Married stripper had affair with married man

[Mandytheflowergirl]

I’ll try to keep this short, I need advice on what to do. Im a dancer at a strip club. I recently met a man who gave me money at my job, we had a great conversation, and we really hit it off. We exchanged numbers. He told me he was married with kids. I said it didn’t bother me, I didn’t think we would hang out outside of the club and saw no issue with having him as my customer, many married men go to strip clubs, (I have never hung out with a customer outside of my job) which is a big reason as to why I said that. I am also married (been for years), my marriage feels more like a roommate situation, I told him about that too. He texted me and we ended up planning a date while his wife was away on vacation. We hung out and it was magical. The chemistry is undeniable and very strong. We had a great time and we ended up having sex. He told me he had never cheated on his wife prior, he was nervous about the situation but still enjoyed himself a lot and said he likes me. He told me he wished he met me before he met his wife. I developed emotional feelings for him which is very rare for me, our chemistry when hanging out is just out of this world. We have so much in common and he is my exact type. We texted a bit after our hang out but we haven’t talked in days because his wife and kids came back from vacation. I really like him and want to continue seeing him but he hasn’t messaged me in days and its driving me insane. Why hasn’t he messaged me? When we hung out he said it wouldn’t be the last time, he said he wanted to make it a continuous situation but that we would have to be secretive about it since we are both married and I agreed. I like him so much I would definitely want a serious relationship with him (I obviously haven’t told him that and wouldn’t as I don’t want to scare him off). Do you think he will message me again? I wish we could talk all day, everyday. How do I get him to talk to me more? Edit: he also happens to be a wealthy businessman so that might be why hes busy? How do I get him hooked on me? 

Edited June 13, 2023 by Mandytheflowergirl
Added information

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Mandytheflowergirl said:

He told me he wished he met me before he met his wife

Please don't take this seriously. He doesn't know you. He got carried away with the thrills, but you cannot assume there is deeper meaning. 

1 hour ago, Mandytheflowergirl said:

Why hasn’t he messaged me?

You already know why. His wife is back. He isn't going to risk getting caught, so he's not going to keep in touch with you while she is around. 

1 hour ago, Mandytheflowergirl said:

I like him so much I would definitely want a serious relationship with him

You can't have that. You are married and so is he. A serious relationship is out of the question.

1 hour ago, Mandytheflowergirl said:

he also happens to be a wealthy businessman so that might be why hes busy?

He's not too busy to talk to you. His wife is home, and he also might not want you to get the wrong idea and assume this will develop into something more than illicit sex. He has already told you that you two would need to be secretive - so think about the implications of that. He doesn't intend to leave his marriage. He wants to keep it intact. 

1 hour ago, Mandytheflowergirl said:

I wish we could talk all day, everyday

That isn't going to happen, so you would be best to forget that idea. 

Look, this is about sex for him. If you want more, you are going to be very, very disappointed. 

[glows]

What does your husband think of you dancing at a strip club? 

Sadly you’re going to have to get comfortable with the long lapses in communication since he’s busy with his wife and kids plus his business/work schedule. Are you sure you want to set yourself up for this heartache? I’d think twice - think of your mental health and whether you’re trying to escape a lonely marriage. 

This guy gave you money and a bit of attention (only one date and sex once) and you’re so very attached so quickly. Find alternatives for work aside from dancing unless you’re happy with the work and the pay.

The issue is an unhappy and roommate marriage plus taking money from wealthy businessmen who likely have busy lives and wives to upkeep. It’s going to be a painful and even lonelier road feeling isolated in a hidden relationship/affair. You only have to search and read threads right next to yours here in the forums to hear how others are coping as the other woman in affairs. 

Also keep in mind his marriage may not be deteriorating as much as yours is and you’ll have to witness him spending a lot of time with her. Since he has kids be prepared that his wife and kids will always come first as his family. 

Why not divorce your husband? Do you have kids?

Edited June 13, 2023 by glows

[JTSW]

3 hours ago, Mandytheflowergirl said:

He told me he had never cheated on his wife prior

Yeah you shouldn't believe this.

Unfortunately OP you were just a conquest for him.

He spends his time at strip clubs and had sex with one of the dancers.

He is married and a high profile business man so he wont want anyone finding out about you.

You are worth more than that.

You will never have that relationship with him and he will never leave his wife.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Mandytheflowergirl said:

. Im a dancer at a strip club. I recently met a man who gave me money at my job, we had a great conversation, and we really hit it off. 

Unfortunately you seem to be viewing this as an affair because you're unhappily married. However it seems that for him, it was just a business transaction while his wife was out of town. Try to focus on whether you would like to remain married or not and if not, try not to date customers .

[mark clemson]

Not to be mean, but - perhaps on reflection he has changed his mind about the wisdom of letting himself fall in love with a stripper?

It's also possible that the great time you had was never (in his mind) meant to be more than just that - a great time, but not something lasting/permanent.

For better or worse, people change their mind or hide their actual intentions WRT to relationships all the time. C'est la vie...

[OurLoveTurnsToRust]

Surprised you never ran into this situation before, considering your line of work.  I'm also sure you're not naïve as you appear to be as well.

[Ageless Wisdom23]

Bottom line, He is Married.  He probably(First time cheating too)Felt guilty and decided to Not go through with starting up anything with you.  Sure, He may contact you by text or even show up again when he can at the stripper's Club, But do not get your hopes up.  He was in it for fun and fun only.  I truly believe his conscience got the best of him and he realized his family and good reputation as a businessman comes first.  Move on from him and the idea.  You would only end up like many M🤔istresses-------Very lonely at Christmas.

[JTSW]

I highly doubt that it was his first time cheating.

He hangs in strip clubs (don't mean any offence).

[JakeT]

Every man’s dream

Sex with a stripper,  seriously,,  You get involved with a married man with kids ,  He gets sex and back with the wife.   He doesn’t want to. Pay the price of divorce, child support, for years to be with a married stripper.   Just feel sorry for you., Next time you should think before you act

[Alvi]

This is not a Richard Gere and a Julia Roberts type of movie. It doesn't happen that often in real life when a wealthy guy divorces his wife and leaves his kids for a married stripper. Sure, he may sleep or have a short term affair with her while his wife is away. But that is about it. Yeah, he might contact you again to scratch his itch but it is highly unlikely result in anything serious.

[justwhoiam]

On 6/13/2023 at 7:43 AM, Mandytheflowergirl said:

Why hasn’t he messaged me?

Because you're a sex worker. It was not a romantic date, though he acted like he was on one. He gave you money, he's not playing bf and gf now, that was just role playing for fun.

"Do you think he will message me again?"

Possible, but the texting was getting intense and he had to stop it. He's now back to reality. I think he'll look for sex out of his marriage again, not sure if that will be with you or someone else.

"I wish we could talk all day, everyday. How do I get him to talk to me more?"

You could have him hooked on you (on the side), but there's an elephant in the room: he knows what you do for a living and quite likely you're not getting the type of interest you're looking for from this man. It's hard to change how he sees you and what he thinks of you. Men don't have a high opinion of strippers in general, more so if they go out with clients for one-night stands. You wrote sex happened, as if it could have gone platonic that night. But you know what he was looking for.

"he also happens to be a wealthy businessman so that might be why hes busy?"

As others said, the wife's now back. 

"How do I get him hooked on me?"

For the reasons stated above, you can only get him hooked on your services through sweetness, no complaining, no sharing of any of your troubles, no demands of any kind, taking care of yourself and making him feel well and loved. You won't have your needs met like that, so it'd be just about money you can get out of it.