newbby Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 i know it all sounds weird and wrong but right now i am happy to get what i can get from him and feel as though it ok for now and will take it a day at a time and see where it goes from there. that is because he has manipulated you to be happy with anything you can get from him. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 i know it all sounds weird and wrong but right now i am happy to get what i can get from him and feel as though it ok for now and will take it a day at a time and see where it goes from there. But it's not ok. And you haven't answered my question.. don't you think you deserve better & want better than this lifestyle? I don't think you can handle it.. seeing as how upset you've been so early on. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 mm are so manipulative. he has made you crave his attention. its a give withdraw thing. a go away, i want you thing. its a big psychological hook, that is all it is. powerful psychology yes, but just psychology. mm seem to instinctively know this game, or just cunning men who know how to get women to spread their legs for them. he is going to jerk off in and discard you, but, all the time he will be giving you little hooks, little hopes that he has some feelings for you. he is a filthy old man, that is all he is. cunning and sly, but just a dirty old man. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 Tell you what ya wanna hear is all they do. Like I said, he'll treat you anyway he wants to because he knows you'll still be there when he feels like calling. And Mandy, if the W ever finds out, forget about it. He'll turn it all around to be your fault. 'Well honey, you know that Mandy, she seduced me'. Blah blah blah. Trust me, I know.. I almost died when my MM W called me. It sucks. The whole thing sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted January 2, 2006 Author Share Posted January 2, 2006 erika - right now i dont want a better than this lifestyle. I am happy to be the OW, not forever by for the mean time. I dont even know if he wants anything with me, all he has agreed to is coffee, and my friend will be with me, so we'll see what he wants and what his thoughts and feelings are. All i know is i am sure i want him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted January 2, 2006 Author Share Posted January 2, 2006 erika - if u dont mind me asking (u can tell me 2 mind my own if i am being to nosey) but what happened when the W rang you. did she blame the whole A on you? Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 erika - right now i dont want a better than this lifestyle. I am happy to be the OW, not forever by for the mean time. I dont even know if he wants anything with me, all he has agreed to is coffee, and my friend will be with me, so we'll see what he wants and what his thoughts and feelings are. All i know is i am sure i want him. That's sad Mandy.. that you don't think you deserve better. And it's just so frustrating like I said, that 300 and some odd posts later, you still don't pay attention to what people are saying. All you care about is the little attention that you get from him, when he feels like giving it to you. I'll tell you what he wants.. sex. That's what he wants. You care about him and he only cares about sex. What you felt a week or so ago.. with him not calling you and thanking you, or even acknowledging you.. was that a good feeling? Because you're in for alot more of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 I know it sounds selfish but really i am not that kind of person. I am warm loving and kind. No you're not. You're selfish. You want him for yourself and don't care one tiny bit what that will do to his wife or family. So quit trying to pretend to yourself that you are not selfish and that you are kind. There is nothing kind about what you're doing. You've decided you want something and you don't care whose feelings get crushed in the process. That is the epitome of selfishness. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 erika - if u dont mind me asking (u can tell me 2 mind my own if i am being to nosey) but what happened when the W rang you. did she blame the whole A on you? She really didn't say too much. It happened a couple times. The first time, I text messaged him and he happened to forget his phone. She found out and he wanted nothing to do with me. She tried to make him go to Marriage Counseling. Couple of months later, he had had my name in his phone under the name Bob. By that time, we were back together. I called him and once again, he forgot his phone. She called my house back, and I felt so bad hearing her voice. She asked if I had a Bob living with me. I told her just to talk to her H. I'd pretty much bet that she did. We were done after that. But that was after also she and one of her friends.. or maybe just her friend, did about $1000 worth of damage to my car. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 No you're not. You're selfish. You want him for yourself and don't care one tiny bit what that will do to his wife or family. So quit trying to pretend to yourself that you are not selfish and that you are kind. There is nothing kind about what you're doing. You've decided you want something and you don't care whose feelings get crushed in the process. That is the epitome of selfishness. Wow.. you're the epitome of empathetic. No, what you are is someone who thinks she's better than other people. Do you think any of that helps? I have never once see you say anything nice to any of these girls. Ever. Being mean doesn't help anybody. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted January 2, 2006 Author Share Posted January 2, 2006 outcast - i dont care what u think of me but i am not a bad person just like all the OW out there. u need to learn to not be so judgemental. erika - that must have been terrible for you. How did she know what car was yours? Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 No, what you are is someone who thinks she's better than other people. Thanks for making my point. I agree with Woggle that the absolute truth is what's wanted. It's not 'mean'. It's just that people who are trying to hide from the hard light of truth run scurrying when they see it squawking that people are 'being mean'. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 How can you possibly say that what you are doing is not being selfish????? And the other two - how can you back that up? She KNOWS she will hurt his family. SHE DOES NOT CARE. There is nothing admirable or pitiable about that. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 outcast - i dont care what u think of me but i am not a bad person just like all the OW out there. u need to learn to not be so judgemental. erika - that must have been terrible for you. How did she know what car was yours? Somebody I worked with tipped her off. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 How can you possibly say that what you are doing is not being selfish????? And the other two - how can you back that up? She KNOWS she will hurt his family. SHE DOES NOT CARE. There is nothing admirable or pitiable about that. Nobody's backing her up. Nobody's saying it's ok. And if you're talking about me & Newbby, it's easier to give her advice because we know what she's going through. Who said there was something admirable or pitiable about it? Would you stop reading what you want to? I see nothing that says that anywhere.. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 How can you possibly say that what you are doing is not being selfish????? And the other two - how can you back that up? She KNOWS she will hurt his family. SHE DOES NOT CARE. There is nothing admirable or pitiable about that. outcast, the dentist is hurting his family and the dentist is hurting mandy. he has her controlled and addicted to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted January 2, 2006 Author Share Posted January 2, 2006 erika, thats terrible Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 erika, thats terrible What can ya do? Nothin I can do about it now. What's done is done. I'm past it. I mean, when you're with a MM.. ya kind if expect SOMETHING to happen. People are good liars.. but they can't keep it up forever. And my situation was doubly stupid, because I worked with him. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 mandy why do you always completely ignore me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted January 2, 2006 Author Share Posted January 2, 2006 i guess u expect something to happen but u never expect something bad to happento you. i think if my mm w rang me i would absolutely die Link to post Share on other sites
Author goingforgold Posted January 2, 2006 Author Share Posted January 2, 2006 sorry newby, i am not ignoring you. i am really sorry u feel that way, i might be a bit general with my replies and not answer everyone individually. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 i guess u expect something to happen but u never expect something bad to happento you. i think if my mm w rang me i would absolutely die its quite likely to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 sorry newby, i am not ignoring you. i am really sorry u feel that way, i might be a bit general with my replies and not answer everyone individually. but you havent even acknowledged my words? Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 but you havent even acknowledged my words? I'm more than happy to venture a guess as to why that might be. Newbby - your approach is to take an objective stance and encourage AM to develop a bit of self awareness as opposed to self-obsession. Great...but my perception is that what she really wants is to be part of cosy support group of Other Women who will join the chorus of "Isn't it awful, heart-rending and roller-coasterish all in a oner?" I'm still not convinced that this relationship is anything more than a figment of her imagination. She's getting plenty of drama, attention and validation. Even if someone posts something negative - well, that's still fabulous because a) it's attention b) it probably feeds into some sort of fantasy she has of herself (femme fatale) and c) for every person who criticises her, 5 will defend her - hence providing further validation. So in a nutshell... why would she waste her time responding to any calm, objective posts when there are others who can provide her with the rollercoaster she's looking for? I think you're very patient to be posting on this thread, but I can't help thinking that your sensible advice could be put to better use. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 i'm not sure i agree with you lindya, i mean certainly i agree that my advice is sensible! but, i think mandy is addicted and i think it is more than a figment of her imagination, i think the mm is a cunning player, like alot of them are. she is ignoring my advice definetly. i dont think she wants to face the truth, thats certain. i will ask if she wants me to continue advising and supporting her and if she does not then i will leave. mandy, do you wish me to advise and support you? Link to post Share on other sites
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