Should l keep touch with my LDR ex, after being dumped by him?

[Fleiss]

Hi. I (M) met this foreign man in November 2019, when he started working in my hometown. We stayed together until  the end of January 2022, when he relocated to another country work-related. 2 months later he told me he wanted to date someone, which l found normal. Anyway, we got close again, alternating visits between my city and his new place of residence & hometown. 

Three days ago he texted me saying he had met someone and wanted to consider a relationship with him, and move on with his life. My reply was: "l understand - best of luck with that." Tonight, asking to talk over WhatsApp audio, he stressed the same thing. 

While l always knew that this was not going to last, primarily due to the long distance, l feel a bit "betrayed", in that he was constantly overly affectionate, even though, as it turns out now,  he had just been waiting for the right man to show up,  and then immediately dump me. As a result, l also feel used. 

He suggested staying friends. I told him l felt a bit off guard, taking into account the current situation. While he would like us to maintain contact, l'm not sure whether it's a good idea. (This was my longest relationship.) 

What should l do? 

Thanks. 

 

[Lotsgoingon]

Why are you taking seriously his proposal?

When someone dumps us, we cannot be friends. Impossible with a possible exception of a 10-year break with no contact.

[ExpatInItaly]

It's not a good idea to remain friends with him. 

You two need to close the door on each other once and for all. You're already hurt by his behaviour. It makes no sense to prolong your own pain as you watch him fall in love with someone who isn't you. 

[Fleiss]

Thanks a lot both of you for the valuable input. 

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, Fleiss said:

Three days ago he texted me saying he had met someone and wanted to consider a relationship with him, 

Set yourself free. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. That way you can focus your time and energy on finding local available men to date.

[Fleiss]

Update: I texted him this morning, stating: "Considering the way things unfolded, l still see no point in remaining friends. All the best!"  His response was: "l understand." 

[ShyViolet]

Some exes can and do remain friends.  But if there are any hurt or bad feelings about the breakup, then remaining friends is not a good idea and it's best to cut ties.

[glows]

Good you’re moving on and not remaining friends. 

A comment on this part, OP, where you had written:

Quote

he had just been waiting for the right man to show up,  and then immediately dump me.

He’s from another country so how was it feasible to remain in a relationship long distance indefinitely? Was there any discussion about a permanent move on either your parts? I’m going to ask for the logical hat here. I know you’re feeling upset about this ending. I ask as it might help put things in perspective or else just help me understand where you saw this going.

[Ageless Wisdom23]

In your situation Jere, In order to Move On, You probably should not have any contact.  Why would you need nor want to hear about who he dates or mates?  Again, Wish him Good Luck.  He has already told you he is looking for 😪the right man.

[ExpatInItaly]

16 hours ago, Fleiss said:

Update: I texted him this morning, stating: "Considering the way things unfolded, l still see no point in remaining friends. All the best!"  His response was: "l understand." 

Good. 

It is going to be much better that you two stop all communication. You will never really move on otherwise. 

[Fleiss]

6 hours ago, glows said:

Good you’re moving on and not remaining friends. 

A comment on this part, OP, where you had written:

He’s from another country so how was it feasible to remain in a relationship long distance indefinitely? Was there any discussion about a permanent move on either your parts? I’m going to ask for the logical hat here. I know you’re feeling upset about this ending. I ask as it might help put things in perspective or else just help me understand where you saw this going.

Yes, we had discussed the possibility of being together, but for me, this was impossible, professionally speaking. On his part, working in projects, he had stated that he would only relocate to a country in which he was paid best. 

 

Edited June 12, 2023 by Fleiss
Addition

[JTSW]

2 hours ago, Fleiss said:

Yes, we had discussed the possibility of being together, but for me, this was impossible, professionally speaking. On his part, working in projects, he had stated that he would only relocate to a country in which he was paid best. 

So money would be a priority over you.

So glad you decided not to stay in touch.

 

[glows]

5 hours ago, Fleiss said:

Yes, we had discussed the possibility of being together, but for me, this was impossible, professionally speaking. On his part, working in projects, he had stated that he would only relocate to a country in which he was paid best.

The conversation didn’t get very far then, nor was there any planning involved. You both were incompatible. Going forward it might be best to date locally if you’re restricted by your job. 

Him wanting to move where his career benefits him the most is a very valid reason not to move to your country. We don’t know his long term financial goals and impractical to expect someone to move for romance only.

[OurLoveTurnsToRust]

You kind of set yourself up for this one OP, YOU should have been the one to end it a long time ago when it was clear that the distance issues weren't going to improve, you left yourself on the string.