Breakup

[Skyfirewater]

Hi folks, I'll need some advice and help regarding my breakup situation. 

First of all, I'm a guy with 47 and my ex with 46 (47 in November).

The situation is the following:

- on May 28th my girlfriend broke up with me; the reason that she pointed was that she wasn't in love with me anymore;

- on June 8th, after my reflection I've admitted my mistakes; I overwhelmed her with all my shitty problems and was too needy; probably she lost attraction because of that; I asked if it was possible give us a chance and she replied that she needed time to think;

- on June 17th she replied that she was keeping her decision; I've checked the sms message but haven't replied; on the same day I decided moving on and I created a Tinder account;

- on June 24th she block me on Snapchat, but not in WhatsApp (this is what I don't get).

Resuming, I don't have have any contact with her since June 8th. The think is that I'm really in love with her and I've tried reaching out other women's, but I'm not capable and isn't really what I want. 

Thanks for your help.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. 

Don't try to rush into meeting other women right now. You won't be ready to date for a while, and I suspect even casual sexual enounters will set you back. You need time to heal and move on before trying to find other women. 

[Skyfirewater]

36 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. 

Don't try to rush into meeting other women right now. You won't be ready to date for a while, and I suspect even casual sexual enounters will set you back. You need time to heal and move on before trying to find other women. 

Thanks for your reply. That's precisely what I'm feeling right now, it doesn't help meeting other women. The reality is that I want her back and I don't know what to do. I just realized during this NC time frame that I'm truly in love with her, but as I wrote, I'm lost. 

Just forgot to mention that she broke up by video call and confirmed afterwards by sms. We didn't had any face to face conversation, which is more weird. Idk why, but she's avoiding meeting in person.

Edited June 25, 2023 by Skyfirewater

[ExpatInItaly]

2 minutes ago, Skyfirewater said:

The reality is that I want her back and I don't know what to do

All you can do is accept her choice and focus on healing. 

 

[Ageless Wisdom23]

I do not have Snapchat but it defines this As:  A way to capture memories with those you are closest to.  Perhaps  this is too personal for her now that you both have split up but leaves WhatsApp still available for you to contact her.  Go slow now on going on another dating app.  Focus on you.  Anyone right now can be merely a rebound.😗

Edited June 25, 2023 by Ageless Wisdom23

[Skyfirewater]

6 minutes ago, Ageless Wisdom23 said:

I do not have Snapchat but it defines this As:  A way to capture memories with those you are closest to.  Perhaps  this is too personal for her now that you both have split up but leaves WhatsApp still available for you to contact her.  Go slow now on going on another dating app.  Focus on you.  Anyone right now can be merely a rebound.😗

Thanks for your reply.

Yeah, Snapchat was our main communication platform, and perhaps she's trying getting rid of all memories, idk really. Do you think it's a good idea contact her? 

[ExpatInItaly]

6 minutes ago, Skyfirewater said:

Do you think it's a good idea contact her?

For what reason?

She has told you she is confident with her choice to end it. 

[Skyfirewater]

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

For what reason?

She has told you she is confident with her choice to end it. 

You're completely right. My brain it's a complete mess!

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Skyfirewater said:

on June 17th she replied that she was keeping her decision; . I decided moving on and I created a Tinder account. June 24th she block me on Snapchat, 

How long were you dating? What was the breakup about? What problems did you "overwhelm" her with? Unfortunately it doesn't seem salvageable if she blocked you. 

Hopping on tinder may be a distraction, but it won't fix being heartbroken from a breakup.

Try to put this behind you and delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. 

 

Edited June 25, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Skyfirewater]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long were you dating? What was the breakup about? What problems did you "overwhelm" her with? Unfortunately it doesn't seem salvageable if she blocked you. 

Hopping on tinder may be a distraction, but it won't fix being heartbroken from a breakup.

Try to put this behind you and delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. 

 

We were dating for 5 months. Problems with my personal and professional life. I think I've putted a lot of stress and pressure on her with that and she lost the attraction. She block me only on Snapchat, not on WhatsApp. 

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, Skyfirewater said:

We were dating for 5 months. Problems with my personal and professional life. I think I've putted a lot of stress and pressure on her with that and she lost the attraction. She block me only on Snapchat, not on WhatsApp. 

Ok. 20 weeks dating is a good time to see how it's going and in this case there were too many issues and incompatibilities. It's disappointing, but it's time to let go.

Please try not to view overlooking blocking you on one platform as a ray of hope. She has already specifically stated it's not working and it's not going to work.

[ExpatInItaly]

21 minutes ago, Skyfirewater said:

Problems with my personal and professional life. I think I've putted a lot of stress and pressure on her with that

In what way? Were you picking arguments? Not available to her? 

[Skyfirewater]

8 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

In what way? Were you picking arguments? Not available to her? 

No arguing, no fighting at all. I just was complaining about my problems all the time and probably got a bit depressed. That was my problem, too needy. Regarding availability, maybe was too much from me, I mean I was always available.

Edited June 25, 2023 by Skyfirewater

[ShyViolet]

You need to leave her alone and accept her decision that the relationship is over.  No, you should not try to contact her.

Breakups are hard.  It will get easier with time.

[glows]

4 hours ago, Skyfirewater said:

No arguing, no fighting at all. I just was complaining about my problems all the time and probably got a bit depressed. That was my problem, too needy. Regarding availability, maybe was too much from me, I mean I was always available.

Are these problems resolved? You’re going to run into the same issues with another dating partner /someone else if you haven’t resolved your personal issues or learned how to feel good enough regardless to support a relationship. 

To be blunt, if nothing about your situation has changed don’t bother trying to reach out to your ex or date other women. Try working on yourself now and figure out what’s going on with you. I’d avoid dating at the moment - you’re also running the risk of attracting partners who like instability if your life is unstable. That’s just a toxic mess feeding itself. 

It’s ok to go through rough patches. Figure it out. Do things differently. Start again.

[Skyfirewater]

2 minutes ago, glows said:

Are these problems resolved? You’re going to run into the same issues with another dating partner /someone else if you haven’t resolved your personal issues or learned how to feel good enough regardless to support a relationship. 

To be blunt, if nothing about your situation has changed don’t bother trying to reach out to your ex or date other women. Try working on yourself now and figure out what’s going on with you. I’d avoid dating at the moment - you’re also running the risk of attracting partners who like instability if your life is unstable. That’s just a toxic mess feeding itself. 

It’s ok to go through rough patches. Figure it out. Do things differently. Start again.

Yes, they are. I've used NC to solve them, but she doesn't now about it, off course. My perspective also changed and I learned with my mistakes. 

[JTSW]

On 6/25/2023 at 8:41 AM, Skyfirewater said:

she block me on Snapchat, but not in WhatsApp

This is because she has likely started seeing someone else and is sharing stories of him on Snapchat.

 

[Wiseman2]

On 6/25/2023 at 7:04 AM, Skyfirewater said:

. I just was complaining about my problems all the time and probably got a bit depressed. 

The best thing you can do is get to the root of the problem.

See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Get some tests done. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

This could help you either way. As far as clingy or smothering, yes it can be overwhelming to a partner.  Please accept your role in this so you can make internal improvements.

She blocked you. That says enough. Just try to reflect, regroup and retool your life to feel better.

Edited June 26, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Skyfirewater]

52 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

The best thing you can do is get to the root of the problem.

See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Get some tests done. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

This could help you either way. As far as clingy or smothering, yes it can be overwhelming to a partner.  Please accept your role in this so you can make internal improvements.

She blocked you. That says enough. Just try to reflect, regroup and retool your life to feel better.

As I wrote before, I already solved all of my issues during the NC. I reflected and found out that I haven't managed properly my issues during the last month of the relationship, which lead to this situation. Yes, I'm not afraid of assuming my mistakes and therefore I've learned from that. I just need to occupy my mind with something meaningful to me and keep going. I just need to forget her and forgive myself for the mistakes.

Edited June 26, 2023 by Skyfirewater