I'm so confused!!!!

[xxbaddgurl83xx]

My boyfriend/fiance of 3 years and I broke up almost a month ago. We both decided that we need to focus on our own individual issues before we can be together as a couple. We have both decided that we want to remain friends. We talk every day on the phone and email each other all day at work. We talk like we are friends but occasionaly the conversation goes from friendly to flirty. We hung out twice since we broke up and both times we acted like a couple minus the hugs and kisses. However, even though we aren't all lovey dovey in public we have had sex both times that we have hung out. He said he wants to be "friends with benefits". At first I was cool with it but now its starting to bother me. I would rather him sleep with me when he wants sex than some random girl, and vice versa, but I would much rather have a relationship with him than just be his bed buddy. The reason we broke up is because I cheated on him which caused a lot of problems and conflict in our relationship so we both decided that we just aren't meant to be right now. I guess I am just holding on to that bit of hope that we will get back together but we both know that we won't work right now. I'm such a wreck. I feel like he thinks that I'm good enough to sleep with but not good enough to be his girlfriend. Do I hold on to him in hopes that he will forgive me for my cheating or do I just let him go? By the way he is acting with me it almost seems like he has forgiven me, so why doesn't he want to be together?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Why would he go back to the sort of relationship in which he got burned when he can have what he wants now with no chance of getting burned again? He is having exactly the sort of relationship he wants with you right now: maximum benefits, minimum commitment. He gets all the perks, and none of the hassles of having to worry about relationship issues. This way, he doesn't have to worry about the heartbreak, the trust issues, or reconciliation. He gets to eliminate those negative things, and still benefit from the postives. Perfect situation for him - he gets to use you and still have the freedom to look for a 'real' girlfriend. As long as you continue to allow this to go on, he will continue to take advantage of the situation and under no circumstances ever be motivated to change it - why would he?

 

If you want more of a relationship, then you'll have to show him that you are not willing to settle for less. Let him know what you want from the relationship, let him know that you are willing to work with him on getting to a better place in your relationship, and let him know that unless he wants to work on a fully committed, monogamous reconciliation - that it would be best to go your separate ways, and then follow up with 'no contact' and move on from this.