Is it odd my boyfriends ex wife wants to meet me alone?

[Uncetainpaths]

My bf has been divorced 4 years from his ex wife of 34 years. From what’s he’s told me she’s been unhappy for a long time and she asked for the divorce but now she regrets it. He didn’t want to divorce and all of their friends are married after many years. 
 

she sounds like a bit if a loose screw but their son is getting married in a few months so my bf asked his ex if she would like to meet me before the wedding to avoid it being as uncomfortable as it may be. I’ve been waiting a long time to meet her. 
 

out of the blue I got a message today from my office email that she’d like to meet me. When I mentioned this to my boyfriend today, he said yes, he received a message from her late last night where she indicated she was likely reach out to me, but he didn’t have time to give me a heads up. In any event, he said he spoke to her and she does not want to meet me with my boyfriend, but rather meet me without my boyfriend I generally don’t have a problem with this, but it does make me a little suspicious that she wants to share something about my boyfriend that wouldn’t necessarily be comfortable for me to hear again he has told me that she has told their friends that she regrets getting the divorce.

my I asked my boyfriend with her to respond her email and he said actually she’s giving up that business email because she’s giving up her position shortly so then I said to him why don’t you text her and see if she’s comfortable with sharing her phone number with me so that I could text her instead that was earlier today and I’ve heard nothing further I explain to him I’d like to respond to her either way reasonable period of time 

I also know that she has never dated since the divorce and she feels very lonely. At least that’s what I’ve been told , I assume I should go ahead and meet her alone but should I what should I expect? 

Edited June 14, 2023 by Uncetainpaths
Typo

[Alpacalia]

Well, it's definitely an unusual situation.

There's no reason to meet her alone at this juncture. This isn't a position you need to even be in. It's understandable to want to know anyone who's going to be around your children a lot, but there's absolutely no reason to meet without your boyfriend there.

Since your boyfriend is the only one familiar with the situation, it would be best to talk through it with him and discuss your concerns. It's possible that your boyfriend's ex wants to meet you in private in order to share her perspective on the divorce and her regrets, without worrying about how your boyfriend might interpret it in your presence. On the other hand, it's also possible that she has some less than favorable things to say about him that she wants to share with you without him around, which could be uncomfortable and slightly worrisome.

If you do decide to meet her, I would agree to meet her but only if both of you went to the meeting (with your boyfriend present). 

It would be a nice gesture to meet with her in the future, especially since they both have children that they share. However, it's not like the two of you can't go to coffee together down the road one-on-one when things are a bit clearer and you're feeling more comfortable. Until then, it's best to keep a somewhat professional distance and discuss any of your concerns with your boyfriend and take care not to get too involved in the drama of the situation.

 

[glows]

I don’t see what the issue is but can understand your reservations. My concern is that you already think poorly of her having a “screw loose” and the decision to text instead of replying to her email seems like stalling or complicating a simple event. Did you receive her email and then ask your boyfriend to draft an email together in response? That part wasn’t clear. 

They have a grown child getting married soon. I don’t think it’s particularly any of your concern whether she’s dating or not or whether she’s lonely. That is her private life and off limits. Let’s keep the boundary making both ways. 

Keep in mind people love to gossip and especially speak negatively about anyone who is divorced and single. Why fall into that trap believing nonsense like that? Find out for yourself what kind of woman she is face to face and don’t be intimidated and afraid of her. 

I would arrange and agree to a meet up woman to woman and have a drink. Life is far too short to make enemies of someone you don’t even know.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Uncetainpaths said:

 their son is getting married in a few months so my bf asked his ex if she would like to meet me before the wedding 

Whether you want to meet her or not is up to you, not your BF. You seem to have a lot of communication and other issues with him. Is this the same man?:

 

[JTSW]

Personally I think it's unfair of your bf to arrange a meeting between you without even asking you.

He put you in a very uncomfortable position and didn't take your feelings or discomfort about it into consideration.

Purely because of how he went about it I wouldn't meet her.

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Uncetainpaths said:

My bf has been divorced 4 years from his ex wife of 34 years. 
 their son is getting married in a few months so my bf asked his ex if she would like to meet me before the wedding 

How old is he?  Is this the same?

 

[Kassieee]

I think you should do what makes you comfortable.