What exactly do girls want to hear? online dating, or in general)

[Gaeta]

5 hours ago, Kaspers_Intuition said:

nono I look very young for my age, if you knew me in person you would prolly understand. an 18 year old is prolly perfect for me!

is speed dating legit? I haven't tried any where I live yet.

Nono....you may look young but relationships are much more complex than just being about looks. An 18 yo is a teenager!! I am the mother of a 19 yo girl and if a 29 yo man pursued her l would make his life a living hell ! She needs to discover love & life slowly with a boy around her age, not with a grown man 11 years older who's discovered everything already.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Kaspers_Intuition said:

29 years old.

You may do a lot better with 24-33. It doesn't matter how old you look. What matters is women generally want someone on the same page. Your net is way too wide. Unfortunately it's a very common mistake people make with OLD 

It's important to consider your demographic and screen appropriately.

For example a college student (18-22) will have a ton of real life choices and is in a completely different life stage than you.  So you can swipe but the lack of response could make you increasingly despondent in the long run.

Do you work? Have your own place? A car or transportation?  Research online for singles events including speed dating and other activities in your area.

Edited May 11, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Kaspers_Intuition]

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

OP I suggest you read the bold many many times. The thing is you need to get in the door and that is the challenge, I'd like to think carefully chosen words spoken with sincerity would help but I cant categorically say this is true. 

OP you also need to realise it is much easier for attractive people in general because getting the door open is easier but equally a lot can fall short due to a lack of other qualities in the LONG term. Typically I think many have enough qualities for ONS but that does not mean they are relationship material.

I think the best advice OP is to always be respectful in your communication.

I guess I'll just be patient then, and like you said careful with my communication. I'm always polite though so no worries there! Patience I guess overall!

[Kaspers_Intuition]

29 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You may do a lot better with 24-33. It doesn't matter how old you look. What matters is women generally want someone on the same page. Your net is way too wide. Unfortunately it's a very common mistake people make with OLD 

It's important to consider your demographic and screen appropriately.

For example a college student (18-22) will have a ton of real life choices and is in a completely different life stage than you.  So you can swipe but the lack of response could make you increasingly despondent in the long run.

Do you work? Have your own place? A car or transportation?  Research online for singles events including speed dating and other activities in your area.

I work full time. Nah I'm not moving out anytime soon. I like the extra money right now. Lol. I have a car! 

I mean if i happen to find an 18 or so year old and it works out then i would definitely pursue. just keeping my options open! 

[Kaspers_Intuition]

40 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Nono....you may look young but relationships are much more complex than just being about looks. An 18 yo is a teenager!! I am the mother of a 19 yo girl and if a 29 yo man pursued her l would make his life a living hell ! She needs to discover love & life slowly with a boy around her age, not with a grown man 11 years older who's discovered everything already.

I mean life is just so complex you never know what could happen though. You'll never know what will work, have to keep options open! That's all. It's not like I will only date an 18 year old, it's within a range of ages that i can legally date, that's all!

[Gaeta]

13 minutes ago, Kaspers_Intuition said:

 it's within a range of ages that i can legally date, that's all!

I am 57, legally l could date an 18 year old too. Does it mean it's moral? no. Does it mean it's smart? No. Does it mean l have a better chance at finding a man if a spread my search to 18 yo? no. 

So, narrow your search to women closer to your age and older, that have a job & pay their bills.  

Keep a mind open by going on dates with different style of women, not by chasing girls barely out of high school. It's really creepy to me that at almost 30 you see nothing wrong with that. 

So back to your issue, you are too much all over the place. Do you know what you want? Do you want casual dating only? Do you seek a relationship? What type of relationship? 

[Alpacalia]

Just think of what "The Rock" would do. 

He's the epitome of confidence. 

Instead of trying to copy his behavior, take the qualities that make him so confident and apply them to your online profile. Be sure to show off your personality and interests and make it clear what kind of relationship you are looking for. Be sure to be authentic and honest in your messaging and be sure to show your interest and respect for the other person.

You'll do fine, young grasshopper.

[Weezy1973]

14 hours ago, Kaspers_Intuition said:

I work full time. Nah I'm not moving out anytime soon.

While I know folks generally stay at home longer these days, having no plan to move out at 29 is a bad call, and will definitely make you less attractive to the vast majority of women. 

[ZA Dater]

OP I think you need to ask yourself a few questions

1: What do you find attractive

2: What are you prepared to change to make yourself more attractive to those people, if nothing that is OK to but you can change how you converse with people and that may make  a difference.

3: Do you want long term/fling etc. 

Have you had much attention for from ladies before, I am guessing not hence this post. Can you differentiate between a friendly person and an interested one? 

As for age, honestly if you are attracted to younger then try date younger, there is some evidence to suggest a 10 year age gap is not unreasonable. 

MY best advice for you is DO NOT make dating the only thing in your life.

[Kaspers_Intuition]

4 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

While I know folks generally stay at home longer these days, having no plan to move out at 29 is a bad call, and will definitely make you less attractive to the vast majority of women. 

I do have a plan to move out once I have a solid relationship and everything is super, and I mean SUPER solid. Otherwise I don't plan to waste time sulking in a home by myself single that I can barely pay for because cost of living is sky rocketed. lol.

[Gaeta]

50 minutes ago, Kaspers_Intuition said:

I do have a plan to move out once I have a solid relationship and everything is super, and I mean SUPER solid. Otherwise I don't plan to waste time sulking in a home by myself single that I can barely pay for because cost of living is sky rocketed. lol.

Are you ready to change that to get a girlfriend?

Are you aware that many women will be put off by the fact you are living with your parents at your age. 

Independence builds character. 

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, Kaspers_Intuition said:

I do have a plan to move out once I have a solid relationship and everything is super, and I mean SUPER solid.

Bad plan. You need to be SUPER solid on your own, before entering a relationship. This is a big one. You’re putting way too much pressure on a relationship. Relationships work when both people are solid on their own. 

[basil67]

4 hours ago, Kaspers_Intuition said:

I do have a plan to move out once I have a solid relationship and everything is super, and I mean SUPER solid. Otherwise I don't plan to waste time sulking in a home by myself single that I can barely pay for because cost of living is sky rocketed. lol.

Yes and no for this.  You will more likely get away with living at home if you're in one of the most expensive cities in the world.  Singapore, Sydney, San Fran, Paris, London, New York etc.  I'm in Sydney and rents/property prices are currently so crazy that heaps of formerly independent 20 somethings are having to move back home. So people who will understand.  On the proviso that you're pulling your own weight at home...cooking, cleaning, etc.

But it's not a good look if you've never even tried moving out of home. 

Edited May 12, 2023 by basil67

[Wiseman2]

On 5/11/2023 at 7:21 PM, Kaspers_Intuition said:

 Nah I'm not moving out anytime soon.

Are you hoping a GF will help you financially or take care of you similarly to living with parents?  It's unclear why you need a "solid relationship" before you get your own place.

Your age range and approach still seems to not be working with regard to people responding. Have you set up any dates? Have you had a GF in the past?

As long as you have a viable plan to attract and meet women who are interested in you and start going on dates, that's good.

It's a catch-22 in terms of finding someone first, then moving out because living with parents is a deal breaker/red flag for a lot of women.

However the last thing you want is to become a cliche of the 30 year old man still living with his mother in his childhood bedroom. So reconsider your search criteria and try to find women who would be compatible.

[Gaeta]

My eldest daughter was out of our home at 22. She was still a student and working. They were like 4 room-mates in that first apartment, then she moved with less room-mates and she lived on her own around 26. Bought a house at 32.

She would not be the strong resourseful woman she is if she had lived under my roof till 30.  Like l said it builds character and puts you in situations where you have to find your own solutions. 

Back to my daughter, even at 35 years old it's not always easy financially with owning a house and every other bills coming with it but it's life! I tell her often it's normal both your paychecks dissapear! Most middle class people will optain financial stability passed 50th b'day! 

If you wait for financial stability OP you will never move out of your parents. I'm sure there is a statistic somewhere showing how little sex people have when living at home.

[Giovane]

21 hours ago, Kaspers_Intuition said:

I do have a plan to move out once I have a solid relationship and everything is super, and I mean SUPER solid. Otherwise I don't plan to waste time sulking in a home by myself single that I can barely pay for because cost of living is sky rocketed. lol.

It's been said a couple of times now, and I'll just say it again: you really have that the wrong way around!

You're expecting the relationship to fix things in your life, to finally lift you to a higher stage and make everything "super". This puts too much pressure on relationship prospects and, frankly, it's very unattractive. The ability to live on your own and the character this builds (as Gaeta put it) is an attractive quality that women are looking for. Women need to see that you are solid, they don't want to have to bear the burden of making your life solid.

Also, you don't have to sulk living alone. I don't sulk. I have hobbies that I pursue, I go to meet-ups, so week in week out I spend more evenings out and about than I spend at home.
 

Edited May 13, 2023 by Giovane