Dejuan Posted June 19, 2023 Share Posted June 19, 2023 Hi I’m really going through it my wife of 14 years left me 4 months ago we talk off and on we have 6 kids when she first left me she said there’s no hope for us getting back together she moved into her own place a month ago she made it clear that she was seeing other guys She came over for to see me last week we enjoyed each other company it felt like old times we had good love and everything seemed normal The next day she started acting cold towards me and told me that we still not getting back together and not to contact unless it’s about the kids I’m really confused because she was just telling me the other night that she misses me and that she wouldn’t rule out us getting back together she also said she doesn’t like me and isn’t attracted to me anymore that I don’t know how to love her right and she deserves better Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 19, 2023 Share Posted June 19, 2023 When she came over - did you have sex with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 19, 2023 Share Posted June 19, 2023 1 hour ago, Dejuan said: Hi I’m really going through it my wife of 14 years left me 4 months ago we talk off and on we have 6 kids. when she first left me she said there’s no hope for us getting back together she moved into her own place a month ago Sorry this happened. Are you legally married? If so, have you contacted an attorney for support information and advice? What were the reasons she left? Did you have any assets together such as a house? You'll need to dissolve the marriage and protect yourself. Sadly when someone moves out, it's over. She's being friendly for the sake of coparenting. Are any of the children under 18 or living with you or her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dejuan Posted June 19, 2023 Author Share Posted June 19, 2023 1 hour ago, S2B said: When she came over - did you have sex with her? Yes we had sex Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dejuan Posted June 19, 2023 Author Share Posted June 19, 2023 28 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. Are you legally married? If so, have you contacted an attorney for support information and advice? What were the reasons she left? Did you have any assets together such as a house? You'll need to dissolve the marriage and protect yourself. Sadly when someone moves out, it's over. She's being friendly for the sake of coparenting. Are any of the children under 18 or living with you or her? All our children are under 18 they currently live with her we don’t own any assets yes we are legally married She really really hot and cold towards me one minute she friendly and when things don’t go her way or I don’t do what she what’s she turns real cold and tell me to move on but she the only that contacts me Link to post Share on other sites
Ageless Wisdom23 Posted June 19, 2023 Share Posted June 19, 2023 It may be she was feeling like she was in a relationship rut and Also, She may have only known you as her First Love. I would not trust 🤔her to return and if So, Never for long. She is hot and cold like a faucet and a fickle pickle. Perhaps speak to a lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dejuan Posted June 19, 2023 Author Share Posted June 19, 2023 Thanks for taking the time to read and reply we been together for 18 years it’s so hard to deal with we both are each other first love Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted June 20, 2023 Share Posted June 20, 2023 12 hours ago, Dejuan said: Yes we had sex I think she saw it as one last time for old times sake. You obviously thought because you had sex that you were back together. That's not what she wants and you need to accept that. Do not have sex with her again. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 20, 2023 Share Posted June 20, 2023 12 hours ago, Dejuan said: All our children are under 18 they currently live with her we don’t own any assets yes we are legally married. Why does she want to separate/divorce? You must have some idea before she moved out with the children what the problems were. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted June 20, 2023 Share Posted June 20, 2023 Three decades ago I was in your shoes, when my wife went from being my best friend into becoming my worst enemy. And I fell into the bottomless pit wondering whether I might someday be able to laugh again. And like you, out of the blue she would call and start to talk about how much she missed me and and whether she was making a big mistake. At first I would think, maybe we have a chance. But deep down I no longer trusted her. The weirdest call came about 5 years later, when out of the blue, after not hearing from her for a couple of years she called late one night and wanted to know if we could see each other again. To which I said NO! Years later I figured out it probably was around the night before she re-married. Like ours it too failed. My perspective 30 plus years later! Some years back I Googled her name and found a couple of pictures with her prize winning dog. In the looks department, the years have not been kind to her. She had easily doubled in weight. While I have shared the last 25 years of my life with a good looking long legged (skater legs) woman who weight hovers in the 110's. And she is one the nicest, sweetest people most every body has ever met and I have never had to worry about her leaving me. Once she fell in love with me, that was it. Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted June 20, 2023 Share Posted June 20, 2023 It's kind of strange that a woman would live her husband for no reason or even for another guy given that they've been together for 18 years and that they have six (!!!) kids together. Are you sure there was nothing going on in your marriage or there was something that the was constantly unhappy about? Bit really, nothing much you can do if she if she doesn't want to stay married any longer. Suggest a marriage counseling to her as a last ditch to try to save your marriage. Try an individual counselling to get a better grip of your emotions and to be able to deal with the grief. Go see a lawyer and start a divorce proceedings. If she wants out, give her out but be there for your children. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dejuan Posted June 20, 2023 Author Share Posted June 20, 2023 1 hour ago, Alvi said: It's kind of strange that a woman would live her husband for no reason or even for another guy given that they've been together for 18 years and that they have six (!!!) kids together. Are you sure there was nothing going on in your marriage or there was something that the was constantly unhappy about? Bit really, nothing much you can do if she if she doesn't want to stay married any longer. Suggest a marriage counseling to her as a last ditch to try to save your marriage. Try an individual counselling to get a better grip of your emotions and to be able to deal with the grief. Go see a lawyer and start a divorce proceedings. If she wants out, give her out but be there for your children. She basically said that she can’t deal with my ways and I can’t keep her happy for long that she feels alone with me I stuck around and fought for my marriage after she cheated on me twice with two separate guys I feel that she want to have her cake and eat it too Im not perfect and I might not have gave her the attention she needed but I am a working man trying to provide for our family she also was working we got away from doing the things that made both of us happy I also believe my wife is bipolar or a narcissist She love attention from other guys Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 20, 2023 Share Posted June 20, 2023 5 hours ago, Dejuan said: She basically said that she can’t deal with my ways and I can’t keep her happy for long that she feels alone with me I stuck around and fought for my marriage after she cheated on me twice with two separate guys I feel that she want to have her cake and eat it too Im not perfect and I might not have gave her the attention she needed but I am a working man trying to provide for our family she also was working we got away from doing the things that made both of us happy I also believe my wife is bipolar or a narcissist She love attention from other guys What are your "ways"? When she says that she feels alone with you, does this mean that even in your presence she feels disconnected? In what ways did you fight for your marriage after she cheated? What did you change? Also, best to drop the armchair diagnosing. There's nothing in any of what you've written which describes a mental illness Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted June 21, 2023 Share Posted June 21, 2023 15 hours ago, Dejuan said: She loves attention from other guys Then there's a strong chance she wasn't faithful while you were together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dejuan Posted June 21, 2023 Author Share Posted June 21, 2023 6 hours ago, JTSW said: Then there's a strong chance she wasn't faithful while you were together. She wasn’t Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dejuan Posted June 21, 2023 Author Share Posted June 21, 2023 I just want this heartache to go away Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted June 21, 2023 Share Posted June 21, 2023 How are you managing shared custody with the kids? Do you have a lawyer? She left the marital home so who cares for the kids while you’re working? Do you work full time, able to maintain the home? According to you she has cheated multiple times or more than once. She’s now gone or hot/cold. Why live like this in this dysfunctional relationship? You deserve better. Start finding support. Talk to other single parents, speak privately to a therapist or counsellor about how to manage the stress of separation and parenting while working. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dejuan Posted June 22, 2023 Author Share Posted June 22, 2023 1 hour ago, glows said: How are you managing shared custody with the kids? Do you have a lawyer? She left the marital home so who cares for the kids while you’re working? Do you work full time, able to maintain the home? According to you she has cheated multiple times or more than once. She’s now gone or hot/cold. Why live like this in this dysfunctional relationship? You deserve better. Start finding support. Talk to other single parents, speak privately to a therapist or counsellor about how to manage the stress of separation and parenting while working. Yeah she cheated more then one she also left me for someone else for 8 months I been trying to stay away and give her space but she will contact me about something every other day Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 22, 2023 Share Posted June 22, 2023 On 6/19/2023 at 6:36 PM, Dejuan said: All our children are under 18 they currently live with her we don’t own any assets. Does she work full time? And your 6 children under 18 are with her in her new place full time? How does she find the time to do all this alleged cheating? After being married 14 years you must have an idea what the issues were with you two. Moving out with the children suggests there was quite a bit more problems than "she's a narcissist". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dejuan Posted June 22, 2023 Author Share Posted June 22, 2023 54 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Does she work full time? And your 6 children under 18 are with her in her new place full time? How does she find the time to do all this alleged cheating? After being married 14 years you must have an idea what the issues were with you two. Moving out with the children suggests there was quite a bit more problems than "she's a narcissist". Our oldest is 17 she work from home my ex that is Only reason she gave me was that I can’t love her the way she deserves to be loved and she’s not attracted to me anymorE Throught our 18 year relationship every four or five months she will find a excuse to leave and come back weeks later this has been a pattern I do have my flaws when we have a disagreement we both say stuff outta angry that we don’t mean I also complain about the house not being clean when I come home from work and she says I complain to much other then that I felt like we had a great marriage when I told her that last week she agreed Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 22, 2023 Share Posted June 22, 2023 Perhaps you can work on yourself and your anger? That could help you either way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 22, 2023 Share Posted June 22, 2023 You've got six children and your wife works. Why do you complain to your wife that the house is a mess? It's the job of ALL OF YOU to keep the house clean and tidy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dejuan Posted June 22, 2023 Author Share Posted June 22, 2023 40 minutes ago, basil67 said: You've got six children and your wife works. Why do you complain to your wife that the house is a mess? It's the job of ALL OF YOU to keep the house clean and tidy. I clean the house before work every morning from top to bottom I don’t expect to clean when I get off my wife be so busy with her work it seems she didn’t care about anything else Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 22, 2023 Share Posted June 22, 2023 1 hour ago, Dejuan said: I clean the house before work every morning from top to bottom I don’t expect to clean when I get off my wife be so busy with her work it seems she didn’t care about anything else Aside from the daily things like cleaning the kitchen after use, making beds and putting stuff away and the odd bit of spot cleaning, a house generally needs a good clean once a week and a deeper clean every few months. Why are you cleaning it top to bottom every morning? And why do you want your wife to repeat the cleaning after you've already done it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted June 22, 2023 Share Posted June 22, 2023 (edited) If you want to complain about it not being clean - then keep cleaning it. But know that your complaining has lead (in part) to the demise of your marriage. If she was The one complaining - I’d tell her to clean it. but really - if you knew this was going to lead to the end of your marriage - why didn’t you simply hire someone to clean it once a week and request everyone in the house to clean up their own messes they make every day? You do have the ability to NOT complain. Edited June 22, 2023 by S2B 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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