Shirtwearer Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 I have a long distance gf who I have never met and she is suicidal, has borderline and has been through so much abuse and other s*** in the past. Now, I am her whole world and she wants to marry me and gets super anxious if I don't answer her messages before calling or if I send a message without a heart emoji and asks me who is prettier all the time. She thinks really bad things about herself and I know she might kill herself if I break up. The worst thing is that I went along with it because it felt so good to finally have a beautiful girl so attracted to me and I wanted to escape the trashy world of modern dating. I even wanted to do it from time to time, the thought of it felt quite appealing but now I've made up my mind and I need some silence, more time and space for myself and I have things I need to work on. I think I would have to know she has taken her meds and maybe has someone nearby to stop her in case of emergency. What advice can I get? Link to post Share on other sites
Ageless Wisdom23 Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 (edited) Who even knows how true this is? Perhaps she has pulled this same stunt on other guys like yourself with the same lingo? Message her. Break it off this way. Block Her if you need to. If you are not Happy, Don't stick with her and ride her pity no gain train. She may be using 😒 "Suicide" and all as a tool to keep you in this LDR. Edited June 16, 2023 by Ageless Wisdom23 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 Contact her family and tell them your concerns. You don't stay in a relationship because she is suicidal. With you being in a different country there is nothing you can really do. Let her family know and they can support her. It's not your job to fix her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 Yeah, this can happen. My ex-h attempted suicide when I left. I know another two people who did suicide after breakups. If you think they are at risk, let one of their loved ones know...but don't hang around out of pity. All in all, their mental health is their own responsibility 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 I agree with the comments above. To add, once you break up with her make a clean break and don’t keep checking in. It’ll give mixed signals and confuse the situation. You’ll be more aware going forward regarding the warning signs of codependency. I strongly suggest private counselling for yourself so you learn not to make the same mistakes dating the same patterns. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 (edited) 5 hours ago, Ageless Wisdom23 said: Who even knows how true this is? Perhaps she has pulled this same stunt on other guys like yourself with the same lingo? This is very poor advice, please don't follow it. ANY time a person threatens suicide it must be taken seriously. How would you feel if you dismissed it as a "stunt" and then discovered that she'd done something. That said, it is NOT your responsibility, beyond what you are able to do. In this case, that would be contacting a trusted family member of hers and / or a close friend. This might be hard since she lives far away and you've not met in person but I'm sure you can figure it out. Do NOT spread the word throughout her friend group. Choose wisely. Then you will have to make the break and that will include NO CONTACT and blocking. You won't be "checking in" or anything like that; those things would just give her more to cling onto. Sorry you're in this situation and I wish the best outcome for her and you both. Edited June 16, 2023 by NuevoYorko 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 16, 2023 Share Posted June 16, 2023 7 hours ago, Shirtwearer said: I I went along with it because it felt so good to finally have a beautiful girl so attracted to me and I wanted to escape the trashy world of modern dating. You've never met so she must have friends and family locally before you two started talking and she probably has healthcare locally. Unfortunately with unstable people, it's best to tiptoe out of the relationship gently. Start slowing down the messaging and being briefer and more neutral. Start talking about how busy and stressed you are. Be pleasent but start withdrawing. The key is to wean her off you so she gets appropriate local realistic help . Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 You don't let someone manipulate and emotionally blackmail you like this. You contact her family and tell them what is going on, or if you don't have the contact info of her family then you contact the local authorities in her city and have them do a wellness check. Then you rip the band aid off, tell her this situation is emotionally unhealthy and you cannot continue it, and then you block her. This dysfunctional, emotionally unhealthy situation needs to stop. This woman is very unstable and you should not participate in it. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 She's trying to make you responsible for her well-being. If she does this when she's never even met you, imagine what a drain she'd be if you were in a real relationship and you saw her every day. You can't give her the kind of help and support she needs, she would drag you down into the mire of her illness and you would end up in a mess yourself. Look at it like this - she's drowning and you're in a life raft. If you let her on board she'll puncture your life raft and you'll both drown. Let her know that you're going to notify her family or someone who knows her, (if you can), and then cut ties. You're turning to others for advice and support, which is a sign that she's already having a negative effect on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted June 17, 2023 Share Posted June 17, 2023 (edited) This maybe selfish but also very true: you don’t want to be married to a partner who needs your heart emojis to keep from killing herself. It would totally wear you out within a few years max. Dodge that bullet. She’s not in a state to enter a committed LTR. She needs counseling and treatment, not a wedding. Edited June 17, 2023 by Will am I 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shirtwearer Posted June 18, 2023 Author Share Posted June 18, 2023 Yeah, I know this isn't stable. She's the sweetest most caring and cute person I never met but I know I'm not ready for this and I feel that I get drained. I don't know how I can contact her family, she doesn't have friendlist visible on fb. Pretty sure I found her sister and her aunt but I feel it would be better to talk to her stepdad or her grand parents because she is close to them and though she is close to her sister, she would flip out if she saw her in my friend list. I'm trying to get hints on how I can find them while talking to her. I've learned to not get into this again, I myself was in a desperate situation and I didn't have the experience to know what to expect. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 18, 2023 Share Posted June 18, 2023 If you can't find her family, then just end it, block her and hope for the best. It's OK to do this 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 18, 2023 Share Posted June 18, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, Shirtwearer said: , she would flip out if she saw her in my friend list. I'm trying to get hints on how I can find them while talking to her. Please do not contact her people. You have never met and know very little about her. Her people don't even know about you or who you are. If you believe she is unstable, gently back out of the situation. You may mean well, but you could be making matters much worse by contacting her people without permission. Edited June 18, 2023 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted June 18, 2023 Share Posted June 18, 2023 6 hours ago, Shirtwearer said: Yeah, I know this isn't stable. She's the sweetest most caring and cute person I never met but I know I'm not ready for this and I feel that I get drained. I don't know how I can contact her family, she doesn't have friendlist visible on fb. Pretty sure I found her sister and her aunt but I feel it would be better to talk to her stepdad or her grand parents because she is close to them and though she is close to her sister, she would flip out if she saw her in my friend list. I'm trying to get hints on how I can find them while talking to her. I've learned to not get into this again, I myself was in a desperate situation and I didn't have the experience to know what to expect. Why would she flip out seeing her sister in your friend list when she’s close with her sister? Just end it and block her. The manipulation needs to stop. I’d avoid looking for hints and ways to get close to her or her family just to expose her and/or possibly really embarrass her. Albeit she may truly need professional help. Be kind and respectful and say this is not for you and be explicit you don’t want further contact. End it and move on. Don’t keep dragging this out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shirtwearer Posted June 18, 2023 Author Share Posted June 18, 2023 (edited) She sent a voice message asking if I still love her as before and then I went to call her and dropped the bomb. She started insulting me and talking in a quite scary way and then hung up, kept insulting and cursing in messages and saying she doesn't care and that she wants me to die, then blocked me. Feels pretty bad and I really hope she won't be unrepairably broken. I'll [ ] miss her but the time, freed up space in mind and removed responsibility for her will be good. Edited June 18, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted June 18, 2023 Share Posted June 18, 2023 1 hour ago, Shirtwearer said: She sent a voice message asking if I still love her as before and then I went to call her and dropped the bomb. She started insulting me and talking in a quite scary way and then hung up, kept insulting and cursing in messages and saying she doesn't care and that she wants me to die, then blocked me. Feels pretty bad and I really hope she won't be unrepairably broken. I'll [ ] miss her but the time, freed up space in mind and removed responsibility for her will be good. It's good that you did it. At least she didn't threaten suicide. I'd say this ended well, considering everything. Keep her blocked everywhere in case she decides to unblock you and try to contact you again. She sounds extremely emotionally disturbed and I think it's likely she may come out of the woodwork and try to contact you again. This woman needs to be out of your life for good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted June 18, 2023 Share Posted June 18, 2023 2 hours ago, Shirtwearer said: She sent a voice message asking if I still love her as before and then I went to call her and dropped the bomb. She started insulting me and talking in a quite scary way and then hung up, kept insulting and cursing in messages and saying she doesn't care and that she wants me to die, then blocked me. Feels pretty bad and I really hope she won't be unrepairably broken. I'll [ ] miss her but the time, freed up space in mind and removed responsibility for her will be good. Please. For the love of all that’s green, let this woman go for good. You are doing ok. Walk away. Good job. Link to post Share on other sites
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