Eve Posted July 3, 2001 Share Posted July 3, 2001 I've been in a relationship for 5 years and we have a child. We are happy together and have a good relationship. We aren't married, but I would like to be. I would think after 5 years, that would be enough time to know if you want to marry someone. We haven't really talked much about it. He's been married in the past and it wasn't a great marriage. I'm just kinda wondering what guys think in that category (I know men are different). I know most would say to talk to him, but how do I bring it up " how was your day at work, by the way do you think about marriage with me". Should I wait till something comes up about marriage? Or should I just wait to see what happens? Any advice would be great, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Ashesmum Posted July 3, 2001 Share Posted July 3, 2001 Men's thinking process vary. I would think that after that period of time he would know somewhat his ideas on marriage are. As for how to bring it up, I'm not sure. I have been in a relationship for 4 years and we have a child too. We aren't married, but we haven't really talked about it too much either. Guess I'm more in the waiting to see what happens side. Good luck. I've been in a relationship for 5 years and we have a child. We are happy together and have a good relationship. We aren't married, but I would like to be. I would think after 5 years, that would be enough time to know if you want to marry someone. We haven't really talked much about it. He's been married in the past and it wasn't a great marriage. I'm just kinda wondering what guys think in that category (I know men are different). I know most would say to talk to him, but how do I bring it up " how was your day at work, by the way do you think about marriage with me". Should I wait till something comes up about marriage? Or should I just wait to see what happens? Any advice would be great, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Maniacal Rationalizer Posted July 3, 2001 Share Posted July 3, 2001 Everyone person is different. This isn't a male or female issue, but a personal one. I pass no judgement on you, but I find it interesting that you have had a five year relationship and a child with this man and the both of you have not yet brought up the topic of marriage. If you wanted to be married shouldn't you have discussed this before having a child? If you are not comfortable speaking to your boyfriend about this then something is wrong. A marriage is not going to survive without communication and you cannot even communicate how you feel. If you wait and see what happens then you may be waiting a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted July 4, 2001 Share Posted July 4, 2001 I'm wondering the same thing maniacal R. was asking. If you have been dating this guy for 5 years, you have a child with him, and you don't know how to bring up the topic of marriage with him, then you are with the WRONG person! And on top of that, your communication with him SUCKS. By now, you should be able to talk to him about ANYTHING and everything. I just don't understand why you're having difficulty talking to him about it. You were close enough to him to let him penetrate his penis into your vagina! That is pretty damn close. You were so close that you even let him impregnate you. You can do all that and yet be uncertain about asking him about something so important? If I've been with a guy for 5 years and I realize that I can't even communicate with him, that I'm afraid to even ask him one simple question, I would not waste one more day with him, and would get out of that relationship ASAP. So either leave him, or ask him right now where he stands on this topic. And if he says he doesn't want to marry you, and you do, then again, he's not the right person for you. I wish people discussed these things BEFORE they went ahead and had a child. I've been in a relationship for 5 years and we have a child. We are happy together and have a good relationship. We aren't married, but I would like to be. I would think after 5 years, that would be enough time to know if you want to marry someone. We haven't really talked much about it. He's been married in the past and it wasn't a great marriage. I'm just kinda wondering what guys think in that category (I know men are different). I know most would say to talk to him, but how do I bring it up " how was your day at work, by the way do you think about marriage with me". Should I wait till something comes up about marriage? Or should I just wait to see what happens? Any advice would be great, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted July 6, 2001 Share Posted July 6, 2001 If you had read my comments, I never said I was afraid to talk to my man. I never said I have problems communicating with him either. I said it wasn't that big a thing and asked how should I bring it up. I'm not in a hurry, I just wanted some ideas on if people thought 5 years was enough time to know if you wanted to marry someone. As for being close enough, yeah we're close doesn't mean I hide things cause I'm afraid to talk to him. It's not like our relationship is going anywhere (it's not dissipating). We talk about everything cause we are that close, this just popped in my head recently. And as YOU thinking you should talk about marriage before having a child, how many do you have? Is it still with that first man? You happily married? Doesn't matter if we had a child before we got married, we already know we'll be together forever. Doesn't mean we have to have a marriage license to do that. Try reading and understanding the comments from people before popping off with your ignorant mouth. I'm wondering the same thing maniacal R. was asking. If you have been dating this guy for 5 years, you have a child with him, and you don't know how to bring up the topic of marriage with him, then you are with the WRONG person! And on top of that, your communication with him SUCKS. By now, you should be able to talk to him about ANYTHING and everything. I just don't understand why you're having difficulty talking to him about it. You were close enough to him to let him penetrate his penis into your vagina! That is pretty damn close. You were so close that you even let him impregnate you. You can do all that and yet be uncertain about asking him about something so important? If I've been with a guy for 5 years and I realize that I can't even communicate with him, that I'm afraid to even ask him one simple question, I would not waste one more day with him, and would get out of that relationship ASAP. So either leave him, or ask him right now where he stands on this topic. And if he says he doesn't want to marry you, and you do, then again, he's not the right person for you. I wish people discussed these things BEFORE they went ahead and had a child. Link to post Share on other sites
anon. Posted July 6, 2001 Share Posted July 6, 2001 Some people are so confusing...they reach out for help and/or opinion, and then bite your head off when it is given. Lots of luck...you'll need it. If you had read my comments, I never said I was afraid to talk to my man. I never said I have problems communicating with him either. I said it wasn't that big a thing and asked how should I bring it up. I'm not in a hurry, I just wanted some ideas on if people thought 5 years was enough time to know if you wanted to marry someone. As for being close enough, yeah we're close doesn't mean I hide things cause I'm afraid to talk to him. It's not like our relationship is going anywhere (it's not dissipating). We talk about everything cause we are that close, this just popped in my head recently. And as YOU thinking you should talk about marriage before having a child, how many do you have? Is it still with that first man? You happily married? Doesn't matter if we had a child before we got married, we already know we'll be together forever. Doesn't mean we have to have a marriage license to do that. Try reading and understanding the comments from people before popping off with your ignorant mouth. Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted July 6, 2001 Share Posted July 6, 2001 Ohhhhhh I see....so it was a planned pregnancy and the child was expected, right? I thought you accidentally became pregnant. (Which one was it, anyway? I'm confusing myself) And as YOU thinking you should talk about marriage before having a child, how many do you have? Is it still with that first man? You happily married? 0. ZERO children. I'm waiting until I meet the right guy and until I am SURE about the marriage thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted July 7, 2001 Share Posted July 7, 2001 Like I said, read before you flap. I never said anything about me being accidentally pregnant. The pregnancy doesn't have anything to do with what I was asking opinions on. See that's what happens when you ASSUME, you make an ASS out of U. I kinda figured you didn't have a family. Or the "right guy". Good luck on finding them. Ohhhhhh I see....so it was a planned pregnancy and the child was expected, right? I thought you accidentally became pregnant. (Which one was it, anyway? I'm confusing myself) 0. ZERO children. I'm waiting until I meet the right guy and until I am SURE about the marriage thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted July 7, 2001 Share Posted July 7, 2001 First of all ANON, I was only asking for some thoughts, not crying out for help. Second, I didn't ask for such rude remarks over something I didn't ask for in the first place. I'm usually a nice person, but if someone wants to ignorantly remark on comments, then I have a right to speak my mind and let her know it's not nice. I see you didn't comment so just keep reading instead of helping people. Or maybe you just don't have some ideas or thoughts. Some people are so confusing...they reach out for help and/or opinion, and then bite your head off when it is given. Lots of luck...you'll need it. Link to post Share on other sites
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