Has anyone considered a matchmaking service?

[Exam105]

I don't think I personally know anyone who has consulted with a professional matchmaker. But, after a recent experience, I've been wondering if I should do it someday (perhaps a few years from now).

I tend to be mentally attracted to women who are quirky and authentic, and physically attracted to women who are chubby/Rubenesque and extremely top-heavy. Whatever you're thinking, it's likely even larger—the last woman I was interested in had been professionally fitted for bras well into the middle of the alphabet (36M UK). Unfortunately, all my encounters with such women have led to disappointment because:

A) They're attracted to me but already married or in a polyamorous/ethically non-monogamous relationship. (I'm monogamous, however.)

B) They're not attracted to me.

C) They believe I'm not interested in serious commitment.

The last two potential matches I encountered were A and C. Unfortunately, after spending some hours getting to know each other and clicking well, "woman A" sprung on me that she's married but in a truly open relationship. It was disappointing, but I didn't and still don"t hold any ill will toward her.

I'm not very fond of dating apps, and I don't think I could admit a preference like this anyway without it being misinterpreted as pure sexual interest. Those who don't assume have gotten along with me well and discovered I am serious about long-term commitment as we bonded over other topics.

I've questioned whether or not this qualifies as "picky," and I don't think a single personality trait (authenticity) and a single physical trait (voluptuousness) are that much. I don't care about a woman's height, income (within reason), hair length, etc., or about whether she watches guilty pleasure reality TV, eats a certain diet, follows a certain faith. I don't even mind if she doesn't want kids (but am open to them if she does).

All that's to say, maybe a matchmaker would be able to find this elusive person—except she'd not be already married/partnered, poly, or into cuckoldry/a hot wife kink.

Have you ever tried a matchmaking service? A pro is likely very expensive, so I think it'd be helpful to hear about people's experiences using this kind of service.

Edited May 11, 2023 by Exam105
Grammar/spelling errors

[Wiseman2]

24 minutes ago, Exam105 said:

Im not very fond of dating apps, and I don't think I could admit a preference like this anyway without it being misinterpreted as pure sexual interest. 

It's doubtful a matchmaking service could help you any more than dating apps. The reason being that  matchmakers have to have two willing clients and your extreme physical preferences will be just as difficult to find or match as it would on dating apps. You could try niche apps targeted for your tastes.

[basil67]

Rather than thinking that only two criteria isn't asking for much, I think it isn't enough.  Reading your post, it sounds like you're willing to put up with pretty much anything for a bigger women who's simply open and honest.  But there's so much more to her personality than that!    What about common interests?  Good conversation? Ability to make each other laugh? Similar life goals?  Enjoying similar work/play lifestyles. 

You may not care about these things, but I guarantee that the women are wanting it.

 

[ZA Dater]

I thought about this idea for a while and looked into it but what I found was at least where I live its a non starter because it was near impossible to determine how many ladies they had on their books, hence you pay and then find for every lady they have signed up there are 5 guys. I do not think that ratio is very favorable.

Your requirement is also very specific so I suspect you might find it difficult. 

Again how do you know someone who meets one requirement will meet all your other requirements?

[Weezy1973]

I doubt matchmaking services have a great track record and I suspect they’re very expensive. 
 

And generally speaking the pickier you are about superficial stuff, the fewer options you have. If you’re holding out for women with “M” cup bra size, that’s a tiny percentage of the population and the likelihood you are compatible with the ones you do meet is minimal. Dating is a numbers game. 

[Exam105]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

Rather than thinking that only two criteria isn't asking for much, I think it isn't enough.  Reading your post, it sounds like you're willing to put up with pretty much anything for a bigger women who's simply open and honest.  But there's so much more to her personality than that!    What about common interests?  Good conversation? Ability to make each other laugh? Similar life goals?  Enjoying similar work/play lifestyles. 

You may not care about these things, but I guarantee that the women are wanting it.

 

Hi, it's not that those are all that matters; it's that those two criteria are simple jump-off points for the rest of what you've mentioned. I very much enjoy good conversation and levity, and common interests aren't massively important because I'm a curious person with diverse interests, so I like learning about other people's interests even if not intending to pursue that interest.

 

I've already experienced connections with all the things you mentioned. The problem was, unfortunately, they were always poly/ENM or married. The few who weren't didn't really get to know me.

[Els]

6 hours ago, Exam105 said:

except she'd not be already married/partnered, poly, or into cuckoldry/a hot wife kink

Considering that your criteria for women is practically fetish-based (large boobs or BBW) and very little else, are you really that surprised that people are primarily engaging with you in a kink/fetish context? Of course there are large-breasted women who aren't just looking for a man to fulfill THEIR specific kink as well, but they aren't going to be too chuffed with a man who is only interested in them for their boobs.

I've only ever heard of professional matchmakers being used in a very traditional context (e.g. Indian matchmakers), and somehow I think they'd kick you out of their office once they hear your criteria, lol.

[Exam105]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

I thought about this idea for a while and looked into it but what I found was at least where I live its a non starter because it was near impossible to determine how many ladies they had on their books, hence you pay and then find for every lady they have signed up there are 5 guys. I do not think that ratio is very favorable.

Your requirement is also very specific so I suspect you might find it difficult. 

Again how do you know someone who meets one requirement will meet all your other requirements?

That's unfortunate. I hope you had success elsewhere. It seems companies are not honest about their services, even with the conventional dating apps. That might be because Match Group bought them all up and pretty much homogenized everything.

As for my other requirements, I don't have a laundry list of requirements.

[Exam105]

12 minutes ago, Els said:

Considering that your criteria for women is practically fetish-based (large boobs or BBW) and very little else, are you really that surprised that people are primarily engaging with you in a kink/fetish context? Of course there are large-breasted women who aren't just looking for a man to fulfill THEIR specific kink as well, but they aren't going to be too chuffed with a man who is only interested in them for their boobs.

I've only ever heard of professional matchmakers being used in a very traditional context (e.g. Indian matchmakers), and somehow I think they'd kick you out of their office once they hear your criteria, lol.

That's not correct. It's not a fetish, nor am I "only interested in them for their boobs"—I don't think you read my post carefully. I simplified my preferences to one personality trait (authenticity) and one physical trait (voluptuousness) because it's an easy shortcut for gauging attraction. Authenticity doesn't imply "very little else," but I acknowledge my post didn't clarify on that end.

I've already talked to women who weren't kinksters, but there were other incompatibilities (separated but not divorced from her husband and not willing to yet, for example).  Also, there are plenty of smaller-chested women into kinks like the hot wife thing, and I've been approached by them, too, for racial reasons.

Edited May 11, 2023 by Exam105
Added details, fixed typos

[Exam105]

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

I doubt matchmaking services have a great track record and I suspect they’re very expensive. 
 

And generally speaking the pickier you are about superficial stuff, the fewer options you have. If you’re holding out for women with “M” cup bra size, that’s a tiny percentage of the population and the likelihood you are compatible with the ones you do meet is minimal. Dating is a numbers game. 

I agree. And I'm not looking for some laser-strict measurement like that. I only used that as an example because it reflected the last time there was mutual interest.

Thanks for your input.

[Exam105]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's doubtful a matchmaking service could help you any more than dating apps. The reason being that  matchmakers have to have two willing clients and your extreme physical preferences will be just as difficult to find or match as it would on dating apps. You could try niche apps targeted for your tastes.

I don't know much about the apps outside the conventional ones. I'm not sure they'd have a large user base, either. My friend said the best bet is Bumble or WooPlus (which I hadn't heard of until she mentioned it).

[Els]

9 minutes ago, Exam105 said:

That's not correct. It's not a fetish, nor am I "only interested in them for their boobs"—I don't think you read my post carefully. I simplified my preferences to one personality trait (authenticity) and one physical trait (voluptuousness) because it's an easy shortcut for gauging attraction. Authenticity doesn't imply "very little else," but I acknowledge my post didn't clarify on that end.

I've already talked to women who weren't kinksters, but there were other incompatibilities (separated but not divorced from her husband and not willing to yet, for example).  Also, there are plenty of smaller-chested women into kinks like the hot wife thing, and I've been approached by them, too, for racial reasons.

 

Something not BEING a fetish for you (according to your opinion) doesn't necessarily make it not fetishistic, especially if that is 50% of your requirement for a partner. Let's take, for example, a woman who only wants to date "authentic men with X penis size", with X being a size that only 1% of the male population fulfills. There's obviously inherently nothing wrong with what she wants or what you want, but she is going to be in for a rough time if she's looking for a LTR. Firstly, the odds of her finding a man with that requirement who is mutually interested in her is going to be exceptionally low. Then add to that the fact that many of those men aren't going to be too happy about being selected solely for the size of their dong, so only leave in the ones who are OK with it. Out of those, most are going to (rightfully or wrongfully) assume that she is a size queen, and they have their own fetishes that they want HER to fulfill.

So, all in all, I do think you are making things a lot harder for yourself, and matchmakers aren't going to help with that. But if you are OK with that fact, then by all means carry on.

[Exam105]

10 minutes ago, Els said:

 

Something not BEING a fetish for you (according to your opinion) doesn't necessarily make it not fetishistic, especially if that is 50% of your requirement for a partner. Let's take, for example, a woman who only wants to date "authentic men with X penis size", with X being a size that only 1% of the male population fulfills. There's obviously inherently nothing wrong with what she wants or what you want, but she is going to be in for a rough time if she's looking for a LTR. Firstly, the odds of her finding a man with that requirement who is mutually interested in her is going to be exceptionally low. Then add to that the fact that many of those men aren't going to be too happy about being selected solely for the size of their dong, so only leave in the ones who are OK with it. Out of those, most are going to (rightfully or wrongfully) assume that she is a size queen, and they have their own fetishes that they want HER to fulfill.

So, all in all, I do think you are making things a lot harder for yourself, and matchmakers aren't going to help with that. But if you are OK with that fact, then by all means carry on.

Again, that example doesn't add up because being selected "solely for the size of their dong" doesn't reflect my attitude toward physical appearance. I'd also never state an exact size requirement like that, and I'd never pursue anyone incompatible in intangible ways purely because of appearance; on the flip side, the authenticity part is non-negotiable. I say it doesn't make sense to call it a fetish because I'm attracted to a range of body types but most attracted to a smaller range. I'm aware that lowers the number of potential matches, but it's less rare than you'd think in the digital era.

I asked about matchmakers because the apps aren't geared toward healthy interactions, mostly vacuuming people's pockets and attention.

Thanks for your input.

Edited May 11, 2023 by Exam105
Clarity

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Els said:

Then add to that the fact that many of those men aren't going to be too happy about being selected solely for the size of their dong, so only leave in the ones who are OK with it.

I guess you could say it's a case of “size matters, but only if you don’t mind!” 

8 hours ago, Exam105 said:

Whatever you're thinking, it's likely even larger—the last woman I was interested in had been professionally fitted for bras well into the middle of the alphabet (36M UK).

You could say it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack—but the needle is a size 36M bra, and the haystack is filled with bras of all shapes and sizes. Finding someone who meets your unique criteria may be difficult, so a matchmaker service may help (especially if you don't have a lot of time to commit to traditional dating).

Maybe one that caters to BBW? Lots of men like beautiful bigger women.

I wonder though - what if you fell totally in love with a "chubby/Rubenesque and extremely top-heavy" female, and she lost weight and slimmed down? Is it going to be the end of the relationship? 

[mark clemson]

I have never tried this.  If the intent of a matchmaker is essentially to let you encounter women so you can see if you're attracted to them, it seems like you'd save money by simply going out into the world and doing the same thing.

The difference would be that the dating service women are (putatively) definitely single and looking. However it's not clear that it be worth the time and expense of the service, setting up dates with the women, etc, only to find you're not actually attracted.

[Alvi]

15 hours ago, Exam105 said:

C) They believe I'm not interested in serious commitment.

Why do you think they don't believe you that you interested in a long term relationship? What do you say or do that makes them doubt you? Do they think that you want them only because you see them as a fetish and and not as a whole individual? There are plenty of women who would be happy to find a man for a long term relationship. If you can improve in some ways that you present yourself to the women that you like, you may not need to use matchmaking services.

[basil67]

9 hours ago, Exam105 said:

I've already experienced connections with all the things you mentioned. The problem was, unfortunately, they were always poly/ENM or married. The few who weren't didn't really get to know me.

I know some very diverse people, but only a tiny percentage are poly/ENM.  Just how many women have you met and how many were in poly/ENM relationships?

[Exam105]

On 5/11/2023 at 8:24 PM, Alvi said:

Why do you think they don't believe you that you interested in a long term relationship?

On the internet, the high number of people seeking casual connections.

Quote

What do you say or do that makes them doubt you?

They don't once we actually get a conversation well underway.

Quote

Do they think that you want them only because you see them as a fetish and and not as a whole individual? There are plenty of women who would be happy to find a man for a long term relationship. If you can improve in some ways that you present yourself to the women that you like, you may not need to use matchmaking services.

To the first question: only if they assume it and don't go further into conversation. I've never had the issue of "not seeing someone as a person," woman or man, at any point in time. Not even in my most hormonal teenage years. Outside of chance meetings in real life, the other option seems to just use apps. I might end up doing that in a few years since single life is fine, and I like being alone more often than not.

[Exam105]

On 5/11/2023 at 8:32 PM, basil67 said:

I know some very diverse people, but only a tiny percentage are poly/ENM.  Just how many women have you met and how many were in poly/ENM relationships?

Maybe 70/30 poly to monogamous. The monogamous ones, like 3-4 people, were already married or far (but seeking only locals). For a few I wasn't their type.

I think it's been about 12-13 people in the last year in total, so 8-9 poly/ENM. Could be because the vast majority were encountered online through various forums, though none kink or sex-related. Only a couple encounters in real life.

[Exam105]

On 5/11/2023 at 12:45 PM, Alpacalia said:

I guess you could say it's a case of “size matters, but only if you don’t mind!” 

You could say it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack—but the needle is a size 36M bra, and the haystack is filled with bras of all shapes and sizes. Finding someone who meets your unique criteria may be difficult, so a matchmaker service may help (especially if you don't have a lot of time to commit to traditional dating).

Maybe one that caters to BBW? Lots of men like beautiful bigger women.

By "one" do you mean a matchmaker or app? If you meant app, I wouldn't know what's out there. A lot of the apps when you search seem like scams with fake users. I get it since it's hard to attract many people and pull them away from the big names like Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, etc. That's an uphill battle.

Quote

I wonder though - what if you fell totally in love with a "chubby/Rubenesque and extremely top-heavy" female, and she lost weight and slimmed down? Is it going to be the end of the relationship? 

I'm also attracted to slimmer women. It wouldn't end it since I'd never enter a long-term relationship where physical attraction was the top priority.

[Wiseman2]

On 5/11/2023 at 11:22 AM, Exam105 said:

Iasked about matchmakers because the apps aren't geared toward healthy interactions, mostly vacuuming people's pockets and attention.

Matchmakers can vacuum quite a bit of cash as well. They also browse dating apps for available people. So why not cut out the middleman? Unfortunately there's probably no shortcut to the specific things you're looking for. The more precise your criteria are, the less of a pool of there will be. 

[glows]

I don’t see why not. You mentioned a few years from now consulting with a mm. Your tastes and preferences may change by then too. Why look so far ahead? Are you intending on having children or a family? If you go down this route somewhere in the distant future then be prepared to focus more on compatibilities and future goals/values and beliefs - the glue that goes beyond physical attraction.

[Exam105]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Matchmakers can vacuum quite a bit of cash as well. They also browse dating apps for available people. So why not cut out the middleman? Unfortunately there's probably no shortcut to the specific things you're looking for. The more precise your criteria are, the less of a pool of there will be. 

Yes, totally agree. I'll probably use the apps eventually, but I won't download them unless I plan to create a quality profile, pay for the upgrades, and spend time swiping. I have no problem with paying, but I'm not in the mood to swipe and would want better quality photos than I have on my phone right now.

[Exam105]

1 minute ago, glows said:

I don’t see why not. You mentioned a few years from now consulting with a mm. Your tastes and preferences may change by then too. Why look so far ahead? Are you intending on having children or a family? If you go down this route somewhere in the distant future then be prepared to focus more on compatibilities and future goals/values and beliefs - the glue that goes beyond physical attraction.

I always look at the short, mid, and long term. That's how I know which preferences are stable. I already focus on future goals/values and beliefs - that's why I've met women (and even became friends with one) who fit what I find attractive physically, but I never pursued anything further. There's no substitute for those intangibles at the outset. I'm a very deliberate person.