Is the AP back?

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, throwaway88671 said:

. I am confronting him tomorrow night. That call that i saw seemed to last for seconds so either he gave up or she declined.

If your husband is cheating, he can communicate with her any number of ways. He can get any number of different apps and burner phones and numbers. Checking his phone won't prove or disprove that he's still cheating.

Do they see each other in person?  Are you going through his phone? Are you attending marriage therapy? 

 

Edited June 19, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
merged thread

[JTSW]

If he has made contact and you have the proof then that's it.

Tell him he had his chance and he blew it. 

[semble]

On 6/19/2023 at 10:36 AM, throwaway88671 said:

I want to say to him that if it was over, her contact wouldnt be in his phone - please tell me this makes sense. I dont want to be gas lit and i feel like im gas lighting myself.

No it doesn't make sense to confront him and say if it was over her contact wouldn't be in his phone.

It doesn't make sense to say anything to him other than what relates directly to the pending divorce that you will now file for, and matters related to the household and the children.

Since you clearly realize that all he will do is gaslight, deflect, and outright lie, there's no point in any sort of confrontation.

When he gets the divorce papers he'll figure it out.

 

 

[basil67]

I agree that his phone proves nothing.  

That said, the fact that you haven't been able to regain trust after his affair is a good enough reason on it's own to end the marriage.  You don't need to justify your decision to him.

[S2B]

You have this wrong - when you say “we” are rebuilding trust. It’s not yours to do - it’s only his to earn that trust back for you.

and he hasn’t. So that is it. His actions ruined his chance when he called her again.

stop putting in the work and consider divorcing him. He’s disrespecting you and you can’t trust him at all.

so tell him he ruined the marriage and you deserve better. Then file and be done with this cheater that hasn’t changed.

[Will am I]

I find 5 months not a very long time to recover from an affair.

It's probably enough time to make the initial choice between filing for divorce and giving the marriage another chance. But recovery also involves doing a lot of work individually and as a couple and no way that's done in five months. 

 

About your discovery of the number in his phone: I do not trust his statement.

When you delete a number on an iPhone, sync will remove the number from the iCloud backup too. The only way I can imagine an old number coming back is when the phone is reset and subsequentyly restored from an outdated backup.

 

Does he have automatic backups on? (open the iPhone and go to Settings > iCloud > iCloud Backup > "back up this iPhone" and "back up over mobile data")

What's the date of the current backup? ( Settings > iCloud > iCloud Backup > All device backups > This iPhone)

 

I think backup over mobile data is disabled by default. In cases when people have been without proper WiFi the backup can lag behind. Also if the iCloud storage is full it can fail to backup and cause the backup be be lagged behind. But in both cases the deletednumber only comes back when he's reset the phone and restored from the lagging backup.

 

 

 

 

[Littlepuppet]

On 6/19/2023 at 4:36 PM, throwaway88671 said:

Hola a todos: hace un mes más o menos publicado sobre cómo encontrar los datos de contacto de AP de mi esposo en su teléfono. Dije que no vi evidencia de contacto.

 

Trató de contactarla. Sé que las llamadas se pueden eliminar, así que no puedo decir con certeza si solo ha sido esta vez. Me enfrentaré a él mañana por la noche. Esa llamada que vi pareció durar unos segundos, así que él se dio por vencido o ella se negó.

 

Quiero decirle que si todo hubiera terminado, su contacto no estaría en su teléfono. Por favor, dime que esto tiene sentido. No quiero que me enciendan gas y siento que me estoy encendiendo gas.

 

On 5/15/2023 at 12:55 PM, throwaway88671 said:

Hola a todos. Disculpas si este no es el subtítulo correcto para publicar, es la primera vez que publico. El Día D fue en enero: descubrió que su esposo al menos estaba teniendo una aventura sentimental (los mensajes de texto confirmaron que había sido físico). Lo hablamos como adultos, pensé que lo estábamos haciendo mejor. Acabo de comprar una casa, etc.

Solo quiero comenzar con esto diciendo que no estaba husmeando en su teléfono: fui a su teléfono para obtener un número de un mensaje y allí estaba ella. No hay mensajes, pero ella estaba en sus contactos. desbloqueado y claramente no borrado.

 

Lo confronté. Dijo que debe haber sido por una sincronización (tiene un iPhone). Me parece difícil de creer, ya que entendí que si eliminas de tu teléfono, ¿se elimina de la nube? Además, dentro de cuatro meses seguramente habría notado que ella estaba en su teléfono y la habría eliminado o bloqueado.

 

Disculpas por decir todo esto en voz alta, solo necesito escuchar un poco de cordura.

 

Disculpas por haber visto esta publicación anteriormente, publiqué en otro sub esta mañana, pero creo que fue la incorrecta.

Hello throwaway88671 and forum. New here.
My wife cheated on me with that too.
She vowed to close and remove the contact.
A week later I saw that I was not in the list of blocked contacts of Whats App (Android).
But what infuriated me the most was his answer: "I already deleted it, how do you do it?"... And it turns out that in his list of blocked contacts there were 15 NUMBERS!!!
Obviously I came back and I'm still in the "180º"
The emotional hook, obsession, limerence is very strong.