elias23 Posted June 20, 2023 Share Posted June 20, 2023 For contex: Me and my girlfriend had a really big fight yesterday where i told her how i feel and how i am perceiving her treatment to me. I want to stay together and she wants to put an effort in to it. This is what she wrote me this morning "Good morning. First of all, I really have to apologize to you. I didn't realize to what extent I had disappointed you and that you were already out with one foot. You do not deserve my attitude towards you for the last 2 months. I also don't want such conversations to become something common and normal. I think my actions are the result of insecurity and self-sabotage, and I don't know where such a desire for chaos comes from in me. It breaks my heart that I can think of you as a safe space by myself, and you are just waiting for me to break in and leave. This is not normal and it is not ok. The relationship has been one-sided for too long and it's time for me to move on a bit. I'm very grateful for your patience, but now it's time to hold me accountable. I agree with you that you cannot approve of me as I am now. You deserve everything, but I have to get myself in order. I really want to do my best for you, because you are also unique and I know what I have. I really know. I wish you a nice day and if you really want to spend some time alone or to think it over, that's perfectly fine." And i really need help with the answer because i do not know how to formulate it thank you all Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted June 20, 2023 Share Posted June 20, 2023 She has acknowledged her bad behaviour which is good. She is giving you the option to have a break from her if that's what you want. If it's not then tell her. Tell her what you would like your relationship to be going forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 20, 2023 Share Posted June 20, 2023 (edited) 31 minutes ago, elias23 said: . I wish you a nice day and if you really want to spend some time alone or to think it over, that's perfectly fine." Sorry this is happening. How long were you dating? How old is she? What were the conflicts about? There must have been something that led to all this. It's good you got closure. Even though this is a very elaborate form of "it's me, not you" it does help you and does set you free. It's confusing only because the "it's me, not you" explanation is so elaborate and embellished. Try not to drag it out or stay friends. It seems like she's permanently exiting the relationship with the "needs to work on herself" explanation. Edited June 20, 2023 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted June 20, 2023 Share Posted June 20, 2023 What is this chaos thing she’s talking about and self-sabotage? Has your mental health dwindled while dating her? Check in on how you’re doing after all this. Avoid the same unhealthy patterns. Link to post Share on other sites
Ageless Wisdom23 Posted June 20, 2023 Share Posted June 20, 2023 She feels it is time to take some space and see how it goes. It was thoughtful and😪 mature of her to write you. Take some time for you and to think and then get back to her. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 21, 2023 Share Posted June 21, 2023 Can you give us some more context, OP? What is the chaotic behaviour she is talking about, and do you want to try again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author elias23 Posted June 22, 2023 Author Share Posted June 22, 2023 Chaotic behavior is that for the past 2 months(she started working at new job in new city) is she almost not making any time for me/for use if we agree on a certain date for facetime whatever she is too hangover from the night before or she postpones it because someone has written to her if she wants to hang out and i am always left out Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 22, 2023 Share Posted June 22, 2023 2 hours ago, elias23 said: she is too hangover from the night before or she postpones it because someone has written to her if she wants to hang out and i am always left out Unfortunately this seems to be why she's ending it. She simply wants to party more than be in a relationship. It's possible her new job, coworkers, lifestyle, friends, etc. is all about being free to drink and party. Perhaps there's someone new, perhaps she just wants the freedom to party. There's no point pursuing it. What she sent you was basically a breakup text. Stay no contact. Reflect if you even want someone like this in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
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