Pornography. I bet we've all heard that one before!

[d'Arthez]

d'Arthez: Why would my boyfriend need a 24-hour sex slave? He goes to college, he has a job.

And? Does that mean he can only desire sex for the few minutes between 7.55 PM and 8.00 PM, each and every day? No. People's lives are not that structured, and it simply is highly unlikely that whenever he has any particular desire, you have exactly the same desire. If you belief that is outrageous, suit yourself - it will only drive you insane.

 

And yes, I realize you were trying to analogize, but it doesn't really work. Our realtionship is pretty much like a romantic movie anyhow, so he has no need to be jealous of Hollywood. And there is no porn invloved!

So, why does he have no reason to be jealous of you lusting for men and romance, but you have every reason to be jealous of him "lusting" for women and sex? Porn is not even about that. Porn addiction might be about that. But you already said he is not addicted.

 

Romantic movies are well known to be ultra realistic . Relationships in the real world don't work like that - because movies like that are as unrealistic storywise as porn flics. Why are you unwilling to admit to that fact? And of course every man likes romantic movies, and relationships that emulate these unrealistic portrayals of what love should be.

We all know that the romantic ideal is timeless It is not. It is a cultural invention, probably starting around the 13th or 14th century AD. You could also see Romeo and Julliet as a lesson in changing social conventions and ideals.

 

If you have a hard time dealing with porn, break up with him, or address your issues. You are being highly unfair to him, which only would be matched, if he had a direct say in everything you should be allowed to do. And I don't see that happening, nor would it be even close to healthy if it were.

[noclobber]

I recently found the most wonderful guy, and we've been dating for a month and a bit. Our relationship is nothing short of perfect, except for one issue--pornography. We don't agree at all. He wants to watch it, and thinks nothing of it, and doesn't seem to understand why it hurts me. He tells me I am the most beautiful girl he has ever seen, and the only girls he needs, but why, then, does he need naked girls on his computer screen?

 

A lot of people tell me it's healthy for a guy to watch pornography in realtionships, to be turned on by these other women. But to me, it's just the same as voyeurism--which my boyfriend absolutely opposes.

 

Basically, I don't see how I am supposed to be fine with my boyfriend being aroused by women with fake tans, plastic surgery, and too much makeup. I don't want this to become a big issue, because our relationship is perfect otherwise.

 

I am a guy and in my opinion u r feelings are justified! It's okay for guys to watch porn or naked women when they r single but i don't see the necessity for it when they have a girlfriend. beats me!! May be ur guy is not "getting enough" from you? do u guys have sex on a regular basis? if u do and if he still watches porn then i would say that it's a red flag. Unbelievable as it is, pornography can be a deadly addiction. I am not kidding.. its been dubbed the crack cocaine of the new millenium. Wake up and talk things out with him before it gets nasty.

[d'Arthez]

I am a guy and in my opinion u r feelings are justified! It's okay for guys to watch porn or naked women when they r single but i don't see the necessity for it when they have a girlfriend.

It is not a necessity when you are single either.

 

There is a difference between watching a porn, or getting an escort service. I think anyone agrees here. And only few men or women would not consider it cheating if you got are involved in a monogamous relationship, and still use the services of an escort.

However, if thoughts also count as cheating, every man or woman, has a reasonable ground to demand divorce on the basis of alienation of affection, and what not. Even though it is wide open for debate if 24/7 total worship of a partner is attainable.

 

Porn is not real. Just as any Hollywood movie, especially those romantic ones. Should single women be allowed to watch those, but not when they are in committed relationships, if their bf requires the similar feat? That would suddenly make sense .

[Outcast]

I am not kidding.. its been dubbed the crack cocaine of the new millenium

 

No it hasn't. You may be a guy, noclobber, but I suspect you're a very young one. Grownups use all their consonants and vowels.

[glittergurl]

I still don't understand why it's such a big deal. He already told you you're his one and only, I don't think he's neglecting or abusing you, is he? No. So get over yourself. The only thing you'll achieve by bringing it up and stressing about it will be a break up. Soon he'll get fed up with the pointless drama, and he'll go find a nicer girl who won't control him so much. And then you'll say "I knew it; it's because of that nasty porn"

 

I don't think you'll ever be able to stop a guy who likes porn from watching it. And it sounds like you're not even wanting to TRY to open your mind about it a little and TRY to understand him.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Craig: Right this very minute, I asked five of my guy friends in realtionships over MSN if they fantasize about having sex with other women. Every one of them said no. But I guess they're the only five in the whole world who feel that way, right?

 

noclobber: We've not been going out for very long. We're not having sex at all. But he is okay with this, he is willing to wait, because he's had other relationships ruined by sex.

 

d'Arthez: The difference between a Hollywood movie and porn is that when I'm watching Hollywood movie, I think "aww, our relationship is just like this, isn't that wonderful?" Whereas when he's watching porn, he...obviously has very different thoughts.

 

glittergurl: "Get over myself?" Sorry, I'm not middle-aged or unattractive, I'm not going to settle. If he has problems with me having problems with him watching porn, he can break up with me. And he's obviously not breaking up with me for a reason. There's much more to a relationship than sex and porn.

[Outcast]

I asked five of my guy friends in realtionships over MSN if they fantasize about having sex with other women. Every one of them said no. But I guess they're the only five in the whole world who feel that way, right?

 

Right. And you really think they'd tell you the truth? You think this intolerant attitude isn't oozing out of your pores? They knew better than to give you an answer you wouldn't want. Besides, half of them probably want to get into your pants so will say anything to make themselves out to be better than the guy you have.

[Art_Critic]

Craig: Right this very minute, I asked five of my guy friends in realtionships over MSN if they fantasize about having sex with other women. Every one of them said no. But I guess they're the only five in the whole world who feel that way, right?

 

YEP.. Are they straight ???

 

You fighting the whole concept here.. You need to sit him down and work this out instead of debating whether men watch porn or not on LS..

 

WE DO !!!!!

 

Sit him down and tell him how your feel and if he doesn't respect your feelings.. then consider breaking up if you can handle his decisions

 

Debating this issue on LS is futile in your postition as you are not a guy..

[Outcast]

and if he doesn't respect your feelings..

 

And if you don't respect his privacy.

[SmoochieFace]

YEP.. Are they straight ???

 

You fighting the whole concept here.. You need to sit him down and work this out instead of debating whether men watch porn or not on LS..

 

WE DO !!!!!

 

Sit him down and tell him how your feel and if he doesn't respect your feelings.. then consider breaking up if you can handle his decisions

 

Debating this issue on LS is futile in your postition as you are not a guy..

 

 

You're talking right out your ass, AC... your av proves it.

 

Not EVERY guy watches porn... I have no reason to as I am involved with a woman. Quit assuming that everybody does what YOU do... god, you're just like Alpha!

[d'Arthez]

d'Arthez: The difference between a Hollywood movie and porn is that when I'm watching Hollywood movie, I think "aww, our relationship is just like this, isn't that wonderful?" Whereas when he's watching porn, he...obviously has very different thoughts.

And when he is watching he thinks the same thing about the Hollywood movie, as you do? Sure ...

 

Not to mention that the whole romantic imagery of Hollywood is completely false.

[Art_Critic]

You're talking right out your ass, AC... your av proves it.

 

Not EVERY guy watches porn... I have no reason to as I am involved with a woman. Quit assuming that everybody does what YOU do... god, you're just like Alpha!

 

you are right that not 100% watch porn.. But 100% also don't watch porn either.

 

I work around 25 guys.. they all watch porn...

me included.. every girlfriend I've ever had including my wife watches porn..

 

It's the world we live in..

 

I'm telling her to sit him down and talk to him about it.. Do you not think she should do that SF ?

[SmoochieFace]

you are right that not 100% watch porn.. But 100% also don't watch porn either.

 

 

:lmao:

 

I think you're brain is fried as this doesn't make any sense whatsoever. What's the matter... seeing too many cocks and c**ts on the TV screen lately?

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Outcast: They are all in relationships, and happy relationships, it seems (well, four of them, at least). They definitely don't want in my pants

 

Art Critic: I know a lot of girls can accept their boyfriend watching porn, but there are also some that can't. And if my boyfriend can't accept that, he's very free to break up with me.

[d'Arthez]

You have the issue, so he should break up with you, over no issue (from his point of view)? Makes perfect sense.

[Outcast]

Outcast: They are all in relationships, and happy relationships, it seems (well, four of them, at least).

 

Oh yeah and you think they'll tell you they fantasize about women so you can blab it to their gfs? NOT

 

if my boyfriend can't accept that, he's very free to break up with me.

 

Most people hope to be with reasonable, open-minded, logical partners. Your bf deserves no less.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

SmoochieFace: Did you watch porn before you were with your girlfriend?

[Outcast]

Well apparently you only posted to find people to tell you you're right. Having not found universal agreement, you still intend to believe what you intend to believe whether or not it reflects reality. In short, you insist on clinging to your insecurity and jealousy rather than learning to lose them in order to have a great guy. Your loss. Insecurity and jealousy make wonderful companions when you're sick or sad or old.

[SmoochieFace]

SmoochieFace: Did you watch porn before you were with your girlfriend?

 

 

Yeah, way back while I was in HS, back when I was a virgin. I had to learn how it was done. So, for me, it was strictly an educational experience.

 

I haven't had any use for porn since 1989 when I became a *non-virgin*.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

It's refreshing to know that pornography plays such a prominent role in all of your relationships that it's the sole characteristic you use in defining reason, logic, and open-mindedness in women.

 

If I die sick and sad and alone, I'll be sure to call you, since you will undoubtedly be sicker, sadder, and alone-er!

[SmoochieFace]

Well apparently you only posted to find people to tell you you're right. Having not found universal agreement, you still intend to believe what you intend to believe whether or not it reflects reality. In short, you insist on clinging to your insecurity and jealousy rather than learning to lose them in order to have a great guy. Your loss. Insecurity and jealousy make wonderful companions when you're sick or sad or old.

 

 

Oh, just quit your pontificating for God's sake! If 99% of the guys here (who seem to only think with their dicks anyway!) watch porn that does NOT make it *reality* in the *real world*!

 

And... just for you, Outcast here's a news bulletin from Fox 2... maybe the OP doesn't think that guys who watch porn are all that *great*!

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Hey, "everybody else is doing it, so it must be okay!" worked for the Nazis, so why not here?

[d'Arthez]

The issue is that OP cannot dic-tate (pun intended) how any guy should live, especially a guy she claims to love. And like it or not, she does not control him. She can only control herself.

 

A boyfriend is not a construction set, nor a robot you can program to like and dislike exactly what you want it to like and dislike.

 

Please, if this is so important for you, break up rather yesterday than today. The both of you will become highly miserable over this.

Because he does not see this as an issue (it is as much of an issue, as your natural hair color, which he might never get to know), and you cannot fathom the idea that porn is not about comparing the women in these things to you. It is more telling of how you see women, than how he sees women, IMHO.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

You don't seem to understand that he means a lot more to me then whether or not he watches pornography.

[SmoochieFace]

You don't seem to understand that he means a lot more to me then whether or not he watches pornography.

 

 

So is the porn a dealbreaker or not?