Wiseman2 Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 Try to refocus your energy on a few things. Your health and wellbeing. The health and wellbeing of your child. In the meantime update your CV and LinkedIn profile. Start browsing and applying to other jobs. Consult an attorney regarding your options in divorce. You don't have to divorce this minute, but with accurate information on where you stand with regard to severing finances as well as child support and custody could help you make better decisions and feel less trapped in this job and in your marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 You need to start looking for a new job. Unfortunately, he spotted your vulnerability and naivety a mile away and took full advantage of them. You lacked the apporpriate boundaries to say no. And now it's too much of a mess to continue. He doesn't want more with you and evidently never did. It's time to dust of your CV and take some accountability for your own choices. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 And this is why you NEVER get involved with anyone at work. ESPECIALLY your boss. It has become awkward in the office and we all warned you this would happen. You got used to the special treatment and now you're butthurt that he has stopped running around after you. You are now an employee and he will treat you as such. You are not special. You are just as much to blame for this awkwardness as he is. You are both married and you both should respect that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miniboo Posted June 16, 2023 Author Share Posted June 16, 2023 I cried because he lashed out due to work stress and even then I left the office. As I didn’t want to cry in front of him, but when I came back to the office I was still a little upset. I’m not hurt that’s he’s not chasing me, I’ told him this needs to to stop on so many occasions in the past literally day before we argued over the work. Also I am the type of person that doesn’t like to end things on a bad note, hence why I wanted to speak to him yesterday and ask if we can work professionally and admit that I was stressed with the work too. it feels awkward just working in silence with only him there, I wanted to clear the air and I know I was to blame also. also it’s just me and my colleague that work for him, we share the days between each other. she doesn’t know the extent of things between me and the boss, I’ve just told her snippets of it. I am not a type of person that would use this against him or inform his family, have enough of my own s*** to deal with. at the moment I’m focusing on myself, back at the gym, getting my child into tutoring. yesterday I was hurt, won’t lie, regarding the way he spoke to me when he left. guess I was harsh when we argued and did say I no longer want a friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 Just quit! You are participating in a toxic atmosphere. I get not do the work (in the meantime) and avoid even interacting with him. As in NOTHING. But best way is to quit now - keep looking for new work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 I would think "just quitting" is only a good idea if you're financially independent. However, you could consider looking for another job and leaving once you have one established. While workplace relationships are common, there are also many people who won't get involved with co-workers. And it's for reasons just like what you're experiencing - it can get awkward (and, actually, sometimes a lot worse than just awkward) if the relationship breaks down and things start to get "acrimonious" etc. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted June 19, 2023 Share Posted June 19, 2023 On 6/16/2023 at 11:04 PM, Miniboo said: yesterday I was hurt, won’t lie, regarding the way he spoke to me when he left. Well you are supposed to leave at your allocated finishing time. Like I said, you got use to the special treatment which has now ended. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 19, 2023 Share Posted June 19, 2023 On 6/16/2023 at 6:04 PM, Miniboo said: I cried because he lashed out due to work stress and even then I left the office. Is this how you normally handle work stress at previous jobs? Link to post Share on other sites
JakeT Posted July 9, 2023 Share Posted July 9, 2023 Sorry i just don’t get it. You know your boss is up to no good. You don’t want this “ relationship “. So why just not tell yoir boss off. Telll him to stop Or you will go to HR. Or sue his rear. You are an adult worker, you will be treated with respect. And stop the hand holding and leg touching. Just stop the game playing, if he fires you, then sue Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted August 5, 2023 Share Posted August 5, 2023 (edited) On 5/13/2023 at 8:43 PM, Miniboo said: Right now mentally I’m not strong to leave and financially not secure. i know there is help available for single women, but I know I’m not in the right mind at the moment. I don’t mind compromising for my son, I have for so long , yeah I fake it half the time and it’s taken it’s toll on me physically and mentally. what if I leave him and I come across another man who will see my vulnerability like my boss. For some reason, I thought my boss really genuinely likes me, I can see it in his eyes, I know I probably come across crazy. but I just know, the affection and care he shows me. It all can’t be fake. Gives me advice on all aspects of my life, doesn’t like it when I am talking to another male , yeah that is a bit possessive. But after finding out the truth I feel so miserable and I’m looking for a different job. I just think it’s best he’s out of my life, but I feel sick as I’m so attached to him. I am sorry to hear of your situation. I am sure a lot of what your boss said was true, that you are attractive and interesting. You deserve better than what you are experiencing at the moment. A guy like him can be a mixture of things - nice, apparently loving, yet exploitative and a sleaze at the same time. Yes, it is emotionally confusing. The fundamental person in him is the sleaze: he is married and having an affair with you, he has tried this on with others, he may even have been formally accused of sexual harassment in the past (he's not going to tell you this, after all). I think you are right to look for another job. I hope you get a chance to leave your husband because he is not kind and loving to you. You do not love him anymore. Explore your options by taking legal advice but do not tell your husband. As regards trusting any other man in the future, you are learning a big lesson here. You will know what to look for in future. Do not allow sleazy behaviour or anyone to rush you into sex - that should filter out quite a few sleazes or those who are only looking for sex (no guarantees of course). Observe any new guy's behaviour - how he treats you, how he treats others, what others think of him (are they relaxed with him or wary and uneasy?). Feeling vulnerable does not necessarily mean a guy will exploit you because you are the gatekeeper to the kind of guy you choose to trust. You are learning all the time and are learning about your strengths as well as weaknesses. You have coped with your husband leaving, looking after a child on your own, and dealing with a new job. Once you get into a different job, away from the sleaze, you will be on the up and up. We do learn the hard way but from now on things can change for you. Emotional upset is often a result of hurt and confusion. When you have processed this and the clouds clear, you will find your hidden strength inside Edited August 5, 2023 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
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