I'm abusing my loving and caring boyfriend, what should I do?

[Overtune22]

this might become a long text, so sorry in advance 😅

before I met my boyfriend, I was living kind of recklessly. I shared endless sleepless nights with groups of friends and random people and weed and drinks, feeling young and free. at some point, when I was 17, I started feeling extremely guilty and I had a feeling I was doing the wrong thing constantly. I opened up to my mother (whom I had been lying to the whole time), and told her everything. she took it pretty well and we started having many intense conversations about many things, mostly just life itself. during those times, when we used to talk like that, I discovered a big, fundamental part of me. my mother is really spiritual, wise and just... a good person. she's taught me how to be happy in life, how people should be, how we have to be kind and understanding towards every person... and just many other things that are now fundamental in my life. the most important thing for this topic is that I learned what I wanted in life. those conversations meant (and mean) everything to me, and now I try to find personal growth and spirituality in everything. 

I stopped seeing mostly everybody I was seeing before, and started getting into studying. I was realising I loved studying and knowledge, so I basically went from one extreme to another. sometime in that period is when I met my boyfriend. when we met I had just turned 18 and he was 24. it's a bit of an age gap, but we never really noticed it much. at the beginning we were so in love, it was like a new world had opened up for me knowing that someone like him existed, so different from anyone I'd ever met. it was as if we'd found our other half, eventhough we'd both grown up in two totally different countries (he's Spanish and I'm Romanian but I've lived my whole life in Holland). we constantly talked and laughed and everything was great. however, after 3 months I started feeling some doubts. up to then I'd never had a relationship for longer than 3 months, and I thought I was just scared to go into a long-term relationship with somebody. however, soon enough I realized I was missing that fundamental part I'd discovered with my mom. I couldn't have those conversations I had with her, and I was missing that from him.

 
I didn't do much about those doubts back then, because I didn't know if it was just a phase (because of my age). I knew I didn't really know anything about life yet, and I knew that he was a good person who would love me so much, unconditionally. so I just held on, and tried to ignore those negative feelings I had. after being together a little bit more than half a year, I acknowledged (for the first time) that the doubts/feelings weren't going anywhere, and I realized I had to tell him. I am really bad with rejecting/hurting people, mostly because of selfish reasons (I don't want them to see me as a bad person, I think), so I told him as little as possible in order to hurt him as little as possible. he took it kind of well, and I felt relieved because I'd opened up about it to him. for a little while I thought (or made myself think) that that was all it took, just a little confession. but after a while the feelings from before started getting louder and louder again, until I couldn't contain them anymore and I confessed yet a little more to him. he would just take it in again, and I'd just feel relieved again, and like that we went on for two years. in the meantime he moved in with me and my mom, we bought a car together, I left our city to study translation in a city 200 kilometers away while coming back to see him in the weekends, I started studying linguistics in Belgium (also 200 km away), where I found my passion for language and literature, and eventually he came to live there with me. now we live in an appartment that we turned into our home, and he travels back to Holland every midweek for his study and work. we feel like we've already built up a life together, since we've worked hard to do so many things. 

so right now I'm 20 and he's 26, and of course, I've matured a bit more since I met him at 18. we lost our virginity to each other, we started to get realer and rougher with each other, and at some point we'd told each other everything, including all our secrets and deeply buried personal thoughts. we knew everything about each other. I was still having the feelings that I started feeling at 18, but also knew I was maturing more and more. I kept telling myself I just need to hold on, and at some point I'd get rid of those feelings and doubts. that's why I pushed myself deeper and deeper into settlement and made us make our home. I thought that if we just actually complete a life together, I'd see and appreciate the important things of our relationship, seeing all the things we were able to do together. 

and yet, right now I'm writing this paragraph of a text about our story on a random internet forum I found through ChatGPT, feeling desperate. I think it's obvious that my self-manipulation didn't quite work out, and now I'm in a situation in which I (verbally) abuse my boyfriend every day, out of frustration for my contained and ignored feelings. it's like I'm feeling more and more hate for him with every stupid little thing he does that annoys me. since my confessions have come to the point that I told him I don't think I love him anymore and I think we should have a break or just break up completely, I can't really hold back my feelings aymore. most of the time I just feel indifferent towards him and I just tell him directly when I think he's stupid or childish. I belittle him with sarcastic retorts and mean comments, and I see that I'm punching his self-esteem into the ground. and, of course, I'm realizing about this, which makes me hate myself. 

now, lately I've been feeling desires to meet other people. not even romantically, but just discovering new perspectives. I've been feeling nostalgia towards those times I was feeling young, reckless and free, and I'm feeling a desire to bring those times back. I just feel like I want to see what else is out there, and because I don't really know, I idealize that unknown territory and create this ideal partner in my head that I keep comparing my boyfriend with. like that, I keep dreaming of being with that ideal (probably unexistent) partner instead of him. and although I kind of know that "he" doesn't really exist, I think I have to see it with my own eyes to believe it. because right now the doubt is just killing me, and not letting me enjoy what I have in front of me.

yesterday I broke through completely. we got mad at each other over a pretty stupid thing, and because I've been thinking about breaking up for a while now, I blurted out "then why don't we just break up? I think we can both see clearly now that we just don't work!" and with that, we started our biggest conversation yet about us. I opened up completely, I told him everything and hurt him badly by doing so, and we cried together for hours. the thing is that we kind of got to the source of my feelings. we genuinely tried to work them out together, and at some point we realized that, ironically, our age gap could actually be the problem. I'm still only 20, and I'm just having these desires to discover new people and the world around us because I don't know it yet. 

concretely: it might just be the age. and that is such a banal, mind-numbing realization. we've been behaving like a married couple, while I'm still just a child (metaphorically). we rent an appartment together in a foreighn country, while we shouldn't even really be together. and the thing is, he's moved from Spain to Holland, where he met me, on whom he built his whole new life around. I'm basically the only pillar he leans on right now. we share everything, including a home, a car, and really, everything else. and I let all this happen, while knowing something is very off. and he still loves me. he says he won't let me break up with him. even fter telling him I want to see other people, and I don't love him anymore, he just wants to be with me and he's willing to just forget about everything. 

so right now I'm constantly feeling like I'm choking. I've been crying about my own cruelty for two years straight while not doing anything about it, and now that I'm actually giving up and trying to detatch my toxicity from him, I still feel helpless. every time I think about us breaking up, I end up crying over the sadness of it. I know he'll be scarred after we part our ways, and I know that it will have to happen at some point, and postponing will only make it harder. while at the same time I'm fantasizing about a freer life without attatchment! it's kind of hypocritical. 
the thing that makes it even harder is that I know that I will regret breaking up with him later. he really is what would make me happy in the long run, but right now I can't be satisfied with settlement. I understand, by the way, that all this might sound really whorey, but I'm just being completely honest. these feelings are surprizing me too, since I've always dreamed of meeting "the one" and just sharing a life with him.

well, I don't know if anyone has read this until the end, and if you did, I really appreciate it. the reason I'm posting this is because I'd like to get a perspective on my situation from someone neutral. so please, if you have the time and volition, write me a comment and just let me know your thoughts. should I just give up on my relationship or should I keep on trying? 

P.S.: I'm sorry for any typos, I honestly just wrote this in one blurry go and didn't read it back either. I’m guessing it’s a really messy text, and that I’ve repeated myself a lot… which could be an annoying read. I might read it back later and make corrections, but for now I'm just out of energy to go through the whole thing again. I hope you understand 😅

Edited June 10, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[stillafool]

You would be doing him a great favor by breaking up with him.  You aren't in love with him anymore and are being selfish.  I remember you being here about this problem before.  Your bfs self esteem is broken and will stay that way until you leave him.  It isn't fair to hold onto someone just because you don't want to feel the pain of a break up.  Break ups happen to all of us before we go on to meet the person we're supposed to be with or no one at all.  Your bf will be happy again once you let him go so he can meet a girl who will love him the way he deserves to be loved.

[Lotsgoingon]

the thing that makes it even harder is that I know that I will regret breaking up with him later

The above statement is so wrong in so many ways. I don't doubt that you genuinely think this is the right guy for you over the long term. But that's just because you are young (too young for how serious and twisted this relationship is). And you don't know all the ways relationships with other people can be FAR BETTER.

Thinking you will regret breaking up with him is a common mistake that haunts people who have only seriously dated one person. They think all relationships are like the one they have. What your thinking really reveals is that you probably have some kind of deep attraction to a weak and low-functioning man.

Let's get to the abuse or what you say is abuse. This guy--if he were worth dating--wouldn't let you verbally abuse him. He would have the self-respect and confidence to leave you--in a heartbeat. By allowing you to abuse him, he also loses your respect. We do not respect people who allow us to abuse them. Now, if you had to gun to his head, then that would be different. This guy has low esteem, and lacks the strength to escape you. That's by definition a terrible partner. And the fact that he is living in another country, so what? Being young is all about trying out relationships and then returning home or wherever when they fail. That’s part of growing up! People survive this and thrive after this! And why doesn't he have friends and a support system beyond you? That's another problem. Investigate that attraction you have to someone who can't create a friendship network outside of you. 

I'm not clear what you've said that is abusive. Frank conversations between lovers often hurt, not because someone is being abusive, but because the person is simply telling us all the ways they don't like us. I'm not sure I trust that you've been "abusive." And because there is no gun and no kidnapping involved, there is an easy solution for whatever "abuse" you're doling out. He can curse you and leave. That’s what mature self-respecting people do.

Both of you are emotionally wounded and you have produced a wounded and dysfunctional relationship. And worse, you guys cling to this dysfunctional, destructive bond. Take a step: end the madness--do it for you and for him. 

 

[NuevoYorko]

I stopped reading at the moment you flipped the script.  

Of course you need to break up.  It's very alarming that you are this self absorbed - you wrote 3 hefty paragraphs about all the lovely details and your deep conversations with your mom, and then ... all of a sudden!  You share that you are an abusive partner and have been for the past 2 years? 

Why did you bother with the romantic backstory?  None of it matters, you just need to break up and move on.  You aren't in love,  this relationship is not what you need right now, and you also must hold yourself to a much higher standard.  Not to mention that this man, or anyone, should not be subjected to this kind of thing. 

You know this, obviously, thus the post.  So, time to go.

 

[Weezy1973]

Why all the drama? Just break up with him. He’ll hurt at first and then will be fine. And you’ll move on too. You’re 20. Go be a 20 year old. 

[ExpatInItaly]

10 hours ago, albamaria said:

I know that I will regret breaking up with him later

No, you won't. 

This is merely your inexperience speaking. You fell out of love with him a long time ago and have been trying to force yourself to be with him when you are very clearly not into him any longer. You're being way too hard on yourself for not having those feelings anymore - it's completely normal when you're so young and haven't had much experience yet. It doesn't need to be this complicated, OP. Most relationships that start at 18 don't last forever. And it's got nothing to do with your minimal age gap. It's got everything to do with you not letting yourself be a totally normal young adult who simply needs to move on. 

But your abusive behaviour is not normal. It is unacceptable, and you need help. You need to break up with him regardless, to be very clear, but you also could benefit from some professional guidance in understanding your anger problems. 

Edited June 11, 2023 by ExpatInItaly

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. You don't need his permission to break up. All you need to do is appropriately sever all your finances and living arrangements. This way you can set both yourselves free and pursue whatever you want in life.

[FMW]

It's way past time to end this relationship.  

Why are you holding on?  His not wanting to let you go has no bearing on what you should do.  You've been hurting him for some time now, you're doing neither of you any favors by staying together.  He seems to have a very low opinion of himself and how he should be treated.  

It's highly unlikely you will regret breaking up with him for any reason other than you are afraid to be on your own and don't want to lose him as a safety net.  It's normal at your age to want to explore and learn more about yourself and others.  Don't hold on to this unhealthy (for both of you) attachment.  End the relationship and learn to be truly on your own while you discover what you want. 

Learn from this and in the future don't stay in relationships where dissatisfaction and resentment build up to the point of your being abusive. That's not only destructive to the other person, but also to you.  Continuing to treat others badly destroys your ability to be a true partner, to anyone. 

[ShyViolet]

18 hours ago, albamaria said:

the thing that makes it even harder is that I know that I will regret breaking up with him later. he really is what would make me happy in the long run, 

No, this is 100% wrong.  You know that breaking up will be hard, as serious breakups always are.  But that doesn't mean that you should avoid the breakup and stay in this terrible relationship.  Your situation reminds me a lot of my first serious relationship and the drawn-out, dramatic process that it was when we finally broke up (minus the abusive part).  I was so young, immature and inexperienced (age 21) that I thought I couldn't live without this person, even though the relationship had truly run its course and I wasn't happy in it anymore.  The breakup was way more drawn out than it should have been.  I look back and cringe at what an immature child I was and how little I knew about life.

This is your immaturity talking.  This is your first serious relationship, and that is always the hardest to break up from.  But this relationship absolutely has run its course and is at its end.  You are only 20 years old and have only really been with one guy.  You are now feeling the discomfort of that and you need to experience what else is out there.

18 hours ago, albamaria said:

and he still loves me. he says he won't let me break up with him. 

This stood out to me as concerning.  I was wondering why a guy would put up with all this and not break up with you first.  So he's possessive and controlling of you, it sounds like?  Don't allow this to prevent you from getting out of the relationship.  Breaking up with someone is the one thing you can do in a relationship that you don't need the other person's consent.  If you break up, he can't "not let" you.

[JTSW]

All of your feelings are perfectly normal.

You settled very young so its normal you feel the need to live a bit more. 

You crave more life experiences and that's perfectly fine.

You need to stop drawing out the break up plans and just do it.

Like you said, the longer you leave it the harder it will be.

[Alpacalia]

Listen, friend, I know how hard it can be when you feel like you're stuck between clinging onto a relationship and wanting your independence. I've been there myself and I put my ex through a lot of unnecessary pain.

My advice to you is don't be scared to start the conversation about breaking up. It's not going to be easy, but it's necessary for both of you to move on. Trust yourself and believe that taking this step towards a healthier future is the right thing to do. Sometimes, the best way to handle a situation is to just get it over with. Have that conversation and then focus on the great promise of what lies ahead. You can totally do this.

[Overtune22]

On 6/11/2023 at 2:03 AM, stillafool said:

You would be doing him a great favor by breaking up with him.  You aren't in love with him anymore and are being selfish.  I remember you being here about this problem before.  Your bfs self esteem is broken and will stay that way until you leave him.  It isn't fair to hold onto someone just because you don't want to feel the pain of a break up.  Break ups happen to all of us before we go on to meet the person we're supposed to be with or no one at all.  Your bf will be happy again once you let him go so he can meet a girl who will love him the way he deserves to be loved.

I think you’re mistaking me with somebody else, since I haven’t been on this website ever before. But in any case, thank you for your insight. 🙂

[Overtune22]

On 6/11/2023 at 3:57 AM, Lotsgoingon said:

the thing that makes it even harder is that I know that I will regret breaking up with him later

The above statement is so wrong in so many ways. I don't doubt that you genuinely think this is the right guy for you over the long term. But that's just because you are young (too young for how serious and twisted this relationship is). And you don't know all the ways relationships with other people can be FAR BETTER.

Thinking you will regret breaking up with him is a common mistake that haunts people who have only seriously dated one person. They think all relationships are like the one they have. What your thinking really reveals is that you probably have some kind of deep attraction to a weak and low-functioning man.

Let's get to the abuse or what you say is abuse. This guy--if he were worth dating--wouldn't let you verbally abuse him. He would have the self-respect and confidence to leave you--in a heartbeat. By allowing you to abuse him, he also loses your respect. We do not respect people who allow us to abuse them. Now, if you had to gun to his head, then that would be different. This guy has low esteem, and lacks the strength to escape you. That's by definition a terrible partner. And the fact that he is living in another country, so what? Being young is all about trying out relationships and then returning home or wherever when they fail. That’s part of growing up! People survive this and thrive after this! And why doesn't he have friends and a support system beyond you? That's another problem. Investigate that attraction you have to someone who can't create a friendship network outside of you. 

I'm not clear what you've said that is abusive. Frank conversations between lovers often hurt, not because someone is being abusive, but because the person is simply telling us all the ways they don't like us. I'm not sure I trust that you've been "abusive." And because there is no gun and no kidnapping involved, there is an easy solution for whatever "abuse" you're doling out. He can curse you and leave. That’s what mature self-respecting people do.

Both of you are emotionally wounded and you have produced a wounded and dysfunctional relationship. And worse, you guys cling to this dysfunctional, destructive bond. Take a step: end the madness--do it for you and for him. 

 

Thank you so much for your reply, you gave me a new perspective on him. I never really realized that he is indeed letting me treat him the way I do too, and that that also says a lot about him. You’ve made it clearer to me that I’m not the only one who needs to grow a little more by not being in this relationship. 

However, I don’t think I have some deep attraction to low-functioning men, since that is actually what I find unattractive about him. Still, I’m glad you made it even clearer to me that the both of us are only making each other’s life harder. 

Thank you again for taking the time to write!

[mark clemson]

Your post was very long and (for me) somewhat hard to follow, but clearly something is going on with you and/or him.

Possibly you've simply outgrown each other/the relationship and are "finding ways" to end up moving on. It's normal to feel ambivalent when ending things, and there is often a certain level of distress and at least a little "acrimony". That's not uncommon. However, a LOT of "acrimony" is a problem, obviously.

Given what you describe about your feelings WRT your independence, I think it's possible you may have some "avoidant attachment". There are degrees of that, and it's not typically a bad thing unless it's quite severe. That said, you might consider researching "attachment styles" (as it applies to adult romantic relationships) to see whether you recognize some of yourself in what is described.

Another thing you could research is what's known as the Drama Triangle. Again it's not clear to my whether DT dynamics apply to you/this relationship, but it sounds like they might. So you could look into it and see if you recognize the dynamics there.

It sometimes helps to bring the behaviors of things like attachment style and or DT dynamics to your full conscious awareness, as then one can recognize them and possibly take steps to "correct course" to a more reasonable and less problematic behavior, e.g. talking calmly instead of yelling, taking some time to process one's feelings and behaviors, and determining what might be driving them instead of instantly reacting to a "trigger", etc.

[Alpacalia]

What do you think will be your next step? Can you evaluate if the feeling of wanting "to see what else is out there" is based on your desire for immediate gratification or on genuinely wanting to give yourself the chance to find someone who will fulfill all of the aspects of a relationship that are important to you?

It is clear to me that your age gap and different life experiences have become an issue in your relationship.

Just because you're not feeling attracted to him anymore doesn't mean it's because he's low-functioning. It could be that you have already grown out of the relationship, and it's not him but simply the way you feel now that has caused the change.

[Overtune22]

2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

What do you think will be your next step? Can you evaluate if the feeling of wanting "to see what else is out there" is based on your desire for immediate gratification or on genuinely wanting to give yourself the chance to find someone who will fulfill all of the aspects of a relationship that are important to you?

It is clear to me that your age gap and different life experiences have become an issue in your relationship.

Just because you're not feeling attracted to him anymore doesn't mean it's because he's low-functioning. It could be that you have already grown out of the relationship, and it's not him but simply the way you feel now that has caused the change.

Well, by now it’s pretty clear to me that I just literally want to see what is out there, which means I just feel the desire of meeting new people and getting to know other perspectives. I feel like I haven’t seen enough yet, which makes me wonder what everyone else is like, and that already means I’m not 100% in this relationship and I’ve already got one foot out the door. I really think it’s just that I still want to enjoy my young years and explore the world and its people, and that I forced myself into this relationship because I’ve always believed that I’m supposed to meet the one, fall in love, stay in love, marry, have kids, get old together and die, while loving the person the whole time. Now that it didn’t turn out that way and I see that life just doesn’t necessarily go like that, I give in to my actual needs/desires and I admit to myself that I just don’t want to settle yet. 

You’re right about the low-functioning part, I indeed think I’ve just grown out of the relationship and that I just see him as a low-functioning person because he just isn’t what I want and need right now. Thank you for the correction. 

Then, what will my next step be? Right now he’s in Holland and he’ll be back tomorrow, which is when I’m planning to talk to him about it again. Talking about it has never really brought us to a clear conclusion because I never end up making a definite decision, but now the situation is clearer than ever to me (also thanks to you guys). So I hope we’ll finally be able to see the situation as it is, like adults, without too much drama, and get it over with. If we (or I) won’t be able to go through with it again tomorrow, I’m sure that it will happen really soon, because (quoting one of the comments I received on this post) it’s already way past time to end our relationship. 

[Weezy1973]

35 minutes ago, albamaria said:

So I hope we’ll finally be able to see the situation as it is, like adults, without too much drama, and get it over with.

What do you mean you hope? It’s completely in your hands. Just end it. He’ll likely protest but that’s okay. Again he’ll hurt for awhile but he’ll get over it with time. That’s often how break ups work. You just have pull the band aid off.

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, albamaria said:

So I hope we’ll finally be able to see the situation as it is, like adults, without too much drama, and get it over with. If we (or I) won’t be able to go through with it again tomorrow, I’m sure that it will happen really soon, because (quoting one of the comments I received on this post) it’s already way past time to end our relationship. 

You already see the situation for what it is.  It's just time to finally end this and move on with you lives.  He will be hurt for a while; but will heal and move on to someone else and be happy again.  Breakups are hard but sometimes necessary as in your case.  Stop the abuse and finally set this guy free.

[Alpacalia]

7 hours ago, albamaria said:

Well, by now it’s pretty clear to me that I just literally want to see what is out there, which means I just feel the desire of meeting new people and getting to know other perspectives. I feel like I haven’t seen enough yet, which makes me wonder what everyone else is like, and that already means I’m not 100% in this relationship and I’ve already got one foot out the door. I really think it’s just that I still want to enjoy my young years and explore the world and its people, and that I forced myself into this relationship because I’ve always believed that I’m supposed to meet the one, fall in love, stay in love, marry, have kids, get old together and die, while loving the person the whole time. Now that it didn’t turn out that way and I see that life just doesn’t necessarily go like that, I give in to my actual needs/desires and I admit to myself that I just don’t want to settle yet. 

You’re right about the low-functioning part, I indeed think I’ve just grown out of the relationship and that I just see him as a low-functioning person because he just isn’t what I want and need right now. Thank you for the correction. 

Then, what will my next step be? Right now he’s in Holland and he’ll be back tomorrow, which is when I’m planning to talk to him about it again. Talking about it has never really brought us to a clear conclusion because I never end up making a definite decision, but now the situation is clearer than ever to me (also thanks to you guys). So I hope we’ll finally be able to see the situation as it is, like adults, without too much drama, and get it over with. If we (or I) won’t be able to go through with it again tomorrow, I’m sure that it will happen really soon, because (quoting one of the comments I received on this post) it’s already way past time to end our relationship. 

Sounds like you have made your decision and are clear on what is best for you. It's time to have the conversation with him, clear the air and move forward.

Your disdain for your boyfriend is obviously a reflection of your frustration at feeling powerless when with him, so you lash out at him to hurt him in return.

You're stuck in a circle of self-loathing and regret, hating yourself for not being strong enough to do something, continuously degrading him with every passing day due to your own frustrations being pent-up so desperately. The fact that you still find the courage to write this here instead of talking it out with him tells a lot about the state you're in right now.

It might feel overwhelming right now to think about how to take back control of the situation, but I want you to remember the strength you have to make a change. Speak directly to your boyfriend; tell him how you're feeling. As your boyfriend goes through his own journey, all you can do for him is finally leave him, no matter how difficult it may seem. What you are doing is showing him what a person looks like when they respect themselves. Does that make sense to you?

Say goodbye and wish him the best and give him back the life he deserves, then start focusing on your own.

Edited June 13, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Overtune22]

5 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Sounds like you have made your decision and are clear on what is best for you. It's time to have the conversation with him, clear the air and move forward.

Your disdain for your boyfriend is obviously a reflection of your frustration at feeling powerless when with him, so you lash out at him to hurt him in return.

You're stuck in a circle of self-loathing and regret, hating yourself for not being strong enough to do something, continuously degrading him with every passing day due to your own frustrations being pent-up so desperately. The fact that you still find the courage to write this here instead of talking it out with him tells a lot about the state you're in right now.

It might feel overwhelming right now to think about how to take back control of the situation, but I want you to remember the strength you have to make a change. Speak directly to your boyfriend; tell him how you're feeling. As your boyfriend goes through his own journey, all you can do for him is finally leave him, no matter how difficult it may seem. What you are doing is showing him what a person looks like when they respect themselves. Does that make sense to you?

Say goodbye and wish him the best and give him back the life he deserves, then start focusing on your own.

Thank you so much for this comment. You somehow kind of made me feel better and gave me some more courage at the same time. Thanks for staying kind ❤️

[ExpatInItaly]

On 6/13/2023 at 9:08 AM, albamaria said:

So I hope we’ll finally be able to see the situation as it is, like adults, without too much drama, and get it over with.

This is entirely up to you. 

If you are waiting for his endorsement to dump him, well, you're going to be waiting a long time. He's not going to take it well. You know this. But you have to do it anyway. It's going to be difficult. There will probably be hurt feelings and tears all around. 

But sometimes we have to do what feels wrong in order to do what's truly right.