Allperspectiveswelcome Posted June 24, 2023 Share Posted June 24, 2023 My boyfriend of 4 months recently said he was going out paddle boarding with one of his female friends he used to work with, they went he told me all about it and there was no problem. 2 weeks later they have gone out paddle boarding again together, he told me and again there was no problem. Am I wrong to feel jealous? He says they have been friends a couple years and that nothing has ever happened or would ever happen and I do trust him but what does the friend think, how do they interact with each other. Feel like I am being crazy but I don't like it. I also wonder would he have done something like this when he was with his ex girlfriend or is he pushing the boundaries to see what i will allow.... Advice please. Link to post Share on other sites
Ageless Wisdom23 Posted June 24, 2023 Share Posted June 24, 2023 (edited) You are a brand new couple so maybe he still feels he has the right to do Whatever with his female friends. I am not sure if you are exclusive or even official but I find it Odd he is not taking you along and is spending this time alone with her. If you are in a Relationship, It is inappropriate and to go again Paddle Boarding? He has YOU for this. I don't care for it nor do I trust that something else was not here once U😗pon a Time......Talk to him. Edited June 24, 2023 by Ageless Wisdom23 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Allperspectiveswelcome Posted June 24, 2023 Author Share Posted June 24, 2023 Thanks for your comment. So, I am not a strong swimmer and can't go paddle boarding, he has been trying to teach me though. I really don't know how to broach the subject without sounding insane. I know he wouldn't like it if the tables were turned. X Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 24, 2023 Share Posted June 24, 2023 1 hour ago, Allperspectiveswelcome said: I also wonder would he have done something like this when he was with his ex girlfriend Why do you wonder this? What has his ex got to do with it? 1 hour ago, Allperspectiveswelcome said: but what does the friend think, how do they interact with each other. Why don't you suggest you catching up with them for a drink or something after they paddle-board? You might turn out to like her, and it will give you a better idea of their dynamic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 24, 2023 Share Posted June 24, 2023 (edited) 1 hour ago, Allperspectiveswelcome said: My boyfriend of 4 months recently said he was going out paddle boarding with one of his female friends he used to work with, they went he told me all about it and there was no problem. 2 weeks later they have gone out paddle boarding again together, What kinds of things do you two do together? What kinds of activities and hobbies do you both enjoy? How old is he? Are there other people on these outings or just the two of them? 16 weeks dating is a good time to observe and evaluate your happiness and compatibility in a situation. In this case he simply announces that he has paddlboard dates with female friend, rather than finding fun dates for you two. What's the point of that? Edited June 24, 2023 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 24, 2023 Share Posted June 24, 2023 1 hour ago, Allperspectiveswelcome said: , I am not a strong swimmer and can't go paddle boarding, he has been trying to teach me though. I really don't know how to broach the subject without sounding insane. There's nothing to broach at this point. You're uncomfortable because he's sort of dating her instead of being with you. How important is paddleboarding anyway? If he's out with her, stay busy with other things and don't let him come over for sex after a fun day with his "friend" . Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted June 24, 2023 Share Posted June 24, 2023 9 hours ago, Allperspectiveswelcome said: Thanks for your comment. So, I am not a strong swimmer and can't go paddle boarding, he has been trying to teach me though. I really don't know how to broach the subject without sounding insane. I know he wouldn't like it if the tables were turned. X You can wear a life vest and stay close to shore, paddle with him or make sure you have a buddy. Opt for calm waters like quiet or smaller lakes and not open ocean or large windy lakes. He found someone he enjoys this hobby with. I second the question above - what hobbies and interests do you share together? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted June 24, 2023 Share Posted June 24, 2023 I don't think a guy having a female friend is necessarily, automatically, a bad thing. There are a lot of variables. It is totally possible for two humans beings of the opposite sex to have a platonic friendship. But it's also possible for more to be going on. We don't know the details. Have you met her? Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted June 24, 2023 Share Posted June 24, 2023 He wants someone to go paddle-boarding with, you're not available, so he goes with someone else. The only problem I'm seeing is that if, and it's a big if, he's choosing to do an activity with a female friend as a way of goading you into being more adventurous, that's not cool. But if he's just enjoying a sport with a like-minded person because he feels safer with a swim-buddy, or he wants someone to chat to while he paddles, there's nothing wrong with that. No different to if he went paddle-boarding with another guy. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 24, 2023 Share Posted June 24, 2023 (edited) I agree that you could participate if accommodations are made. A life vest should be essential if you're a poor swimmer, along with paddling in closed waters in good weather. Meanwhile, get yourself into adult swim lessons. Even if things don't work out with this guy, being a competent swimmer is a life skill...even just being able to swim 100m. Do you plan to have kids one day? If so, you should be able to swim. Edited June 24, 2023 by basil67 typo 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 24, 2023 Share Posted June 24, 2023 Now if you are the type that doesn't like male female friendships, then don't date this guy, period. I don't think it's fair for you to put your foot down over this. They have been friends way before you, so IMO you have no place to tell him to cut off this friendship. I agree, you don't need to know how to swim if you have a life jacket on. I say stop making excuses get out there and go with them. Enjoy and embrace the people in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Allperspectiveswelcome Posted June 26, 2023 Author Share Posted June 26, 2023 Thanks everyone. We get on great, we met at a running club and enjoy going for runs together. We both love being outdoors, hill walking, I have started swimming so we have been doing some wild swimming on our walks I'm just bit confident YET. We both love concerts and generally have similar tastes. I have no doubts about our compatability. The topic actually came up, so we were able to talk about it without me sounding crazy. She is just a friend but he admitted he wouldn't like it if the roles were reversed. I haven't met her as its just early days but he says I would like her. I do trust him and it's one of these things I will just have to accept. I know my previous male friends have always had a flirty element to them and therefore, I am not close friends with males but others are different I guess. Thanks. X Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted June 28, 2023 Share Posted June 28, 2023 I suggest you meet her to put your mind at rest. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 28, 2023 Share Posted June 28, 2023 (edited) On 6/26/2023 at 9:26 AM, Allperspectiveswelcome said: . She is just a friend but he admitted he wouldn't like it if the roles were reversed. I haven't met her as its just early days but he says I would like her. It's good you talked about it. It seems like your approach was "how would you feel if I did this...?". If you trust him and this is just a sports buddy, that's fine. You don't have to like her or meet her. It's a myth about keep your enemies closer by meeting so-called friends. If they're just friends, they'll act like just friends with you around. If they're more than just friends, they'll still act like just friends with you around, so it's not going to change anything. Edited June 28, 2023 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted June 28, 2023 Share Posted June 28, 2023 I wouldn’t like it if my wife was going out on dates with other men. If it’s me, I’m doing one online activities with a same sex friend, specifically because I know going with a woman can cause, and often will, cause the kinds of insecurities shown in this thread. That’s not something I’d want to inflict on someone I care about. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted June 28, 2023 Share Posted June 28, 2023 15 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: I wouldn’t like it if my wife was going out on dates with other men. He's not going on dates with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 28, 2023 Share Posted June 28, 2023 On 6/26/2023 at 9:26 AM, Allperspectiveswelcome said: he admitted he wouldn't like it if the roles were reversed. I find it interesting that if the roles were reversed he wouldn't like it but he still goes ahead and do it. Now he knows you don't like it very much as you brought it up. What is he going to do? observe well. He could join a group of paddle boarding instead of going 1 on 1 with a woman. Being in a romantic relationship means changing a few things we did as a single person like doing an activity 1 on 1 with someone of opposite sex. At 4 months dating it's time he shows where he stands and it's time he honors your relationship with actions, like dropping this activity. He may not be a cheater but he is putting himself in risky situations. I was at a lake last weekend and a few people were paddle boating, ladies with tiny little bikinis on paddling around...I'm not the jealous type but that type of 1 on 1 activity with a female friend wouldn't fly with me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted June 28, 2023 Share Posted June 28, 2023 (edited) I’d reevaluate where you see this going. You two may be too dissimilar. What’s the point of dating someone who doesn’t share your main interests. Edited June 28, 2023 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
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