mini breakdown. I was so mad.. I realized he had lied to me the whole time. Made me feel stupid. I was at work when I fought about this with him, and he left, disgusted. I guess he felt bad or something, and came back. I went outside with him. He told me how sorry he was.. he never wanted to hurt me, only make me happy. He realized he had to change. Start treating me better. I walked away so happy cuz I believed him. Nothing changed after that. I even had to go on antidepressants cuz I was so upset over the whole thing. Realizing he only used me.. his heart belonged to his W. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 Ugh. I suspect this one will be a tough one to stop. Really consider telling him that you'll report him if he doesn't stop. You are a fish, Mandy, and he's going to use every lure in his box to reel you in. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 Thanks for all your support everyone, I am really having a hard time.... Just read some more of his text messages here's what one says "I know u didnt mean what you said, someone forced you into telling me that BS....i know u better than that, come sleep in my arms" Ask him how you're supposed to sleep in his arms with his wife right next to him?? Link to post Share on other sites
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