Ghosted/Blocked by Woman Almost Immediately After Sex

[Oxbow99]

On my way home from work at the start of weekend, I (29M) matched on a dating app with a seemingly nice and very attractive woman (26F) who after exchanging some flirty texts with, I invited over to my place to hang out. This all happened quickly and I didn't get much out of her before she started driving to see me other than that she was looking for an emotional/intimate connection with someone. I sort of knew based on the context that we would hook up but thought she seemed interesting and it meant a lot to me that she drove over an hour after a work day just to come see me. I bought take out and after dinner, we had sex for much of the night. We talked a lot, drank some wine (maybe a bit much), watched a movie, had more sex, and fell asleep. I really enjoyed my time with her, but she woke me up in the middle of the night saying she needed to go and after a quick goodbye she left and I went back to sleep.

 

The next day, I tried keeping in touch on text but her responses were super delayed and/or brief but she did say she was glad she came to see me. She didn't answer my last text on Saturday and I saw she had unmatched me on bumble later that day. I think she blocked me shortly after doing that as well even though I barely said anything other than asking how her day was going. I have no clue what I did wrong, but I definitely feel used. We both came multiple times during sex, and I can't think of anything that didn't go well with her aside from me accidentally saying my ex-girlfriend's name when she was waking me up when I was still practically asleep (I hadn't been actually asleep with anyone else since).

 

One thing that I did notice though that was odd was that this woman talked a lot about how her “ex husband” was controlling, wouldn’t let her use sex toys in bed (of which she brought a brand new one with her and used it), and didn't like her wearing lingerie (which she also wore under her clothes). She also seemed to hesitate to say exactly when she got divorced when I asked, and the answer I think she gave didn't make sense as it would have meant she was around 20 when her divorce happened even though she met her husband in college. I also realized she had downloaded bumble that same day I met her, and her leaving in the middle of the night also was pretty weird as I can't think of anywhere she would have to go at the time aside to go cover her tracks with whoever may have been waiting her for her at home. Of course I have no proof whatsoever as I can't find her anywhere on social media, but I wonder if she may have been married, in which case I feel even worse. 

 

Was wondering what could have happened as this is definitely a first for me in my life. I didn’t expect to necessarily start a relationship with her especially given how spontaneous this was, but would have hoped to at least make a new friend out of this. I feel like a fool for believing her when she said she would like to meet in the future that night. Was hoping to talk more about it in the morning if she didn’t just randomly leave at 3am. I also feel foolish now for opening up to a stranger about each others’ past traumas, and really careless for not using protection with her. I wonder if she even had an IUD or if that was a lie now. This whole thing just has me very confused and any input would be very appreciated. 

 

TL;DR Ghosted after great sex and have no idea why

Edited June 8, 2023 by Oxbow99

[Ami1uwant]

You were a one night stand……

[ExpatInItaly]

She wasn't looking for more than sex, OP. 

She got what she wanted and that's where it ended. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Don't overthink it. Chalk it up to experience. You weren't used, either. You were happy to engage in sex with a stranger, which is fine, but it's not as though she deceived you into thinking this would develop into something more. 

[Alpacalia]

It's challenging to accept, but it's best to respect her choice to keep it a one time casual affair. You don't know her reasoning for unmatched you, it's likely she has decided it's best for her to move on. You could try to politely reach out to her and apologize for your mention of your ex's name (eek!) and wish her the best, but I wouldn't anticipate a response.

It's fine to have these experiences and, although it's not the same, they make for interesting stories. At least you know you're capable of making a connection - just something to remember the next time you find yourself in similar situation. 

Edited June 8, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Sony12]

Yeah you had a pretty common hook up scenario. You met on a site known for hooking up and you guys hooked up. Just look at it this way. If she wasn't attracted to you she wouldn't of gone to bed with you. Best thing to do is take what you learned from this scenario so you can become all the more attractive to future women you go on dates with and some of them might want to stick around. 

If you don't want actual hook ups than bumble probably isn't the best location for you to be looking. 

Another thing is don't overthink what she said. She probably wasn't being honest with you about a lot of stuff. In the end she still went to bed with you which was what both of you were mainly after.

Edited June 8, 2023 by Sony12

[glows]

Saying your ex’s name might have had some effect. You probably have an icky feeling - all very understandable. 

She might also have needed to rush back for work if she works on weekends or has a second job. You don’t know this person and everything she said to you could have been a lie or half truths. 

Or, she may have been entirely honest too and then changed her mind about seeing you again. For all you know she had a great time and decided you weren’t friend or relationship or fwb material and didn’t want to deal with any of that. 

If you’re willing to have casual sex like this, both consenting adults, that’s what you’re going to get and it’s part of the territory and the risk. Some people love that or the freedom of it. Who wants to keep in touch as a “friend” when she can meet a new guy this coming weekend? She may have an easy enough time making those kinds of “friends” and it’s just not that important. 

It seems you’re looking for more of an emotional connection with someone so decide if it’s a relationship you’re looking for. If that’s the case, don’t invite anyone over the first time you meet. Go out on dates and take your time.

[glows]

I’d also strongly consider seeing your doctor for an std check.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Oxbow99 said:

 accidentally saying my ex-girlfriend's name when she was waking me up 

It seems like a hookup and that is what it was. She took some risks going to a strangers place for sex but that's how she rolls. Calling her by your ex GFs name wasn't great but it doesn't seem like she expected more than a one night stand.

Just move forward. You both got what you wanted and agreed on. 

[JTSW]

Everyone is right.

She just wanted a hook up, just sex.

You wont find her because she likely wasn't using her real name.

I doubt anything she told you about herself was true.

Just accept this for what it was. A great one night stand.

[OurLoveTurnsToRust]

Those darn aliens again, happens every time.

[Rinoa122]

From what you wrote, it sounds like her ex husband might not actually be an ex. There were quite a few rebellious natured events that occurred that night while saying he did not allow this or that. Maybe it was looking for some kind of angry or revenge one time thing, but whatever it is, has absolutely nothing to do with you or something you might have done that night.

[Versacehottie]

it was still just a first date/meet...The percentage of those that go wrong or don't proceed past date one is very high. Add in that she possibly was just looking for a hookup, didn't like the sex, didn't mind hooking up but didn't see you as relationship material for her, the mistake of calling her your ex's name and any of her own unknown backstory...those are a ton of tangents from where things could go wrong. I do think just looking at it from the outside that it's pretty suspect that she insisted on meeting you right away and drove that far--that sounds pretty aggressive for someone looking to DATE or a BF...for someone looking to hookup, it's more in line with that. 

You are kind of presuming that because you falsely sped things up physically that it would buy you some actual emotional closeness or a progressing relationship--which is not a guarantee or sign of that at all. In fact, without the emotional closeness, you could just be racing more quickly to the end of things.

[Andy_K]

Most likely she's having an affair/cheating. An hour away from where she lives is a deliberate choice because it makes you 'safer' and less likely to know anyone she knows. Perhaps she does this often and wants to be untraceable, or perhaps she just wants to see what's out there while she negotiates the exit from her relationship. Maybe even she did it for revenge on him. There are many reasons she might have.

This is much less typical behaviour for someone who is genuinely single. Even women who are looking only for hookups will rarely block a guy they had great sex with, because most would prefer to hook up again a with a guy they already had a good experience with, rather than risk bad sex and their personal safety with another stranger. 

[Versacehottie]

2 hours ago, Andy_K said:

Most likely she's having an affair/cheating. An hour away from where she lives is a deliberate choice because it makes you 'safer' and less likely to know anyone she knows. Perhaps she does this often and wants to be untraceable, or perhaps she just wants to see what's out there while she negotiates the exit from her relationship. Maybe even she did it for revenge on him. There are many reasons she might have.

This is much less typical behaviour for someone who is genuinely single. Even women who are looking only for hookups will rarely block a guy they had great sex with, because most would prefer to hook up again a with a guy they already had a good experience with, rather than risk bad sex and their personal safety with another stranger. 

I don't disagree....though to the bolded...who said it was great or even good?  LOL... We just have the OP's side of the story or his interpretation of it. (sorry, OP)

I would also just add that apart from a more standard first date, this type of hookup one had a whole bunch of other variables that complicate things.  So it will probably go either very bad/be at an end point or extremely well. There's not really an in between because just like the emotional part, the OP skipped all the middle steps--there is no emotional connection, even a FWB would need a little something in that department. 

*Less than 12 hours before the OP was a stranger and he's effectively still a stranger...just one that she decided to block. 

I do like the theory that she is possibly in a relationship which is why was deliberate about the distance possibly and then blocked him. It's one theory that would have legs, not the only one though...it also could easily be that OP felt chemistry and she did not. Just like a more standard date....OP thinks sex moved the needle but maybe she thinks it was a nothing burger or even more a nail in the coffin of continuing on with him... Just like a more standard date obtained from an app--one or the other or both don't feel chemistry, a lot of the time. 

 

[Els]

17 hours ago, Oxbow99 said:

I invited over to my place to hang out. This all happened quickly...

I sort of knew based on the context that we would hook up

Okay, so, you clearly knew that this was just a casual hookup. Why then are you expecting more? If what you wanted was a relationship or a "friend for life" (um, what??), then you absolutely went about it the wrong way. If you don't want to be "only" a hookup, then don't invite women over to your place for the first date, and don't engage further when you already know it's a hookup....

Quote

really careless for not using protection with her

Yeah, you should certainly feel that way! Why on earth does a single man who's inviting women over for sex NOT have condoms ready, anyway? Just buy a box and keep them in your bedroom closet...

Get an STD test and repeat it in 6 months' time, since the first test will catch most STDs, but HIV can take up to 6 months to show. And for the love of god, buy some condoms.

Edited June 8, 2023 by Els

[ShyViolet]

If you didn't want it to be a meaningless hookup, then why did you invite her over to your place for a first meeting?  That's not a good way to get to know someone and start off a legitimate dating relationship.

[smackie9]

Sounds like revenge sex...she might still be married. 

[mark clemson]

One thing I've learned about women in 50+ years of life:  when they cease to show interest, don't "chase". She knows how to get in touch if she really wanted to + there will be other fish in the sea...

[BaileyB]

21 hours ago, Oxbow99 said:

I also feel foolish now for opening up to a stranger about each others’ past traumas, and really careless for not using protection with her.

You had sex on the first date and didn’t use protection/talk about whether she was using birth control. Dude. That’s not careless, it’s reckless. You should be tested for STDs and start praying that she doesn’t show up again asking for child support. 

For future reference, when a woman brings a sex toy to a first date is clearly looking for a hook-up. When the sex is done, she is gone. 

And I too think that she may well be married.

Edited June 8, 2023 by BaileyB

[Wiseman2]

On 6/7/2023 at 9:34 PM, Oxbow99 said:

 . I think she blocked me shortly after doing that . I definitely feel used.  but would have hoped to at least make a new friend out of this

It doesn't seem like anyone "used" anyone. You had a mutually agreeable hookup. She probably doesn't want FWB, so it's fine she blocked you. It seems like she wasn't satisfied with the encounter so doesn't want a regular hookup or FWB arrangement.

[Alpacalia]

I find myself wondering why a woman would bring a sex toy to a one night stand. Does she keep it in her glove compartment, or does she carry it in her purse?

[Sony12]

12 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I find myself wondering why a woman would bring a sex toy to a one night stand. Does she keep it in her glove compartment, or does she carry it in her purse?

Some people use these dating sites to let out their kinky side. It isn't uncommon for women to try to give the impression in real life of being real proper like but then on these dating sites to be a little bit of a perv where they can keep that activity away from the people who are a part of their daily life. We don't know anything about the lady the original poster got together with but her being completely different in her real life than the type of person the OP is describing would be completely believable. For instance I talk to a lot of older women online and it's usually about 50/50 on rather they are open to people in their regular life about their attraction to younger men. This one lady was long distance so we weren't quick to meet right off the bat but younger men really turned her on and I would give her phone sex while she got off by the sound of my voice using one of her toys. We did eventually meet up and spent a couple weekends together but for about a year I was giving her phone sex. THe lady had a master's degree and was very learned but that was just a kink she had.

So chances are if you ever did run into the girl the OP hooked up with she would be completely different from what you were expecting. She was likely just living out a fantasy.

 

Edited June 9, 2023 by Sony12

[Alpacalia]

13 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Some people use these dating sites to let out their kinky side.

Hmm, I hadn't considered that. Is that why you are on there? Cheeky!

Edited June 10, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Ageless Wisdom23]

Perhaps mentioning "Ex Husband" was the key word she accidentally mentioned but actually Meant------Still married.  I b🤕elieve it could be true and she is searching  for some one night sex and comfort with many other strangers online.  Consider it a girl Ghost  who is not really so hard to understand.  It happens.  With women too.

Edited June 12, 2023 by Ageless Wisdom23

[mortensorchid]

She brought toys for you to use?  To a guy she met on a dating app who she had sex with and then ghosted?  Well, never let it be said that one will run out of first time experiences because that is a new one.  But I digress...

What happened here was a one night stand / lost weekend.  Show me one person who has not had one at this point in life.  It was probably for the best that it didn't go any further than it did.  After all, you don't know this person AT ALL.  And based on what I read about her in your / other opinions, maybe you should be glad that you don't.  Do you feel used?  If you do, think of it as just ships that passed in the night and that's all it was.