Grandma being shady? or concerned?

[Kassieee]

My grandma and her side comments...

She says im too comfortable, whatever that means to her.

She says I dance too much ( party, socialize) 

And that she wants me to get married before she dies.

Mind you, this lady hasn't been in my life. I see her once a year probably, she never calls to say happy birthday or anything. The kicker is, she abandoned her family, husband and kids, and moved to a different country. Left her kids with their father. She said she had to find herself...till this day all she does is travel. So why is she pushing marriage on me, if it too much for her? She doesn't even ask if thats what I want for my life. And when she's around family she locks herself in a room, irritated. 

I just tell her good guys are hard to come by. 🤷‍♀️ 

 

Edited June 16, 2023 by justaskingok

[basil67]

Grumpy old lady with nothing better to do than give unwanted opinions.   Thankfully you only see her once a year!    

Since you like to dance, go dance to this and shake her words off 

 

 

Edited June 16, 2023 by basil67

[Kassieee]

Just now, basil67 said:

Grumpy old lady with nothing better to do than give unwanted opinions.   Thankfully you only see her once a year!    

Since you like to dance, go dance to this and shake her words off

 

That is so funny you can tell she's a grumpy lady just from this post because she's known as the grumpy lady IRL to many people 🤣 

I was giving her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she's coming from a good place but doesn't know how to express herself properly.

[basil67]

Even if she could express herself properly, she has no business telling you how to behave.   So yeah, just ignore her

[Lotsgoingon]

Might be her own regret talking, not any real desire to control you. More likely, she wants you to avoid the steps she took and avoid the exile from her family that she endured. Grandma didn't fill you into her inner feelings and old people miss an opportunity when they skip over their own motives. 

Lots of times advice that seems controlling actually just reveals a regret that the speaker (older) has. I knew well a family where the parents obsessed to their sons about not making a girl pregnant. Guess who was pregnant before they got married--the parents who were doing all this preaching. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, justaskingok said:

And that she wants me to get married before she dies.

Seems very old country to want the grandchildren married off before she dies. Nothing personal, just that generation and culture. As far as the other stuff about "youth today!!",  just ignore it. 

[ShyViolet]

Why are you even letting the words of someone you see once a year get to you?  She has no power over you.  Her opinions are irrelevant, really.  Live your life and ignore her.

[glows]

These are the words out of practically every parent and grandparent transposing their desires and life expectations on the younger generation. I think most people want to appear less judgmental and demanding but it’s very rarely the case. I’d take it tongue in cheek and not pay much attention. 

What struck me in what you wrote was not having her in your life and the way you feel now. Does it upset you that you don’t have a relationship with her, as your grandmother, because of what she did leaving? I’d want to know why that bothers me or why I feel resentful if I feel that way. She could say other things to you that sound nice but will always feel more of a mockery if you’re resentful of her for leaving.

Maybe others in your family also influence you to think a certain way about her. In reality nothing she says would matter if she hasn’t played much of a role in your life and yet what she does say DOES bother you - why? 

Edited June 17, 2023 by glows