Callous

[Stormy99]

Hi PPL:

 

Let me aplogize in advance for being so long-winded. I appreciate any honest advice, suggestions or comments that anyone gives me.

 

How do you deal with an insensitive person ? I divorced my ex-husband because of his crack addiction over two years ago. I am now dating this guy for several weeks. He seemed to be a lot of what I am looking for but now I am finding him to be insensitive. He insinuated, suggested, or jokingly asked me if I were responsible for driving my ex to start crack. The first time he did this I was hurt of the mere mention of this. I told him off a little then just got really quiet because I was hurt. I finally got over it and he brought it up yet again and we had an argument. Now this was in the same talk session. A couple nights later he brought it up yet again for the third time. This resulted in a two day argument.

 

During this two days he SORT OF apologized then later he said he really did not mean to apologize because he did nothing wrong. He said he did it just to get the argument over with. Then he asked me what I wanted from him because he apologized. I said what does your apology mean when now you say you did NOT mean it to begin with ?

 

 

I admit I am a little sensitive about this because I did love my ex but I will never take responsibility for what he did. My ex did not blame me nor did his family blame me. How can this man come in and blame me ? I told him that he had a decison to make whether he thinks I caused my ex's addiction because if he believes that then maybe he thinks I will cause him to start crack too.

 

Believe me, I could have gotten over this and moved on had this man not bring it up one time, two times, then three times. How much is one person supposed to ignore ? Now the issue is not only whether he blames me but also that he is the type of person who can not offer a sincere apology, he said so himself in so many words. The fact that I had to try to prove that what he did was wrong and he hurt me added a new and much bigger issue to the whole matter.

 

Right now I have started to pull back because I don't want to trust my heart to an insenstive man. I have been down that road before and it is not fun. Like I stated before he has so many qualities that I wanted in a man but not this insenstivity. I am the kind of person who believes in apologizing for my statements and acts if they hurt someone. You do not need to be in total agreement with the other person in order to offer a sincere apology. You need only to value that person, see that you contributed in some way to their pain and have a desire to make amends. Some peope can not comprehend pain unless it is brought home to them; that is not conducive to a good relationship.

 

Anyway, sorry I am so long winded. Please, any one send your comments, suggestions, questions. Please don't be concerned about saying the truth; I need it.

 

Thanks,

 

Stormy99