Am I nuts to give this a shot?

[nc87whf]

I'm currently on a digital nomad lifestyle traveling the world while working (I'm self-employed and location independent) and I recently met a guy I like in a destination. He is local and runs an airbnb but has traveled a bit outside of his country as well. We met as host and guest . I am well aware that the success rate is low but since I will be staying in the country for another month in another city (taking a summer class) I want to make a trip back to his city and see if he wants to meet for coffee. I figure if he says yes great, if not, I will either not book the flight or regard it as my additional traveling since there are many small towns around it that's super cute that I didn't get to this time. Am I nuts?

As a reference, I am aware I may be reading too much into how nice he is to me, but he did do things that are a bit unusual as a host such as waiting for me in his car for over an hour when he offered to drove me back to my departing location (he came early to make sure he is one time and I was running late packing); bringing me breakfast and asking me to get an espresso with him after we arrived at the boarding area; he also said he liked talking to me and wrote the longest review he has ever written compared to other guests mentioning how he wished everyone could meet someone like me.

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, nc87whf said:

. We met as host and guest. I want to make a trip back to his city and see if he wants to meet for coffee. 

That's fine. If you seem to hit it off, asking for a low-key coffee is a nice idea. This way you can either develop a friendship or see what happens.

[JTSW]

In reality, how often would you really get to see each other if you gave it a shot?

[Giovane]

What are you afraid of? What's the worst that can happen? If you feel like asking him out for a coffee, I say why not! 👍

[nc87whf]

On 5/10/2023 at 2:49 PM, JTSW said:

In reality, how often would you really get to see each other if you gave it a shot?

I am fortunate enough to be able to stay somewhere (apply for a long stay visa if I want) if I want to since I'm now location independent working online. I don't have other obligations and I learn languages fast. The mutual interest is key 😀.

[nc87whf]

On 5/10/2023 at 8:14 PM, Giovane said:

What are you afraid of? What's the worst that can happen? If you feel like asking him out for a coffee, I say why not! 👍

I will in a few weeks when I return to near his city! You are right, nothing bad can happen really from this. 

[Alvi]

Even if it doesn't end up in you dating this guy, you may gain a good friend. Go for it!

[free_radicals]

Honestly, I don't think it will go anywhere, friends or otherwise. You're too distant to build anything. Relationships (friends, dating, etc.) are built in person, not over technology. So unless you plan to actually settle near him (which I'm sure you don't) then I think you'll be wasting time, money, and potentially emotional hurt.

I've attempted to date someone 8 hours away from me (driving) - initially I thought we could make it work. But later after our first date, reality hit and me and realized it was just going to be unsustainable. 

[smackie9]

Hey if you able to make adjustments to be with him for the long term I say it's a go....why the hell not.

[nc87whf]

12 hours ago, free_radicals said:

Honestly, I don't think it will go anywhere, friends or otherwise. You're too distant to build anything. Relationships (friends, dating, etc.) are built in person, not over technology. So unless you plan to actually settle near him (which I'm sure you don't) then I think you'll be wasting time, money, and potentially emotional hurt.

I've attempted to date someone 8 hours away from me (driving) - initially I thought we could make it work. But later after our first date, reality hit and me and realized it was just going to be unsustainable. 

I can actually settle near him if I want to since I'm fortunate enough to be location independent which means I don't need to live anywhere unless I want to. Whether or not he is interested in me and also ready to date is the question. 

There is actually an update - he messaged me a few days ago before I even messaged him, but he was asking me about something business related since he has been thinking about opening a business in my home country. I provided some advice and said I will go to his city in a few weeks and asked if he's free for coffee. 

He said he isn't sure if he will be in his city when I go but if he is, he would love to meet me so he asked me to message him again when my plans are firmed up. It doesn't sound overly positive but I'm not going to overthink this for now. It sounds like both me and him are not completely set in one location. If we end up meeting for coffee, the answer will come out. I have come to accept that if something is for me, it will be mine no matter what. If it's not meant to be, it won't be no matter what I do. 

Thanks for providing your perspective! 

[free_radicals]

That's great then! I think you got the right attitude - having no expectations. I'm leaning myself to just go with the flow and see what happens without forcing something that isn't there (attraction or chemistry in this case). Good luck!

[Lotsgoingon]

Just shift the language. No need to up the intensity to "should I give this a shot?" Go much more simple and incremental. "Do I want to make an effort to see him again?" Stay there.

If you go see him, then afterwards you repeat the question again: do I want to see him another time?  Which brings up another matter. You mention how he raved about you in the review and how he went out of his way to help you and said he enjoyed talking to you. 

Well I'm not hearing what you like about him. Just because someone really likes us does not mean we should equally like them. That's an easy way to get burned. Because you proceed down a path that you haven't stopped to consider whether you want to proceed on. 

What did you like about him that makes it worth thinking about seeing him again? 

[nc87whf]

53 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Just shift the language. No need to up the intensity to "should I give this a shot?" Go much more simple and incremental. "Do I want to make an effort to see him again?" Stay there.

If you go see him, then afterwards you repeat the question again: do I want to see him another time?  Which brings up another matter. You mention how he raved about you in the review and how he went out of his way to help you and said he enjoyed talking to you. 

Well I'm not hearing what you like about him. Just because someone really likes us does not mean we should equally like them. That's an easy way to get burned. Because you proceed down a path that you haven't stopped to consider whether you want to proceed on. 

What did you like about him that makes it worth thinking about seeing him again? 

That's a great perspective, thank you! 

Great question and something I haven't thought about verbalizing - I would say I like 3 things about him the most: 1) thoughtfulness and warmth, which yes, could be just a byproduct of him being in the hospitality business. I especially look for people who make me feel warm, safe and at home, which he did. 2) entrepreneurial - I'm an entrepreneurial person and want my partner to be similar in this way. The fact that he is looking to expand and do more in business is attractive. 3) can-do attitude. We met 4-5 times in the span of a week due to a persistent maintenance issue. I would have been annoyed otherwise because how it wasn't fixed promptly but the fact that he kept trying with different methods and assuring me it will be fixed even if that means he will need to buy new equipment reminds me of myself - I would have done exactly the same in my business. 

And my idea of having coffee with him is to get to know him more - after all, I still know very little about him and vice versa, so yes, I agree, no need to reach the intensity of "will this work or not" just yet. Thank you for this very helpful guidance! 

[Alpacalia]

It's unlikely I would but a good friend of mine from Serbia travels a lot for business, and she has friends in every part of the world. I think she's home a couple weeks a year. Her courage to explore the world and enthusiasm to build strong relationships are admirable. Every time she returns from her trips, she has amazing stories to share, and I am always eager to hear them.

It's nice to see someone who is so passionate about life and willing to take chances as you are.

Think realistically about how many times you can visit per year. It's an expensive endeavor, and you may not have the time.

[nc87whf]

8 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

It's unlikely I would but a good friend of mine from Serbia travels a lot for business, and she has friends in every part of the world. I think she's home a couple weeks a year. Her courage to explore the world and enthusiasm to build strong relationships are admirable. Every time she returns from her trips, she has amazing stories to share, and I am always eager to hear them.

It's nice to see someone who is so passionate about life and willing to take chances as you are.

Think realistically about how many times you can visit per year. It's an expensive endeavor, and you may not have the time.

Indeed my lifestyle is unorthodox - that's why I'm doing it since I got tired of the stable environment and not finding love where I was. I do not have a home base and have been living out of a suitcase for almost a year. Not paying rent or mortgage at home so I can be ultimately flexible. So anywhere I go, I could be staying there, not visiting. Your friend sounds awesome! And thank you for your comment. 

[Ageless Wisdom23]

It will end up to be a LDR if you do decide to continue and he is game to do this with you.  I have been in a few myself.  The first one was Out in Egypt where I Met and Married a Muslim Man and even resided there for awhile on my second trip.  It didn't pan out and later I got into another LDR for four Years, Recently breaking it off with him because that didn't appear to "Pan Out" neither.  You say you travel a lot for your job.  So to get into a LDR may be  more of a problem for you than it was for me.  Or if you can work it out with doing what 😐you do for your Job, It would need to be  something you should think over.  LDR is not for everyone.  It takes two to make the effort and two to tango.