Anxiety Symptom?

[FMW]

I have occasional bouts of depression as a normal part of my life.  I'm usually able to "treat" them with over-the-counter supplements, never had the need for prescription meds.  This current bout has lasted a few weeks now (nothing serious, just down,sad and overly emotional).  Also more frequent in the past few weeks has been something that only very occasionally has happened over the past few years.  I am hyper-sensitive to the proximity of people around me, even when they aren't necessarily pushing past generally acceptable boundaries.  It's not just a discomfort, it's a physical reaction where I feel like I'm kind of vibrating and want to yell "get away from me!".  Fortunately, I am able to restrain myself from actually yelling 🙂 but it's still a really unpleasant feeling.

I'm guessing it's maybe an anxiety thing.  I've never felt like I had anxiety attacks, but maybe that's what this actually is.  Anyone experienced something similar?  

I'm involved with a musician and rarely miss any of his shows, but I'm skipping one tonight because I just don't feel up to dealing with being in public.  I have a hot date with a bubble bath planned.  I'm hoping this bout passes very soon, I don't want it to disrupt my regular social schedule.  

[Alpacalia]

Yes, it sounds like anxiety.

It's not uncommon for them to co-exist simultaneously (i.e. depression and anxiety).

33 minutes ago, FMW said:

I am hyper-sensitive to the proximity of people around me, even when they aren't necessarily pushing past generally acceptable boundaries.  It's not just a discomfort, it's a physical reaction where I feel like I'm kind of vibrating and want to yell "get away from me!".  Fortunately, I am able to restrain myself from actually yelling 🙂 but it's still a really unpleasant feeling.

I'm guessing it's maybe an anxiety thing.  I've never felt like I had anxiety attacks, but maybe that's what this actually is.  Anyone experienced something similar?  

That's a valid question and a really tough one to answer without a better understanding of what is causing it. It might be related to depression, anxiety, or a traumatic event. Maybe it's related to your current bouts of depression and anxiety, and how you're perceiving people and their presence in your life.

Exploring the sources of your anxiety and finding support can be helpful.

I used to be filled with fear whenever I encountered an escalator when descending. I actively avoided these situations for a while. To combat this, I make an effort to ride the escalator, even if it's not necessary, to essentially desensitize myself to the anxiety.

I hope that you can learn to manage your anxieties about people in your vicinity. Sounds like you're practicing using mindful techniques and good coping strategies that can help you feel calmer in these situations.

Edited June 23, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Lotsgoingon]

Share these symptoms with a doctor. Sounds like it could be anxiety. But you could have some kind of sensory processing issue. 

Also, in my experience, people who say I'm only a little depressed are often a lot depressed. When depression deepens, it can produce all sorts of weird symptoms.  Why no medical or psychological treatment? OTC stuff isn't regulated in the least. You don't even know what percentage of active ingredient you're really getting. Is finances the problem?

[Wiseman2]

On 6/23/2023 at 2:45 PM, FMW said:

 I'm involved with a musician and rarely miss any of his shows, but I'm skipping one tonight because I just don't feel up to dealing with being in public

You're probably in an environment you're not comfortable with just to please the BF.  Relax and decompress with some alone time. People need to recharge their batteries once in a while. Step back from attending all his shows and figure out some things you can do that recharge rather than deplete you.

Live your own life and see your BF one-on-one. You don't really need to be in an audience when the crowd and noise is getting to you.

Edited June 25, 2023 by Wiseman2

[FMW]

@Lotsgoingon Money isn't an issue, I just really feel strongly about not taking pharmaceuticals unless there is a pressing need.  I know people who definitely have brain chemical imbalances and need the assistance, but it comes with the cost of unpleasant side effects and dependence.  Certainly not something to be undertaken lightly.  The over-the-counter supplements I take are just vitamins (D), minerals (Magnesium) and naturally occurring amino acids (5HTP).  My doctor is aware of what I take.

I've considered counseling, but I generally feel like it would be indulgent for me in that I just need to guard my boundaries better and stop allowing others to drain me emotionally.  As @Wiseman2suggested, I need to stop doing things that deplete me. 

The bottom line is I need to take care of myself and know when to say no - to favors, to going out, and other things that I don't want to do.  I feel selfish when I do that, but the alternative is where I find myself right now - burned out.  

[Lotsgoingon]

You're being hard on yourself and wildy naive. I just need to guard my boundaries is like saying I just need to get 8.5 hours of sleep a night, and an hour of exercise everyday and eat vegan and just exercise an hour a day to get in shape. 

Setting boundaries goes back to our fundamental wounding. It's not a "just do it." Doing it is impossible for some people until they practice and practice and shift their brain thinking. The guilt you feel is evidence that you CAN'T set boundaries without help. That the word "indulgent" pops up in your brain just shows that you're blocking your own growth and freedom. 

In other words, your lost here. You're covering your own eyes and saying "I can figure out where I want to go." 

I could guarantee you'll be back here in three years having made ZERO progress on boundaries if you don't get help. Guarantee. 

[FMW]

Thanks for your thoughts, I'll give that serious thought. 

Feeling guilty comes from my childhood, I've always been told to be thankful for all my blessings - which are many - and basically to suck it up.  And for the most part that's how I feel I should be, so anything else IS being indulgent and weak.  As for boundaries, my mother has never respected those and so I learned from a very early age to go along to get along.  It's hard to "un-learn" that pattern, although I think the fact that I recognize where it started and that it's still in play IS progress.  

[glows]

I learned this fairly late in life as well. Stop people pleasing. You’re not responsible for being his only support either. I recall vaguely that your bf does suffer from depression - is this the case? And does he have treatment for it or adequate support for his own mental health? Ie you not being the only person he relies on.

In addition to the public events perhaps home life is depleting you as well. Learn to say no. No to events that don’t benefit you or bring enjoyment or when rest is more of a priority than being there all the time. No to your partner when it’s time to take care of you. And I hope he does respect that as well, truly, without making you feel guilty or isn’t passive aggressive.

There is no you and there is no relationship without you feeling well and good enough to be your own person and a partner in a relationship. Consider taking care of yourself and self-care as a top most priority. 

[FMW]

My bf does have mental health issues and does require medication to function well, although as anyone who has experience with it knows it doesn't always work well.  He doesn't make me feel guilty or react badly when I say no, although after 4 years together he is used to me keeping things rolling along and helping him/being there for him.  I've set that pattern and I want to be that person for him - but as you pointed out, if I don't take care of myself I can't be there for him or anyone else.  We don't live together, and I do usually take a break from seeing him for three days during the work week. My work requires a lot of focus and attention and I need the space.  

My mother will be 77 soon and although she's very active and involved in her community I'm seeing cognitive changes that include her being more demanding of my attention in ways I feel are unreasonable.  My father passed several years ago and I'm her only child.  For the first time last week I finally pushed back on something she said and expressed, respectfully, my feelings about the issue even though it was very uncomfortable for me.  It's becoming a necessity now for me to learn to stand up for myself even though it's uncomfortable at this stage of my life to flip that switch.  

I think a big part of my issue right now is that I'm burned out in all areas of my life and need a break.  In a few weeks I'm going back to Europe with my guy for him to play festivals and other shows.  We'll also have time to do sightseeing and go to museums, castles, etc.  I'm hoping it will be the mental break I need to get back into a more calm state of mind. I haven't had more than a long weekend away since I went with him on his European tour exactly one year ago, and it was a wonderful escape from work and other daily stresses at home.  So it's a long overdue vacation for me in beautiful and interesting new (for me) locations.