lin_ette Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 Hi; i hope there a person who understands a lot about relationships as i really need ones advice.. i do not even know where to begin, OK it all started with the break-up...this was due to my possessiveness and paranoia that led to him to break up with me, we were together for 2 1/2 years and we loved each other dearly, his phone would be switched off or number engaged for more than an hour that led me to think he must be getting up to no good, etc... anyways we broke up on Valentines day (2002), it was his decision... a few weeks after that he bumped into his ex, one thing led to another he never meant to get her pregnant but it happened they are now parents to a baby boy who is now 3 years old. He made it clear that just because he was having a baby with her he will not get back with her etc... I on the other hand was on a rebound!i met a guy whilst studying at uni we were together and then at the same time me and my ex gave it another shot, i was begging him to come back despite knowing he was going to be a father to another girl, yes it broke my heart but i told him that will not put me off, that will not stop me from loving him or wanting to be with him. So now, i out myself in the situation i could not get myself out of, i was seeing too guys at the same time, till this day i should have got rid of the uni guy and concentrated on the relationship i had with my ex, i suppose i was looking at it in a back-up situation, where if me and my ex did not work out i would have someone to fall back on... it was the last day of uni my and my friends inc my uni boyfriend went out to celebrate, my ex was phoning etc but could not get hold of me, he went to wait for me to return home in the middle of the night, i came home drank with my uni b/friend my ex caught me coming out the cab with him and clinging on to him as i was soooo drunk(so stupid!!!) that was it, thats was the night i ripped his heart out his chest, the night i took away his pride......i later got rid of my uni b/friend, and my ex stillw anted to be with me putting the cheating behind him...it was difficult for him, he was going to be a dad to a girl he did not love, know, care about or did not even want to be with, and he found his one true love cheating on him, so i supoose you can imagine how difficult it must have been for him, he did not have even have his family or close friends to talk to. he suffered on his own.... his son was born we split for good (thats was 3years ago) what possessed me to get in contact with him this year (2005) i still do not know, we having been talking, texting and emailing each other for a good couple of months now and it has been good, we have met for drinks a few times too. I WANT HIM BACK BADLY, he does not care, his baby boy is his best achievement in his life, no other woman who comes along will ever change that..he will never trust again because of me, he will never love again because of me, he will never, never get back with me, he says he has no feelings, he says he has no heart, he says he forgave me but hasn't forgotten of that night he caught me, he says if he hadn't had waited out side my house that night we PROBABLY would have still been together till this day. We met fora drink one time, there was still an amazing attraction between us that night, my luagh and joked and giggled, we reminissed, we talked about past present and future plans. i have become very confused...he says we have to soon stop these converstions we have etc, but he would've ended it by now, surely???right? Please can someone advice me with this..... tell me what you make of all this. he would like one night of passion with me but i want us back together again. helpppppppppppp!!! Lin:( Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 Hi Lin, my possessiveness and paranoia... his phone would be switched off or number engaged for more than an hour that led me to think he must be getting up to no good, etc... Awww, honey. Do you think you need to work a little on anxiety issues? he will never trust again because of me, he will never love again because of me, he will never, never get back with me You behaved badly, I agree. But to me it sounds like he is still punishing you. Or you are punishing yourself. Or both. Be very careful of this guy - I think you're getting very clear red flags for any possible relationship here. He still sounds very hurt. And he and you seem to be collaborating in annihilating your self-esteem. The thing is not to wallow in your feelings of miserable worthlessness - instead, you should do something to change the circumstances that let to your bad behaviour. Don't flog yourself for not being a better person. Instead, start working to become a better person. Maybe he'll see this change in you and you'll get back together. Probably he won't. I'm sorry. But it will give you something constructive to do. And either way, a better chance of happiness in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate_boy Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 Yeah she did behaive badly, but the way I see it, if someone really loves you, they do forgive you. Link to post Share on other sites
mini696 Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 I totally agree with Romeo. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 I'm a bit confused. Only three weeks after ending a two year relationship with you (after accusing you of being paranoid and possessive), he's out humping the old ex girlfriend and knocks her up. So while waiting for this other girl to give birth to his child, he's already skipped out on that relationship and is trying to hook back up with you. He sees you getting out the cab with some other guy and freaks. AGAIN you except all the blame for his misery and discontent. And now years later, you're still on this perpetual guilt trip he's put you on, groveling for his forgiveness. ..he will never trust again because of me, he will never love again because of me, … So now who's being paranoid? Look, you are not to blame for this guys issues. He had them way before the cab incident. I would have chalked it up to youth and immaturity, but it seems that years later he still hasn't grown up very much. he says he has no feelings, he says he has no heart, Well, I believe that one. Not because he refuses to get back with you, but because he continues to string you along so he can keep on punishing you. And mostly because of this fuzzy little sentiment: ...it was difficult for him, he was going to be a dad to a girl he did not love, know, care about or did not even want to be with. Wow. What a real sweet heart this guy is. And as far as not "knowing" the mother of his child --- he did. According to you, she was an ex girlfriend who was conveniently used as a rebound booty call, then tossed aside for the other ex girlfriend because this a$$clown couldn't figure out what he wanted. Girl, this guy you're hooked on is bad news. He sounds like your classic Drama King "blamer." Someone who would rather scapegoat the rest of the world and everyone in it for his problems rather than accepting responsibility or accountability for his own irresponsible behavior. These kind of people are miserable and depressing to be around. He'll drag you down and use you as his whipping post every time something doesn't go his way. These emotional vampires will drain you of your self esteem, twist your mind and suck the very life out of you. You'll end up helplessly co-dependant, trying desperately to seek his approval and acceptance and none will be given. As a matter of fact, it sounds as if you're already there. For your own sake … Let go and move on! Link to post Share on other sites
downcydeguy Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 Enigma, Don't give this girl all the accolades here. Did you not read the part about HER dating 2 guys at the same time? They are BOTH the blame for this whole mess. I think you both need to do a reality check on yourselves before jumping into a relationship for a 3rd (or more?) time. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted November 9, 2005 Share Posted November 9, 2005 Did you not read the part about HER dating 2 guys at the same time? They are BOTH the blame for this whole mess. Yeah. I got that part. But this guy broke up with her and went off to make a baby with his ex. I can't fault her for dating someone else after her boyfriend broke up with her. I do feel sorry for the guy she strung along while testing the waters with the guy she wasn't quite over yet, but at least she accepts responsibility for her part in this. The problem is, she seems to be taking the blame for her ex boyfriend's crazy behavior as well. How come he's allowed to feel all hurt and betrayed because she was seeing someone else, but she's not entitled to feel the same when he goes off and gets his ex girlfriend pregnant. (???) Again, it seems to be all about Him, Him, Him. They are BOTH the blame for this whole mess. I think you both need to do a reality check on yourselves before jumping into a relationship for a 3rd (or more?) time. I agree. And since nothing seems to have changed between them in all these years, I worry that their getting back together for a third time would be suicidal. And now there's the child and his mother (the ex girlfriend) that she will also have to welcome into her life. Link to post Share on other sites
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