I am falling for my married dentist - please help!

[jasmine111]

probably because she's "in love" and that does crazy things to your decision making, and you dont care what will happen (until it happens, then its too late), you just want to pursue him

[goingforgold]

Hey everyone, I need your advice once again on something.

 

Last night he came around and he wanted to take me for a drive, so we went, he took me to the beach and we sat on the sand and watched the sun set it was beautiful.

 

We were hugging/kissing etc & he's fine with that. Then we went to the back seat of his car and I went to unzip him and he didn't want to "go thru with it"

He said he still had to get his head around that what he is doing is wrong and get over some of the guilt and says i am moving a little to fast, he told me to slow it down just a bit.

 

Anyway that was all cool........

We spent a few more hours just hugging and kissing etc then he dropped me home and here's the weird bit......

 

I thought he had his mobile phone on him like he normally does and sent him a txt msg saying

"I desire & crave your body more than you could ever know - do u want to some HOT txt msgs tonite?"

 

Response was "Yes oh yes, I cant wait to see you at work"

 

That spun me out - cant wait to see you at work???

 

So I text back some "playful" informative stuff about what i am doing to myself and how he can help.....

 

And i get a repsonse of

"Thats a bit rich, who are you anyway"?

 

Before i had a chance to answer the text my phone rang....I answered but there was no answer on the other end....so hung up and this happened several times.

 

Then i get text saying "You testing me? you will pay?"

 

I repsonded with "Whats going on? who is going to pay"?

 

The response was "I am sorry i am just paranoid as to what would happen if people found out"

 

Then i played along with it saying "dont worry i wont tell anybody"

 

The phone kept ringing and i didnt want to answer then a text came thru saying "why arent u answering?"

 

So i lied and said i was at a meeting.

 

The reponse was "dental nurses dont have meetings on a friday night"?

 

I never reponsed and got another message with "iam happily married try your luck else where"

 

So i said "ok" and left it......

 

10 mins another text came through........saying enough is enough who the f*** are you?

 

So i decided to call and a WOMAN answered the phone!!!!

 

 

I s*** myself and hung so i called my friend for help.......

 

She called her and put on a real good show that her 14 year old daughter was out of control and texting anyone's number she could find causing trobule, and she would be in trouble when her dad got home blah blah blah and we think she bought it, coz in the end she said "i am sorry for the language i used, i thought my husband was having an affair"

 

I got myself outa s*** this time, but dont u think she's a bit paranoid????

 

Do you think he has always been a cheater?

[westernxer]

Do you think he has always been a cheater?

 

At this point, does it really matter?

[loverrr]

all sounds weird to me:confused:

[Craig]

Do you think he has always been a cheater?

No of course not...he just acts like one, just talks like one, just happens to have office staff that are suspicious and just happens to have a suspicious wife. I'm sure he's innocent.

[loverrr]

if this guy is married why don't you just leave it be????????

[goingforgold]

LOL Craig.....

[jasmine111]

I got myself outa s*** this time, but dont u think she's a bit paranoid????

 

Do you think he has always been a cheater?

 

Um no she isnt paraniod, she's married to this man and found suspicious txt messages on his phone. I dont know if this dentist is also having an affair with a nurse at work or his wife was on his phone txting you. Sounds like a bit a both.

[goingforgold]

jasmine, the gut feeling i got was that he has probably cheated on her in the past and she is not really trusting of him and also suspects that he is cheating with a nurse at work, i think she was playing along with me to see what she could get out of me

[goingforgold]

I am thinking of calling him later to see if we can meet up so i can break it to him gently that was me last night, i am sure she had words with him last night even though we fooled her into thinking it was a prank....

[scarletletter]

Hi Mandy,

I think you are probably right about the "she doesn't trust him" thing. Also, just from what I have read, it sounds like maybe he has had a relationship or is having one with someone at work. Maybe that is why he doesn't want casual phone calls from you while he is at work. Hmmmmm....sounds very susupicious. If I were you, I would not contact him again unless he calls you. He might be thinking that the wife will find out and get scared. Let him figure out where his head is and then you will be there for him. He knows that. You are making me nervous, girl!!! And I never heard how the first kiss came about....fill me in when you get time....

[newbby]

now you know that he is having/has had other affairs, how do you feel? do you want to be just another one?

[elijahBailey]

He might be thinking that the wife will find out and get scared. Let him figure out where his head is and then you will be there for him.

 

Tell us scarlet, are you advocating what she's doing?

[Sami_D]

What does it matter whether he does this with every other patient and two of the dental nurses..? This whole story is just silly.

 

"connection" my ass.

[scarletletter]

In now way am I supporting what she is doing. Although I am here to support her in general because it helps to talk with someone. If you look at the description of this forum it is solely for "support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner". It is not for people to bash those of us who are involved with someone that is not available. I have been talking to mandy throughout this and have always advised against getting involved with him. She seems like a person who is very intrigued with this man and I have never really encouraged her to do so. I have told her the pain that it causes and the constant heartache. However, I am still connected with her in a way through this forum and I believe people that are not in this situation should not be in this forum and go to the forum for saints and holy people who never do any wrong.

[scarletletter]

By the way, if everyone thinks this story is so ridiculous, stop reading the damn thing and just go away.

[elijahBailey]

Although I am here to support her in general because it helps to talk with someone. If you look at the description of this forum it is solely for "support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner".

 

When she started this thread she was NOT involved yet. Had she started the thread AFTER she's screwed it all up, people here wouldn't have been harsh at all.

 

I believe people that are not in this situation should not be in this forum and go to the forum for saints and holy people who never do any wrong

 

What the !@#!@ are you talking about scarlett. Just what is it you're saying?

 

There are people here who have gone thru similar shyt and are paying the price. As for the rest who are fortunate enough NOT to have gone thru similar shyt, we have at least enough sense to know how destructive this behavior is. Oh believe us.... most of us know what kinda of situation she's gettin' herself into.

 

you could never say people that are not in this situation ......

 

Did you read carefully what Mandy wrote about the strange text messages? Did you feel the panic of the wife? Did you sense her agony? I feel her pain..... do you?

 

Maybe all of us here are harsh. But does harshness = we do not mean well? Are we truly bashing her? Most of us can see how the wife and the children are involved. It's not only about Mandy.

 

She's got no right tearing another family apart and potentially destroying the life of another woman and the childhood of her children.

 

This story is too far-fetched to be bogus. Sounds legit to me. Damn....

[Sami_D]

If you look at the description of this forum... It is not for people to bash those of us who are involved with someone that is not available.

 

Well I hope I'm not bashing anyone. And I am involved with a MM myself. But Support doesn't necessarily mean agreeing with someone or seeing it their way.

 

I have been talking to mandy throughout this and have always advised against getting involved with him.

 

Who hasn't told her not to get involved with him..? She's not listening to that. Even if it's not all made up, it's an example of one person's fantasy view of a situation prevailing over reality. And I think that pointing that out is worthwhile. I know she's not listening, but this is an open forum, and other people need to know how other OW react to this story.

 

It's silly.

[Sami_D]

 

Did you read carefully what Mandy wrote about the strange text messages? Did you feel the panic of the wife? Did you sense her agony? I feel her pain..... do you?

 

Maybe all of us here are harsh. But does harshness = we do not mean well? Are we truly bashing her? Most of us can see how the wife and the children are involved. It's not only about Mandy.

 

I agree.

 

Mandy has heard the W on the phone panicking about her H. And in no way is Mandy already involved in an affair with him. It's all flirting and fondling and excitedly reporting it to the forum.

 

I feel totally mortified by what we're reading here, and still hope that it's a wind-up by some teenager with time on their hands. All the 'kissing and cuddling' stuff sounds so immature.

 

Sorry, Mandy, if this is all real. I hope some of what we're saying is getting through to you.

[scarletletter]

No, I don't feel the wife's agony and pain...thank God! But obviously, she has a husband who is not worth a crap. What I am trying to say here is that Mandy has made her decision, hopefully she will be adult enough to deal with the circumstances that come along with it. I do try to discourage this but as the OW myself, I have everything I want right now--and the way that I want it for now. I would not advise this for anyone, but it works in my situation. Her situation is totally different than mine and I don't want to see her get hurt. I am talking to her as a friend, not a W who has been hurt by the OW. I have been on that end of it too...NOT FUN!! But what I don't understand is how come keeps picking on her just because her story is a little bazaar. Hell, everyone has their story...not every one is the same.

[whichwayisup]

Sadly Mandy's age and inexperience in life is the reason why she is in this mess. It's like a telling a child "The stove is HOT, don't touch it!" and they touch it anyway because they need to see for themselves. Mandy is showing us up in a slight way, that she can handle this situation, that she knows what she is doing...She has showed us she has complete disreguard for this married man's wife and children. She is selfish and has blinders on. She cannot even attempt to imagine the downfall of this situation. She hasn't got a clue of the pain she is going to be willingly putting herself in -Let alone the pain she will cause his wife and children. It isn't an excuse, being naive...She is smart enough to see that it is wrong but she doesn't care because she is following her heart and horomones...Which is clouding her judgement and decision making right now.

 

My advice has been harsh, yes, but I am not bashing her. I see things as they are and from where I sit she is making a very bad choice in life that will in return hurt her very badly and mess her up! Consquences...She will soon learn all about that.

[scarletletter]

I agree with that 100%. You hit the nail on the head. She has to find out for herself because everyone thinks their situation is different...they won't get hurt because this man LOOOOVVVVES them. Whatever!! Every situation IS different. I just cannot judge her because I am the OW. I take it for what it is. Just hate to see a young girl get herself in a bad and hopeless situation. I would like to try to help her along any way that I can but we all know that she will HAVE to figure this one out on her own. I will be here for her to talk to when and if it comes crumbling down on her.

[Sami_D]

Just hate to see a young girl get herself in a bad and hopeless situation. I would like to try to help her along any way that I can but we all know that she will HAVE to figure this one out on her own. I will be here for her to talk to when and if it comes crumbling down on her.

 

Meantime... her parents chatted to him for a considerable time the other evening and didn't ask about him being married..? Did she ever really respond to all the questions arising from that..?

 

Would he really have gone to a girl's parent's house for drinks and spoken to them for a long time if he had half a brain..? Too many things about this don't ring true. Or, if they are true... she's not responding to perfectly reasonable questions about them, and thereby rendering the process of discussion pointless.

[newbby]

i dont know sami, he sounds like a creep. indeed he might have. my xmm tried to make me befriend his wife when he was after me.

also sami, i really dont think any of us are in a position to judge her.

warning her yes definetly, trying to understand where she is coming from in order to help her too.

[Sami_D]

I hope my comments remain questioning rather than judging. People do things for all sorts of odd reasons. I have done plenty of stupid things in my life... but I think that asking ourselves why, and what's going to result from it are the things we need to concentrate on. And surely those are the reasons for coming to this forum, or once on it... for continuing to post and ask for input?

 

One thing that stands out from this thread is that, unlike almost every other LS thread... there is no sadness or self-examination or request for advice (as opposed to 'what do you think?'), or real uncertaintly. I really wonder what the reason for searching out our comments is.