I'm a total neat freak. Boyfriend is very messy. Are we incompatible?

[sadkoala]

11 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

At the core of codependency is a feeling of low self worth. 

That sounds like me. I've had low self-esteem my whole life. I still struggle with it today and I'm almost 30

[Dorothe]

Don't like that he gave you an ultimatum. From experience, I can tell you that if he's this messy before he marries you (or commits to moving in with you), he certainly will NOT see the need to change once you live together. By accepting him the way he is, you are communicating that your love for him is greater than your need for them to change to accommodate you. It's unfair that he is pressuring you to let him move in. He probably doesn't see anything wrong with the way he is. There's a reason he's still living at home. As others have cautioned, he is not going to secure gainful employment if he doesn't have personal hygiene or a disciplined life. Just listen to your intuition. Run.