westernxer Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 I wrote him a xmas card last night... An x-mas card for a soon-to-be ex-husband. </giggle> Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 Westernxer You are BAD Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 the biggest "hurdle" is knowing if he likes me Wrongo. The biggest 'hurdle' will be you sitting home alone on Christmas and Thanksgiving and your birthday because he has to be with his family. The 'hurdle' will be that you can't call him when you need him, go out in public, or make arrangements to go away. He can't introduce you to his family or friends. The 'hurdle' will be you thinking so little of yourself you're willing to accept the scraps a married man chooses to toss your way rather than having a real, full-time relationship with a man of your own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted November 9, 2005 Author Share Posted November 9, 2005 Jaykay, I have a very serious illness that is affecting my life, i have seen many doctors, its a really difficult problem with my swallowing, and i have been thrown in to the "too hard" basket by everyone. This dentist has been really helpful in trying to find a solution, he has called up past drs and gotten reports from them, organised new tests etc for me, he has been great, no other doc has gone through so much trouble to help me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted November 9, 2005 Author Share Posted November 9, 2005 Western, u crack me up!! Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 This dentist has been really helpful in trying to find a solution, he has called up past drs and gotten reports from them, organised new tests etc for me, he has been great, no other doc has gone through so much trouble to help me. That sounds great. Why do you want to ruin what you have by turning it into something ugly like an affair? Best case scenario you'll make a fool of yourself and get embarrassed when you 'make a move' because you interpretted the signals wrong. If he actually reciprocates, you're eventually going to lose all that support you're getting from him now and more. Have you read the OW threads? Are you still wanting to pursue him? Link to post Share on other sites
glittergurl Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 An x-mas card for a soon-to-be ex-husband. lol Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 OP, It may just be possible that this dentist is on a mission to help you. Some docs are just like that; they are one of the FEW who will go out on a limb to help the patient. And patients frequently fall in love with their doctors, it's very common. Please don't try to take this in a romantic direction. You risk losing a wonderful doctor and a good friend. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 First year - appointment for root canal Second year - romance along the Venice canal Third year - love child through the birth canal Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 Fourth Year - Painful MM extraction Link to post Share on other sites
RainyDayWoman Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 Wilkes-Barre, Pa., dentist Glen Wolsieffer, married and the father of a daughter, carried on two adulterous relationships, one of long duration. On August 30, 1986, police called to the family's home found his wife beaten and choked to death. Several police and legal officials believed Wolsieffer was the murderer, but interrogation proved fruitless. They then turned to his more vulnerable brother Neil, the first person to enter the house after the slaying and the one who summoned the police, pressing him with questions almost to the point of harassment; in October Neil died in an auto accident later ruled determined to have been a suicide. The dentist killed his wife, his brother committed suicide to escape questioning, and the lives of many families were destroyed. he was just recently paroled after 13 years in prison. 20 was his maximum sentence. it's a very scary world. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted November 11, 2005 Share Posted November 11, 2005 I cant fight this attraction - what am i meant to do?... I was thinking of asking him to my place for Xmas drinks and see how he repsonds. If he comes over he is interested right? Please think about what you might be getting yourself into. If you ask him for drinks and he comes over... this might well be the beginning of something that might be exciting and fun in the first instance... but (if you read threads on the OW forum) will almost certainly turn into an unhappy situation for you, him, and possibly for his family. You've done something really sensible in asking for advice before going any further. Please listen to what people say... I doubt you'll get one single person suggesting that pursuing this attraction is in any way a good thing. And I'm speaking here as an OW in a relationship for 18 months with MM. PLEASE don't get yourself into a similar position ~ you still have a very simple CHOICE at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted November 12, 2005 Author Share Posted November 12, 2005 Hi Everyone. I appreciate all your comments. I am trying the best I can not to act on my feelings, I am trying to just forget about him, although its very hard, even harder when a best friend of mine keeps telling me I should pursue him:( I was so desperate to hear his voice last night so called him on his mobile just to hear his voice, I didnt say anything, just listened to him say "hello" and then hung up. Fighting the attraction i feel for him is a lot harder than i thought it would be, i think being able to talk about it in here is helping me a lot, so thanks everyone for listening and your responses. I made up a list of positives and negatives about pursuing this man and i came up with 5 positives and 19 negatives:( Link to post Share on other sites
FataMorgana Posted November 12, 2005 Share Posted November 12, 2005 Hi Everyone. I made up a list of positives and negatives about pursuing this man and i came up with 5 positives and 19 negatives:( Way to go, let him be.... Whatever works to get you not to want him! If you think it's hard to fight the attraction now, it will be much harder once you will cross the line and the pain will be a lot worse. try to forget about him and put your energy into pursueing someone else...that is hopefully not married. will make your dentist easier and easier to forget. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted November 12, 2005 Share Posted November 12, 2005 when a best friend of mine keeps telling me I should pursue him Tell your friend that a true friend would not encourage someone to get into a relationship whose odds of succeeding are pretty much nil. That you deserve your own full-time relationship with a man rather than someone else's sloppy seconds. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted November 12, 2005 Share Posted November 12, 2005 I appreciate all your comments. I am trying the best I can not to act on my feelings, I am trying to just forget about him, although its very hard, even harder when a best friend of mine keeps telling me I should pursue him:( Let your friend know that you've decided not to go after him and that you'd appreciate it if she respected your decision, because you'd rather not get wrapped up in the drama involved in being the OW. And that you can find a man who'll be 100% yours... no sharing. I made up a list of positives and negatives about pursuing this man and i came up with 5 positives and 19 negatives:( It's good that you're thinking about it rationally and logically. That's not always easy when romantic feelings get involved. Good for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted November 12, 2005 Share Posted November 12, 2005 I was so desperate to hear his voice last night so called him on his mobile just to hear his voice, I didnt say anything, just listened to him say "hello" and then hung up. Fast forward in time. It could be months, or it could be years. You're now the OW. You've fallen in love with him, you share special time together that you can't imagine sharing with someone else. You're all alone on a Saturday evening, or at some crisis point in life (parent has died, dog is ill, whatever)... you really need him to be there, but he has other commitments. All you can do is listen to his voicemail message. You do NOT want to be there. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted November 12, 2005 Share Posted November 12, 2005 And you really do not want to be phoning his place. Never do that again! If the wife picks up and gets nothing on the other end, she'll get suspicious. What if she calls you back? Do NOT give into your longings. Find a hobby, go out with friends. Ask one of your friends (obviously not your 'best friend') to be your addiction buddy - the way people have AA buddies that they call when they get the urge to drink. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 12, 2005 Share Posted November 12, 2005 ...its very hard, even harder when a best friend of mine keeps telling me I should pursue him:( Does your best friend care that he's married? Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted November 12, 2005 Share Posted November 12, 2005 Dentist: So, what have we here? Patient: rmmmm fssss gmmmmm Dentist: Oh, zatso? Patient: yump Dentist: OK, open wide. Patient: hmmmmm Dentist: My, my. Look what we have here! Patient: rmmmm? Dentist: Looks nasty. Patient: urrrr nuuuuuu Dentist: Ready? Patient: yump Dentist: OK, here we go... Patient: WWWRRRRR WWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! Dentist: Oh, did I hit a nerve? Patient: IIIISSSSCCCCHHHHH!!!! Dentist: Sorry... Patient: WWWRRRRMMMMMMMM!! Dentist: OK, just relax. Open wide again. Patient: MMMMMRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMM!! Dentist: Please release my finger. Patient: NM! NM! NMNMNMNMNMNMNM! Dentist: I cannot work on you if you're going to be like this. Patient: FCK UUUUUUUU! true story Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted November 13, 2005 Author Share Posted November 13, 2005 I am trying the best i can to fight the urge to pursue him, by reading and re-reading all your posts, and going over all the negatives that are involved with pursuing him. I havent told any of my friends about my attraction to this dentist apart from one that keeps telling me to go for it, her theory is you cantt fight destiny. She is going on about how she isnt the one to chase married men but she knows my character and that i am going to do it anyway so just go for it. I spoke to her last night, and read her the negatives and told her it might not be such a good idea after all to pursue him as i didnt want to get hurt and hurt other people. Her response was "so, that wont stop you, i know you will pursue him" It's so hard not being able to hear his voice, thats why i have such an urge to call him all the time. I listen to his message he left on my answering service but i crave to hear him "live" Gosh i sound like an idiot Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted November 13, 2005 Author Share Posted November 13, 2005 western - my friend doesnt seem concerned that he's married, she always says that personally she wouldnt go for a married man, but since she's pushing me to go for it, i think the "i wont go for a married man" is just a cover up. She also encourages me to call him and listen to his voice, when we're on the phone she always says, where's your cell phone, call him, come on i know you want to:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 13, 2005 Share Posted November 13, 2005 If he rejected you, would you try harder? Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted November 13, 2005 Author Share Posted November 13, 2005 western - probably not, i would move on, whats killing me is just to know if he likes me, thats all i want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2005 Share Posted November 13, 2005 I havent told any of my friends about my attraction to this dentist apart from one that keeps telling me to go for it, her theory is you cantt fight destiny. TELL the rest of your friends...Seems like you horned in on the one friend who will tell you what you want to hear. The other friends may not be as supportive and telling you GO FOR IT...Tell them anyway. You need all perspectives of this situation! Your friend is not giving you wise advice. THIS MAN HAS A WIFE already!!!! Even if the feelings are there - So what? Why even bother trying to steal him away from his wife...Even if you do - Could you trust him fully? What is your friends motive for pushing you into this situation with MM? Think about that, please. Why is it so important to her? Is it so she can pick up the pieces when your heart gets broken? Does she have issues of her own? Something isn't right here...Most people don't tell their dear friends to jump into oncoming traffic...She is telling you to DO THAT! WTF? Sorry, don't mean to sound harsh. I think honestly, you're better off reading the threads of OW, feel what awful s*** they go through and put up with... and read a whole bunch of threads in the infidelity section to see what the pain inflicted on the betrayed spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
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