Why did she message me?

[Lowkey7]

She [F28] reached out to me[M29] after saying she’s not interested? Why would she message me after making her intentions clear and pretty much dropping me like I was nothing.

We spent a lot of time together, my intention was marriage but she wasn’t ready to commit and wasn’t really interested in me even though I was very good to her. Been 3/4 weeks, today she just randomly messages me what you doing? I responded with few mins ‘just woke up, why what’s up?’ She hasn’t responded or read my message for 6 hours until now she just responded saying ‘just checking in’ 

What does this even mean? I’m so confused, does she miss me? Is she actually starting to value and appreciate me?

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

She [F28] reached out to me[M29] after saying she’s not interested? Why would she message me after making her intentions clear 

She seems flaky. Don't fall for breadcrumbs. If she were sincerely interested, she would make an effort. Perhaps it's time to delete and block her if all she's offering is background noise. Is this the same woman?:

 

[Lowkey7]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

She seems flaky. Don't fall for breadcrumbs. If she were sincerely interested, she would make an effort. Perhaps it's time to delete and block her if all she's offering is background noise. Is this the same woman?:

 

Yep same girl unfortunatley 

[Lotsgoingon]

This kind of message should be ignored. Who cares what she means? The only thing that matters is if she comes out and directly says she has changed her mind about dating and possibly marrying you. 

Until you hear that, you don't care what she says or why she's telling you hello. 

Now, I'll give you what is probably the answer to your question, but it is an irrelevant answer. She had a moment of thinking fondly of you. But it was not a powerful moment and she had mixed feelings and so she reached out to see just to see what would happen, what would happen in her mind. When you responded, she retreated back to her previous position that she doesn't want to be with you. 

Partners do often miss their ex, even when they "rejected" the ex. Might be for a moment or for a few seconds. But until she says directly to you that she has changed her mind and wants you back, anything she says is to be ignored and deleted. And even if she were to tell you she has changed her mind, you still want to take some moments to think carefully about whether you really want to get back with this person. 

[glows]

Guilty here. I’ve done this but not intentionally knowing the other person still had feelings. Just move on. She likely was just curious and wanted to say hi/check in or whatever. It doesn’t mean anything if she’s not actively in your life and has said she’s not wanting to date you.

[basil67]

Guilty here too...it was just about saying Hi and seeing how they are doing.

And unlike @glows I actually knew he still cared, but I was completely oblivious to how confusing my actions were.  If you're finding this confusing, please tell her that being in contact isn't helping you move on.

[ExpatInItaly]

She was probably bored or looking for some attention. 

Don't respond to messages like that in the future. It's still a dead-end. 

[Lowkey7]

I just realised she’s blocked my number and me on WhatsApp.. wtf.. does enjoy causing me pain and heartache? 😔 I’ve literally not bothered messaging or calling her at all once we parted ways, why would she message me asking what I’m doing if she’s blocked my number ugh 

[ShyViolet]

This woman has already told you she wasn't interested in you.  Why would you think six generic words that she texted to you... ("what you doing", "just checking in") suddenly means that she misses you and is interested in you now?  It doesn't change anything.  She probably just texted you because she was bored.  Honestly, who cares what it means beyond that.  Listen to what she has told you in the beginning.... she is not interested in you.  Proceed accordingly and stop wasting your time with this.

[Ageless Wisdom23]

Perhaps she feels guilty and just prefers for Now, Friendship.  If you feel it's going to be hard to form that Friendship, Stay clear.😶

[Alpacalia]

I don't know.

I generally choose to direct my attention towards individuals whom I find attractive and captivating, which is why I tend to refrain from messaging men who don't pique my interest.

Maybe she's just being friendly. Maybe she's trying to get your attention and see if you're still interested in her. It doesn't matter why she's doing it. People are weird.

[glows]

On 5/29/2023 at 6:38 AM, Lowkey7 said:

I just realised she’s blocked my number and me on WhatsApp.. wtf.. does enjoy causing me pain and heartache? 😔 I’ve literally not bothered messaging or calling her at all once we parted ways, why would she message me asking what I’m doing if she’s blocked my number ugh 

Not sure here. I don’t use WhatsApp, can’t stand that thing but have it to read. I skim chats once a week and I can’t exit the groups, need to be there.

Just block her number on your cell. Doesn’t that take care of everything? Am I missing something? 

[Wiseman2]

On 5/29/2023 at 9:38 AM, Lowkey7 said:

.. does enjoy causing me pain and heartache? 😔 

She's oblivious. Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Who needs this static?  Breadcrumbs and staying friends and all that is a headache you don't need.

[La.Primavera]

My take on the situation is that you are dealing with someone who is insecure and lonely.  Reading your other posts, she also sounds emotionally avoidant. 

Regarding the recent contact, I suspect she reached out to you for some attention because she needed a bit of validation.  Your lukewarm response triggered her insecurity and made her realize how foolish she was being by reaching out to you.  Hence, why she blocked you.  Not that different to her reaction to you ending things with her a few months ago.  She shuts down when she feels uncomfortable or rejected.  It's automatic, self-preservation of someone who insecure.

I know it is tough on you because you care about her, but the fact is, even if your feelings were reciprocated to the same extent, she would probably still be pulling this hot/cold behavior whenever she felt vulnerable.  She's too insecure and guarded to let you in.  Those kinds of relationships are exhausting and frustrating.  The cycle doesn't end.

Given her track record, I suspect she will probably unblock you at some point and reach out to continue the dysfunctional cycle.

For your sake, I hope you have moved on by then.  This is not good relationship/wife material.

[justwhoiam]

I'm thinking: are you sure she left you and it wasn't you leaving her? Because if it's the latter, she never had anything against you in the first place. It's (always?) been you complaining. Have you wondered how much the long distance factor affected the relationship? And besides complaining about her lack of drive towards you, how can you be seriously attracted to a girl at 29, date her for months and not initiate any sexual activity?

Is she missing you? Very likely so.

Does she like you? Very likely so, otherwise she wouldn't have dated you, right?

What are your expectations? Why did you feel she didn't value you? Why did you feel it was one sided? And how were you expressing your love and being head over heels for her when you were never intimate?