Taking long time to fall in love?

[E90Kitz721]

I apologize that this is long, but I'd really appreciate honest feedback.

 

My bf and I live about 5hrs away and we see each other about every 3 weeks. We've always gotten along; he's very smart, sweet and caring, and has many of the qualifites I look for.

 

It's our 1st anniversary at the end of this week. I'm going up to visit and we had plans to go out of town and spend a day there. This past weekend we had a talk, and he said it boggles him that it's been a year and we aren't in love yet, as in we still haven't "said the words", whereas with his past relationship, the longest it took him to fall in love was 8months. But I also found out that most of the time his exes said I love you first and he said it back. It's always been this way for me too.

 

He said I don't seem very enthusiastic about our relationship, especially when it comes to topics like me planning to move closer to pursue grad degree and being closer to him, while he has 1.5yrs to go before he finishes school. He said he doesn't want me to move up just for him if we're not in the love stage yet because he doesn't want to be responsible for me being unhappy about my decision. But sometimes I just want some positive reinforcement from him and reassures me that everything will work out!

 

I'm confused because he's not the type to be very straightforward with how he feels. I can tell from his actions that he does have a lot of feelings for me. We said we can both see each other in the future and he often tells me and his friends that I'm the best girlfriend he's ever had. We were able to talk through our disagreements without raising voice, and we make each other happy. It just seems like everything that translates into love is there, except the actual words.

 

I know I can't force it if he really doesn't feel love, but at the same time, because we've both taken on the passive role in our past relationships, I wonder if he's just not admitting to it because he thinks I'm not at that point yet. And for the past 2months, I've been wanting to tell him I love him but it never came out because I'm afraid he doesn't feel that way. After the last conversation, I'm even more nervous to say it, also since I've never had to say it first. Then yesterday he also said his feelings for me hasn't really progressed in the past 9months. How could he say that when his actions spoke way louder than words? Ex. He spent 4weeks making me my birthday present just couple of months ago, and he said he's never done it for anybody.

 

I know it would make my plans to move up so much more exciting if he can be more open, and I know I need to work on being more open too. But do you think it really helps for me to express my true feelings? It puts me in a very vulnerable position, and would that open him up or scare him away?

 

I have faith that we can work out in the long run, and moving up is a necessary step to take the relationship to the next level. But I'm looking for some reassurance from him and it's so hard to get. What do I do?

[Majik45]

Just take a gamble and say it. Take a risk. Too many times people are so afraid of being rejected that they miss out on something great.

 

My fiancee and I were in an LDR about 3 hours away from each other. We had been talking for quite a while, and been dating and exclusive for a couple months. When she came up for my b-day, we had a great weekend. As she's getting ready to leave, she asks me what I'm thinking and I go for it and tell her I think I'm falling in love with her. She freaked out a little, and told me she wasn't ready to say it back. I was OK with that though because it's how I felt, and I wanted to get it out on the table cause life is too short. When she found a gift I had hidden in her car when she got home, she realized that she loved me too. She told me the next day on the phone. We're happily engaged even though our distance has gone from 3 hours to half way around the world (she's currently in China) for 10 months. I can't wait till she's back and we can start our life together.