Pornography. I bet we've all heard that one before!

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Of course not. It just makes me less happy than I could be.

[d'Arthez]

I doubt that, to be honest.

Otherwise you would not have made such a big issue about this. Watching porn is not cheating. Watching George Clooney is not being in an emotional affair.

And likewise, do a study on physiology. And try to find proof for the idea that only the SO causes arousal in a person. Perhaps that would be the case for the Dalai Lama, but I doubt you are dating him.

 

Personally, I get the impression that 'perfect' often means "complying with my standards and wishes, no matter how irrational they are."

 

Of course not. It just makes me less happy than I could be.

And next thing you know, you will be complaining that he does not make $50M because that would make you happier. And what about him? Or does that not count? He could have been happier if ... <fill in the blanks>. Now would you do everything he could come up with, in order to make him happy?

 

He is too good to let go, but you would have no problem to nag him to death about your insecurity and issue you have with porn? From an earlier post. He should not:

just assume it's okay, becuse (like you said) society has let it become the norm.

Which is already a guilt trip of some sort.

For both your health then, let the both of you find someone else then. Because it will not work.

[SmoochieFace]

Of course not. It just makes me less happy than I could be.

 

 

So you would rather be with someone who isn't *making* you happy by watching porn instead of finding a man who shares your values?

 

Sounds like you're just *settling* here... and we all know that when you *settle* it eventually will not work out because... *drum roll*... YOU'RE NOT HAPPY!

[Craig]

Craig: Right this very minute, I asked five of my guy friends in realtionships over MSN if they fantasize about having sex with other women. Every one of them said no. But I guess they're the only five in the whole world who feel that way, right?

No, they probably want to get in your pants and know your POV on porn or they are worried that you will tell their gf's that they don't always think about them or if they are all in relationships they want to keep you around so if they find themselves single they can call you up for a date if you are single then too. Or they just value your friendship and don't want to subject a private aspect of their life to your disapproval

[glittergurl]

Oh, Chariot; you just said you actually never even have sex with him! And on top of that he can't watch porn? HAHAH :lmao:

 

Uhmm, good luck.

[SmoochieFace]

Oh, Chariot; you just said you actually never even have sex with him! And on top of that he can't watch porn? HAHAH :lmao:

 

Uhmm, good luck.

 

 

Guess Chariot wants a eunuch.

[makaze]

I'm just coming in to say that some generalizations here are a bit on the retarded side. I know guys who don't fantasize about other girls, who would have no reason whatsoever to lie to me.

 

Also, there's my bf that says he doesn't do "this" even though he knows very well that I wouldn't really get mad or surprised if it he did. He's quite honest when it comes to things and doesn't tend to sugarcoat stuff just to make me feel better. But he got so disappointed and shocked when I even so mentioned something as him fantasizing about other girls. Then I was like "Haha it's okay either way, let's not talk about it.." and he insisted on talking about it because he couldn't believe I could really think that about him.

[mymojo]

Well apparently you only posted to find people to tell you you're right. Having not found universal agreement, you still intend to believe what you intend to believe whether or not it reflects reality. In short, you insist on clinging to your insecurity and jealousy rather than learning to lose them in order to have a great guy. Your loss. Insecurity and jealousy make wonderful companions when you're sick or sad or old.

 

 

Yeah like we won't be all alone anyway when we're sick,sad or old as our partners will be in the den jerking it to porn and they'll make it out to be our fault for getting old or sick, so why not cut our losses early ?

[mymojo]

The parallel is jealousy - actually it's all part of jealousy. And jealousy is generally an unreasonable, unfair emotion. It accuses people of 'cheating' who would never dream of it. So for the person who holds the irrational belief based on no facts to demand that the person who is not doing the thing they're acused of stop doing the thing they're not doing is just unfair.

 

 

 

 

 

Bottom line is that this is about you being insecure and jealous and worrying that he likes them better than you.

 

 

Considering that many women here are upset because their sex lives are dwindling down to nothing I'd say it's pretty clear that a fair number of men do preferr porn to their g/friends or wives.There's nothing 'insecure" about noticing the truth.

[bradd789]

It might be that he just likes the ACT - as others have said here. I think you might be caught up in what the women look like. But its most likely not about the women in particular. Its the ACT. The domination, the surrender. The whole act. The same thing he surely likes about being with you.

 

Is he looking at hardcore stuff or like playboy pretty girl stuff? I even heard some women say they feel better if its hardcore, cause that's not about the looks per se, but the ACT.

[Outcast]

many women here are upset because their sex lives are dwindling down to nothing

 

And to them I say that they need to examine the relationship. You do realize that a lot of men complain about not getting sex, right? And that's usually because there's problems in the relationship. Well, the same goes for men - if there are problems in the relationship, they don't want sex with their wives but they will still masturbate and use porn to do it. Sadly, too many women refuse to believe that anything other than the porn is at fault.

 

Most women can't fathom the idea that they could actually be making their husbands unhappy but it happens and needs to be dealt with.

 

Bottom line is if you're not getting enough sex, it is vital to have a discussion about the entire relationship and possibly counselling. Stopping the porn does NOT repair the essential problem.

[filarena]

I think Chariot should be allowed to dislike porn if she wants. I personally don't see what's wrong with it, nor does my girlfriend who has expressed interest in watching it with me, but different strokes for different folks.

 

However...a guy is going to release himself. I imagine you don't mind him masterbating, you just don't want him to do it to porn. If you're expecting him not to get off in any way, you're going to be disappointed.

 

Maybe this is outside your comfort zone, but might I suggest giving him suggestive pictures of yourself? I don't even necessarily mean nude. Skimpy outfits work too. I still looked at porn, but I went from viewing it everytime I masterbated to less than half the time once my girlfriend gave me a handful of pictures of her, none nude. In several she is wearing sexy costumes, like a playboy bunny or a nurse.

 

What makes porn so appealing to men, IMO, is not that there's another woman to look at. It's just having a visual aid. Even when I look at porn, I think of my girlfriend. So even though pictures of her with clothes on might not excite someone who isn't dating her the way porn would, given my feelings for her, they do the trick for me.

 

I've also all but quit looking at porn since my girlfriend and I began having phone sex. Here there is no visual stimulation, but my imagination gets plenty workout. And imagining having sex with her, with at least some graphic description to help out, is far more appealing than looking at fake tans and implants. I imagine you'd probably object strongly to this, but I just thought I'd throw it out there.

 

I recommend you consider the suggestive photos option at least though, which I would be willing to guess you'd find less objectionable and might satisfy his desire for something to get his imagination going.