Dazed and Confused23 Posted May 10, 2023 Share Posted May 10, 2023 So, we have been married 15 years. It’s been a great marriage so far. We’ve had our issues but things have been very good. We have two children and I have been very happy. When it comes to sex I’ve been very pleased and to my knowledge so has she. We are usually pretty open about what we want and sex has actually become even better as we have aged. BUT .. about one month ago my wife’s phone alarm was going off while she was in the shower. She asked me to turn the alarm off. When I turned off the alarm I noticed that she had her email account pulled up which I would have thought nothing of if it were not for the subject line. It was very sexually suggestive. To my amazement my wife had apparently been answering sex ads on different websites and then emailing these men. When I looked closer she was using a different email account. She had been having conversations with all kinds of people for about the last two years. These messages ranged from deviant sexual talk, to sending pictures, to suggesting meeting times. I couldn’t tell from the conversations if she had actually met or not. Long story short I confronted her about it and she claims that it was all fantasy and in good fun. She says that she never met anyone and never had any intentions of meeting someone. I explained my disgust and disappointment. She did say that she would stop and apologized but I’m really taken aback. There were messages of setting up times to meet in hotels in our town with more than one partner! Again, I could not tell if she has met but wow. And she did say that she never met but I’m in a state of shock. I’m trying to slow down and not let my mind race about what may have happened but how can I not? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 10, 2023 Share Posted May 10, 2023 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Dazed and Confused23 said: I confronted her about it and she claims that it was all fantasy and in good fun. There were messages of setting up times to meet in hotels in our town with more than one partner! Sorry this is happening. Somehow she's leading a double life. It's good you admitted you came across this and asked her about it. All you can do is suggest marriage therapy to get the dialogue started. This way you can at least figure out if she just has far out fantasies or if you're married to someone you don't even know anymore. Edited May 10, 2023 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted May 10, 2023 Share Posted May 10, 2023 I think you need to decide whether this alone (assuming what you see is all that happened). is enough for you to end things. That may take some reflecting/thinking through. For some folks it certainly would be, others not. If she's giving you access to these emails, you could consider seeing if any of the putative hotel room times seem to align with times she was out of the house a lot. That would seem to be fairly suspicious, to me at least. IF you still want to stay with her, it might be time to re-evaluate your "sexual practices" as your wife seems to want to be a swinger or (at the VERY least) want to fantasize about it with "support" from these online activities. So that might take some working though together as it were. Some men would be ok with this sort of thing, others not. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 10, 2023 Share Posted May 10, 2023 What would a woman set up a times to meet men for sex and then not go through with it? It doesn't make sense. Especially her sending them pictures ahead of time. Your wife has been playing you. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 10, 2023 Share Posted May 10, 2023 I think you should consider a polygraph. I agree with the above poster. What woman would set up a time to meet various men for sex and not go through with it? If the roles were reversed, do you think that your wife would believe such a story from you? This is totally disrespect you and your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted May 11, 2023 Share Posted May 11, 2023 They were very specific meeting times and places. I don't think I would believe that she never met them, seeing as it was so well planned out. Contact the hotel and find out if any reservations were made for those dates and times. I'm sorry but I agree with @stillafool. She is playing you. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 11, 2023 Share Posted May 11, 2023 (edited) 18 hours ago, Dazed and Confused23 said: These messages ranged from deviant sexual talk, to sending pictures, to suggesting meeting times. I couldn’t tell from the conversations if she had actually met or not. There were messages of setting up times to meet in hotels in our town with more than one partner! Is it possible she is working as an escort? That's sort of what you're describing. You claim she's answering sex ads? So these aren't dating apps? Resist the temptation to play amateur detective. If she were meeting these people, wouldn't you have noticed her absence? You also claim that as explicit and detailed as these messages were, there were no confirmations of actual times and places really discussed. So a lot is missing from this story. Edited May 11, 2023 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
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