jealousy at it's worst

[Kathryn]

Hi,

 

I'm in a realtionship with a man who is 36 yrs old, never been married, has lived in this city all of his life and knows a lot of people. My question is this...How do I get over feeling jealous of all of the other women we run into? He flirts a lot, and we run into a lot of his ex-girlfriends when we go out. He flirts while I'm sitting right beside him, but if I get upset by his behavior, he acts as if I'm being silly. He also makes unnecessary comments about other women and this is really getting on my nerves!! It doesn't feel good to be jealous, I never have been before. I feel as if I'm becoming the "psycho girlfriend"! What can I do or say to make him stop this flirty behavior? It's going to ruin how I feel about him! I love him a lot, and we're talking about marriage, but I can't deal with this! I believe he's intentionally trying to make me insecure!!

 

Please Help!!

 

Kathryn

[Tony T]

You answered your own question. You simply tell him if he doesn't cease this flirtatious behavior around his old girlfriends, you'll simply terminate the relationship. And you have to mean it!

 

I think it's pretty rude for him to do anything but say hello to his former girlfriends. He's with you now and if he wants to remain with you he needs to understand that it is YOU he needs to make feel special. He doesn't seem to be doing a very good job of that.

 

I don't consider you psycho now but I would think about that if you continued to put up with this. If you really think he's intentionally trying to make you feel insecure, leave him now and don't give him a chance to change. If that's his intention, he's a real sicko.

 

Be strong and firm here. Don't put up with this for a second...and if he ever does this again in front of you, make a scene and leave right then and there. Embarass the hell out of him.

[Amy]

I agree with Tony. No one deserves to be made to feel insecure all of the time. You want to be with someone who makes you feel confident and alive, not worried about who you'll run into around the next corner.

 

Hi, I'm in a realtionship with a man who is 36 yrs old, never been married, has lived in this city all of his life and knows a lot of people. My question is this...How do I get over feeling jealous of all of the other women we run into? He flirts a lot, and we run into a lot of his ex-girlfriends when we go out. He flirts while I'm sitting right beside him, but if I get upset by his behavior, he acts as if I'm being silly. He also makes unnecessary comments about other women and this is really getting on my nerves!! It doesn't feel good to be jealous, I never have been before. I feel as if I'm becoming the "psycho girlfriend"! What can I do or say to make him stop this flirty behavior? It's going to ruin how I feel about him! I love him a lot, and we're talking about marriage, but I can't deal with this! I believe he's intentionally trying to make me insecure!! Please Help!! Kathryn

[sparkle]

First, ask yourself if he is indeed flirting with other women and making inappropriate comments or if you are just overreacting by his outgoing and friendly personality. Or maybe what you consider flirting is different from what he thinks is within the acceptable limits, and maybe you two just need to sit down and come to a compromise about his behavior.

 

But if he really behaving inappropriately and you don't like it, then tell him so and break up with him. It's useless to stay in a relationship if you're not happy, especially if you two have already discussed the problem, and it hasn't gotten better.

 

You didn't state how long you two have been going out. But did his behavior change recently, or has he ALWAYS been like this for as long as you have known him? Because if he has been like this and you chose to get in a relationship with him, did you expect to try and change him later on?