In a relationship but not happy

[ShyViolet]

9 hours ago, chickendinner12 said:

I don't think its ever good advice online to tell someone to end their relationship, that's something each person has to decide for themselves. 

 

You posted here asking for advice.  If you don't want honest advice then don't post your questions on a public board.   That's kinda how this whole thing works.  Obviously you're the one living it, so you will decide for yourself what to do ultimately.

[Lotsgoingon]

Seriously, some of the very best advice given on this board is when we tell people to dump someone. People come and report a painful relationship, a one-sided relationship, an abusive relationship and we encourage the person to get out.

Now, if we were your friends, yes, that is a different etiquette. We don't go around telling real-life friends to break up--unless we are asked for honest feedback. But the point of LS is that people can come and ask questions they are too afraid or too uncomfortable to ask friends. 

A great deal of the best and wisest advice on this forum concerns telling someone to break up. And a lot of us who confidently recommend a breakup have had lots of experience and can pretty accurately, based on a description, understand when a relationship has become hopeless. 

[basil67]

13 hours ago, chickendinner12 said:

That's a good question, I'm not sure. One thing I've been thinking about is, We're four months into this relationship, and I'm still the one planning and initiating everything. They don't take initiative very much. I don't know what that means. But my partner says yes to everything I propose, and seems happy with whatever we do, so I don't know if it's a problem?

You're doing to planning and initiating.  Do they do *anything*....like cook dinner, or pay for meals?  Do they offer to give you a nice massage or bring wine?  Or are you the one doing all the work?   

If you are doing all the work, you're going to start to feel unappreciated real soon and resentment will form.  I think it's important to tell them how you feel, but in a way which inspires them to step up, rather than makes them feel bad or defensive.   "I really love spending time with you. At present, I'm the one doing a lot of initiating and planning.  I'd really like to share the job of planning...it would take a load off me and make me feel appreciated"

If this doesn't inspire them to make an effort, you'll have to work on the theory that they are essentially lazy or entitled.  Neither of which makes a good partner

[Jesslyn]

14 hours ago, chickendinner12 said:

I don't think its ever good advice online to tell someone to end their relationship, that's something each person has to decide for themselves. 

What signs do you see? I've been known to ignore red flags in the past, so I'm open to the idea there's something I'm not seeing clearly. 

You're right, mate. Deciding whether to end a relationship is a deeply personal choice that only the individuals involved can make. However, sometimes it's necessary to have a frank discussion about the signs and red flags that might be present. While it's important to approach it with care and empathy, if it's the right thing for someone's well-being, it needs to be said.

Ignoring red flags can be tempting, but it can also be heartless to let someone continue to suffer and be mistreated. It's crucial to look out for each other's best interests and provide honest feedback when necessary. Just remember, ultimately, the decision rests with the person in the relationship, but offering insights and perspectives can be valuable in helping them make informed choices.