How do you dissociate from people you live with?

[Kassieee]

I don't want to talk to my mom, by that I mean conversate, or be in the same room for too long....but how would I go about that during special occasions without making others seeing there's something off or making them feel weird (potentially). There's times she has to talk to me but I don't want to give her the time of day. How can I shoo her away without being mean?

[Kassieee]

22 minutes ago, justaskingok said:

I don't want to talk to my mom, by that I mean conversate, or be in the same room for too long....but how would I go about that during special occasions without making others seeing there's something off or making them feel weird (potentially). There's times she has to talk to me but I don't want to give her the time of day. How can I shoo her away without being mean?

I also try to skip out on family occasions as much as possible but this one I have to go to as I am a bridesmaid..lord help me

[Kassieee]

And tell me if this is petty.... some of my aunts are coming over to get their mustaches and eye brows waxed, my mom wants hers done, I don't want to do it. I can't stomach it.

Edited June 23, 2023 by justaskingok

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, justaskingok said:

And tell me if this is petty.... some of my aunts are coming over to get their mustaches and eye brows waxed, my mom wants hers done, I don't want to do it. I can't stomach it.

No, it's not petty...

Personally, I prefer a hairless upperlip and well-groomed eyebrows. But a hairy chest and unkempt beard are A-OK.

[Kassieee]

31 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

No, it's not petty...

Personally, I prefer a hairless upperlip and well-groomed eyebrows. But a hairy chest and unkempt beard are A-OK.

So what should I tell her? 

Usually I tell her...sorry..figure it out for yourself, I can't you.

[Kassieee]

I won't feel bad. Because as a kid she had me looking like a runned down, unkept. And I went about a year with a period and no pads. No question I shouldn't do anything for her.

Apart of me does feel icky about doing as she did me, I can't lie. Here we go with the over thinking.

Edited June 23, 2023 by justaskingok

[glows]

Pick your battles. It’s frustrating having to talk to someone you resent but live with. Keep telling yourself living with her won’t be forever and focus on moving out. 

As much as it pains you keep your emotions in check during family events or with others around. Mingle with others at a party or event. The trade off of keeping the peace is that you get to spend MORE energy on things you love and people you like spending time with. Getting angry or worrying what your mother is saying or how she’s reacting will drain you.

In regards to this one particular waxing event - If she wants to get herself waxed, her decision. Don’t get involved in what she wants. If you want to get it done for yourself then get it done and go meet friends afterwards and excuse yourself early. End story. You don’t have to stay for the whole event. Move on with the day.

 

[basil67]

You titled this "people you live with".  So I take it that you live with your mom?   If you hate her so much, move out and be independent.   

[NuevoYorko]

How old are you?  Please answer honestly.

[Alpacalia]

19 hours ago, justaskingok said:

So what should I tell her? 

Usually I tell her...sorry..figure it out for yourself, I can't you.

Do you really care if your mum and her aunt decide to wax themselves? Is this something of significance to you? If it's not something you'd like to be involved in, then don't be.

Edited June 24, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

Well if you live at home it's going to be more difficult. All you can do is stay super busy with work and school. Be out of the house as much as possible. 

Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses and broaden your social horizons.

This way you can make friends meet people have somewhere to go and be productive making money and furthering your financial independence and future.

Be busy doing more important things so you don't hang around getting sucked into the void.

 

[ShyViolet]

22 hours ago, justaskingok said:

And tell me if this is petty.... some of my aunts are coming over to get their mustaches and eye brows waxed, my mom wants hers done, I don't want to do it. I can't stomach it.

This just seems strange to me, I've been doing my own facial waxing my whole life.  You just buy a box of wax strips from the drug store.  It's not rocket science.  I don't see why you have to do it for them.

[Kassieee]

2 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

This just seems strange to me, I've been doing my own facial waxing my whole life.  You just buy a box of wax strips from the drug store.  It's not rocket science.  I don't see why you have to do it for them.

I have a wax pot

[ShyViolet]

8 minutes ago, justaskingok said:

I have a wax pot

That does not change what I said above.  That still doesn't mean you have to do it for other people.

[MsJayne]

I'm not sure if I have this right, correct  me if I don't. You live with your mother, and you don't like her because she was neglectful while you were growing up. You're in a wedding party and the family women are coming to you for their waxing.  You don't want to do their waxing because you can't stomach it.  Why? Is it a major operation? Are they haired-up like gorilla's? Magnum PI moustaches? You could respond in a number of ways.  You could just not be available, or you could just refuse to do it, or you could do it and make a mess of it so they don't ever ask again.  Send them off to the wedding with one eyebrow. 

[glows]

1 hour ago, justaskingok said:

I have a wax pot

Why not leave the wax pot at home and leave the house for the day.

You’ve asked how to dissociate. It starts with caring less. I don’t particularly think dissociating all the time is healthy but it is a coping mechanism if you need to be around some people less. At the moment you might not be able to change your living arrangements and live at home. So this is a short term solution you might also carry later on with you. You do not have to be present for every event asked or you. You are not responsible for everyone’s happiness. Don’t be a people pleaser. It is ok to move on with the day. 

[Alpacalia]

If she asks you to wax her facial hair, let her know that you are not comfortable with doing that.

Unless, of course, you actually are a professional waxologist in disguise. 

Rather than stressing over the hair on her face, you could pause to marvel at the moon and count the stars twinkling in the night sky.

Clearly, this transcends beyond her asking you to wax them. You and your mom don't have to be best friends—but you do have to find a way to coexist peacefully while living under her roof. Set realistic expectations for both of you, so that you both can coexist peacefully.

[basil67]

I think it's vastly inappropriate of you to be living with your mom when you are unwilling to engage with her.  Unless you are still in high school, it's way past time to move out.

[Ageless Wisdom23]

Be the bigger person and make the best of the day.  I wish my own Mom was still around.  She died of Cancer.😒  Many times Mom's have inner issues we don't understand but we sometimes need to overlook them.

[Kassieee]

 

12 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I think it's vastly inappropriate of you to be living with your mom when you are unwilling to engage with her.  Unless you are still in high school, it's way past time to move out.

Thanks for your opinion.

[Kassieee]

1 minute ago, Ageless Wisdom23 said:

Be the bigger person and make the best of the day.  I wish my own Mom was still around.  She died of Cancer.😒  Many times Mom's have inner issues we don't understand but we sometimes need to overlook them.

Right! I always think that. How would it make me feel later in life. She makes it hard though.

[Kassieee]

5 hours ago, MsJayne said:

I'm not sure if I have this right, correct  me if I don't. You live with your mother, and you don't like her because she was neglectful while you were growing up. You're in a wedding party and the family women are coming to you for their waxing.  You don't want to do their waxing because you can't stomach it.  Why? Is it a major operation? Are they haired-up like gorilla's? Magnum PI moustaches? You could respond in a number of ways.  You could just not be available, or you could just refuse to do it, or you could do it and make a mess of it so they don't ever ask again.  Send them off to the wedding with one eyebrow. 

I don't mind doing my aunts facial. I just can't stomach doing my mom's. Not sure if you can view my older posts on my profile. It will explain more why it's hard for me to do anything for her.

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, justaskingok said:

. It will explain more why it's hard for me to do anything for her.

Exactly. This is why you should be focused on your job and even second jobs so you can move out and get peace.

[basil67]

 

1 hour ago, justaskingok said:

 

Thanks for your opinion.

Seriously though, what's the good of complaining if you're not going to do anything about it?   What steps towards moving out have you taken?

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, justaskingok said:

How do you dissociate from people you live with?

Short answer? Move out. It's a more permanent solution than just being busy or avoiding them. This way you can see them when and if you want to visit.